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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#131

Post by planet36 »

nozzlegear wrote: post #112
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

And "Remember their name".

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#132

Post by dijit »

gib444 wrote: post #117
dijit wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ... OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It takes some effort to be good at doing this, if people aren't used to getting any kind of compliment then it can land as super awkward. (hint: avoid commenting on peoples physical appearance directly, always clothing, or hair, make-up, jewellery/watches -- or ideally how they handle themselves) The "trick" is confidence, knowing in yoursel…

Funny how different our experiences are > "How are you today" → "Better, now you're here" -- Isn't cheesy, if you mean it. To me that's super creepy. It's like a cheap pickup line. It's only something I'd say to someone I'd been dating a while. > avoid commenting on peoples physical appearance directly Gym bros love compliments on their muscles. It has to come across as "bro to bro" and not with a "broad genuine smil…

Hah, fun how that works.

Maybe the trick is not caring if it comes across as creepy.

If you take my genuine happiness to see you as creepy, maybe thats a you problem.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#133

Post by KellyCriterion »

sminchev wrote: post #96

This is cool. The plan written as algorithm. Pro-activity is the key. Usually, people like to stay in their comfort zone. This guy was searching for his, and found it. I wonder, why he did not have any friends from the years of studying. Usually, this is the place friendship forever happen :) I am happy for him :)

my two best friends from BA and MA moved away, so I can clearly explain why someone might not have friends from university time (-:

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#134

Post by palmotea »

jsksoswk wrote: post #109
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

Well, your instinct is right from the title. “influence” is a euphemism for “manipulate.” Affecting influence is subtle manipulation. A compliment about someone’s hair is great if you genuinely admire their hair. But if you read a book about influencing people and suddenly start complimenting people’s hair, time for some introspection.

> But if you read a book about influencing people and suddenly start complimenting people’s hair, time for some introspection.

The book's also apparently about winning friends, as well. And the excerpt above seems to be about getting better at being nice to people without an agenda.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#135

Post by johndhi »

Hell yeah.

Observation: people act like this challenge is unique to the young generation, but it certainly affected me (millennial). It was a long, scary process of getting comfortable talking to people. It's still hard! And I have to re-learn it in different phases of life:

>talking to people at school

>talking to people in college

>talking to girls at bars

>getting over the idea that I don't/shouldn't talk to girls at bars anymore, post-marriage

>talking to other parents, male or female, once becoming a parent

all different lessons, all challenging. all worth the effort.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#136

Post by cindyllm »

an0malous wrote: post #99
jaapz wrote: post #75

> I asked him a question, he answered and left. I guess he didn't want to talk If you have anxiety about talking to strangers, just remember that 99% of the time when someone doesn't really want to talk, this happens. Not really that scary after all

My fear is I’m socially awkward, I might do or say something I genuinely didn’t know was awkward, and that person will make a TikTok video of me and ruin my life. I’ve seen videos from people posting about “creeps at the gym” and it’s just a guy looking in the direction of the girl taking the video, and it seems like just looking in the general direction of someone for too long could make you a public example of a cr…

[dead]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#137

Post by yakkomajuri »

I can definitely relate. What's funny is I've always been really social and open to talking to strangers, plus I come from a culture where this is accepted and encouraged (Brazil).

However, I've been working remotely for 7 years now and recently became a solo founder, and I realized I'm having a fair amount of social anxiety. At the previous two companies, I was working remotely but still had people online to chat to, and would meet in person once in a while. Now as a solo founder I've just been working from home and I noticed that when I was leaving the house to buy groceries or work out that was my "break time" and I somehow just wanted to be more alone so I always had my headphones on.

That meant that I became someone who's running away from social interaction the more I actually needed it. And that when placed in a social situation I'm suddenly anxious whereas before this all came very naturally to me (I've also spoken in public very often etc).

How I'm coping:

- Got a WeWork membership

- Leaving the house without headphones

- Striking up conversation with uber drivers, cashiers, etc

- Making an effort to go to events (even flying somewhere at my own expense to speak at a small event for the first time in years)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#138

Post by ajcp »

plewd wrote: post #93
nasir wrote: post #27

Around 15 years ago I took on the challenge to start a conversation with random people to break through this barrier and train this muscle. What I started with was to chit chat with those I had already established an interaction. For example at the Starbucks I would say something to barista. Those interactions were short but broke the ice. Later I went for random people in the street and that was quite awkward. There…

> There was simply not much I could work with (what I thought at the time). This has been my big blocker keeping me from talking to most people. I feel quite adept socially once I get going, but I can usually only get to that point through mutual interests or a solid conversation topic to kick off from. I seem to usually psyche myself out because most starters feels too fake or unsubstantive. Compliments make sense,…

"I did the same thing; whoever designed these doors was a sadist." -

"Do you like that bag? I've been meaning to get a new one, I'm so tired of this one." -

"Now see, if we were as good looking/rich/smart as him we could have figured that out." -

"Is that thing broken again? I'm telling you, we're in the wrong business man." -

"Nothing to do with talent, it's a money and equipment problem, we're awesome at this." -

I've used each one of these in the past week with complete strangers, in neutral-to-unfamiliar surroundings, in passing, and the most hostile reaction I've gotten is "hahaha, I know right?" :)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#139

Post by aurumque »

I enjoyed this read, the energy, and the detailed positive outlook. However, what am I supposed to take away from "5 weeks / 35 people / no new recurring friends"? Every time I go out I feel this personally, and I never understood why so many people have such thick shells to crack.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#140

Post by nasir »

plewd wrote: post #93
nasir wrote: post #27

Around 15 years ago I took on the challenge to start a conversation with random people to break through this barrier and train this muscle. What I started with was to chit chat with those I had already established an interaction. For example at the Starbucks I would say something to barista. Those interactions were short but broke the ice. Later I went for random people in the street and that was quite awkward. There…

> There was simply not much I could work with (what I thought at the time). This has been my big blocker keeping me from talking to most people. I feel quite adept socially once I get going, but I can usually only get to that point through mutual interests or a solid conversation topic to kick off from. I seem to usually psyche myself out because most starters feels too fake or unsubstantive. Compliments make sense,…

Even though typing them out may make them stupid but here are a few examples thinking out loud. Remember the body language is quite important and as you do more you start feeling more comfortable in your skin.

- Waiting for an elevator that never comes with two strangers. What I may say: I guess we'd be camping here tonight. Do you have your tent with you?

- Embarrassing moment: I hit my head lightly to something in front of 5 people: Act funny saying Oh can someone call an ambulance.

- Someone dropping yogurt from their spoon on their shirt and locking eye to eye with me realising I've been watching the moment: I would have an empathetic look and then act with an imaginary spoon picking from my own shirt and eating it.

Basically the kind of mild jokes/acts you would do and say to close people would work on strangers as well

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