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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#281

Post by cloche »

globular-toast wrote: post #22

If you want to talk to men at the gym it's easy and no need for awkward scripts. Just ask for a spot. Most guys will feel honoured to be asked as you're showing trust in them. They'll spot you and then just talk about lifting. I met loads of guys this way. Don't talk to girls you're attracted to, though. They can tell. If they want you to talk to them they'll give you signs. But that's a whole other thing. The bullet…

> Don't talk to girls you're attracted to, though

Are you only supposed to date girls you're not attracted to?

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#282

Post by cloche »

dpkirchner wrote: post #194

This is absolutely bonkers to me. We're not here to be scientifically experimented on or to make you feel better about yourself. The very idea that OP learned about places and activities that people participate in explicitly to be social and, instead, chose to touch people when they're not clearly wanting to chat is just wild. What do we have to do to discourage you from touching us? I mean I guess I'm glad that you'…

There was no mentioning of OP touching or taking advantage of others. I think you read this the wrong way.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#283

Post by SoftTalker »

gib444 wrote: post #117
dijit wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ... OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It takes some effort to be good at doing this, if people aren't used to getting any kind of compliment then it can land as super awkward. (hint: avoid commenting on peoples physical appearance directly, always clothing, or hair, make-up, jewellery/watches -- or ideally how they handle themselves) The "trick" is confidence, knowing in yoursel…

Funny how different our experiences are > "How are you today" → "Better, now you're here" -- Isn't cheesy, if you mean it. To me that's super creepy. It's like a cheap pickup line. It's only something I'd say to someone I'd been dating a while. > avoid commenting on peoples physical appearance directly Gym bros love compliments on their muscles. It has to come across as "bro to bro" and not with a "broad genuine smil…

Many gym "bros" are somewhere on the gay spectrum.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#284

Post by matwood »

philangist wrote: post #202
bityard wrote: post #192

I want to congratulate the author for getting out of his comfort zone to tackle a hard problem. But being able to make friends at a gym is not a universal experience. I joined a gym partially to get fit and partially to meet people with similar fitness goals. Working out alone just feels sad. I tried to be friendly with people, would smile and say "hi," when I walked past someone. I would ask someone a non-confrontat…

I'd highly suggest joining a Brazilian jiu jitsu gym. They tend to be filled with other computer nerds (although not only) and people are very friendly in a genuine way.

BJJ is very social because you can't train alone. It also mostly weeds out assholes because no one wants to train with jerks (usually there's a single gym in an area that ends up with all the jerks lol). The other thing that quickly forms relationships is that you're trusting other people not to hurt you and vice versa. Giving and receiving this trust tends to cause relationships to build quickly.

And yes, many gyms are filled with nerds. Once you get past the basics, it's very much a thinking sport.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#286

Post by matwood »

cpfohl wrote: post #61

Post College friendships can be hard. Friendships before graduations are almost all completely spontaneous and natural. No one has to _really_ know how to be the initiator. My experience suggests that it doesn’t really get better as you age, either. My wife and I took on that role after college. Neither of us is particularly outgoing, but we’re not cripplingly shy either. Meeting new people is about realizing you’re…

> Friendships before graduations are almost all completely spontaneous and natural.

They are mainly from proximity. You see people in class, you live near them, and you're near the same age. It's the same reason in person work would generate friendships/relationships. The challenge in today's remote world is proximity now has to be intentional.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#287

Post by xp84 »

> “Ignored people I knew from class instead of saying hi because I didn’t know for sure if they remembered me even though the class had only 10 people in it”

This amuses me because it’s the exact reverse of my anxiety. I’m pretty bad at remembering the identities of people I may have briefly interacted with a few times in a situation like class or work, so I’m afraid of the “person from class” remembering me and me not remembering them and being offended. Like, “How about that exam last week” and me being like, “uhhh do we have a class together?”

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#288

Post by ChoosesBarbecue »

et-al wrote: post #239
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

I agree with you this was not Dale Carnegie's intent when he wrote the book, but alexmuresan probably takes issue because the "red pilling" crowd have used Carnegie's advice to manipulate people. Personally, salespeople have randomly complimented me and repeated my name over and over, and on the receiving end it weirded me out. So the problem is that in certain situations there is an overarching "what did you want to…

> Part of Cialdini’s large book-buying audience came because, like me, it wanted to learn how to become less often tricked by salesmen and circumstances. However, as an outcome not sought by Cialdini, who is a profoundly ethical man, a huge number of his books were bought by salesmen who wanted to learn how to become more effective in misleading customers.

(Poor Charlie's Almanack, Charlie Munger)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#289

Post by matwood »

bluGill wrote: post #40
nate8bit wrote: post #7

I think picking up people at the bar is easier than making friends at the gym - what you want is to join a crossfit gym, or something that has a stronger community culture to it. Not the gym.

Bars are a common place, but do you really want to meet the type of person who hangs out in a bar? Sure if you only want a one night stand what they do with the rest of their life doesn't matter. However if you want a relationship you probably don't want to start with a high odds of finding a borderline alcoholic.

> but do you really want to meet the type of person who hangs out in a bar

Wow, ok. There is a huge space between alcoholic at the bar every night and someone who likes to have a drink with their friends on a Saturday night.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#290

Post by hlynurd »

windowshopping wrote: post #186
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

I was in the same boat as you before I heard enough good things about it that I checked it out. After all, if it was really bad, I would be able to tell as much and stop reading it, nothing lost. I can confirm it's really good. It's not manipulative at all. The book can large be summed up as "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is…

> "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is the case: here's how."

Isn't this highly manipulative?

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