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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#81

Post by Tade0 »

jbellis wrote: post #67
Tade0 wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, that sounds like really bad advice. Personally I would read this as a weak, but noticeable signal of being a person who is okay with taking advantage of others. Most people are too embarrassed to ask complete strangers for actual favours.

Your calibration is wildly off. Asking people for a spot is totally normal at any gym with free weights.

Spotting is a different thing, as you're communicating that you're entrusting your safety with that person.

Imagine someone instead asked you to wipe down the equipment for them or help putting the weights back. Different signal altogether.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#82

Post by [deleted] »

luxurytent wrote: post #60

I've been going to the gym for the past year after exclusively running in solitude. I am still introverted at the gym .. it's sort of my time. But I do appreciate overhearing the conversations which occur. It's been nice to hear 60-something retirees chat about their health, quitting alcohol, sorting out the pickleball schedule, and sometimes politics (although honestly much more rare relative to the others listed) I…

[deleted]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#83

Post by VoodooJuJu »

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#84

Post by dijit »

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

> ... OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda.

It takes some effort to be good at doing this, if people aren't used to getting any kind of compliment then it can land as super awkward.

(hint: avoid commenting on peoples physical appearance directly, always clothing, or hair, make-up, jewellery/watches -- or ideally how they handle themselves)

The "trick" is confidence, knowing in yourself that you mean well and, if challenged doubling down with a broad genuine smile, don't try to half-ass the smile because it makes things awkward-er.

The other thing is that compliments can be broad, but criticisms have to be very specific.

Once you get the hang of it you can make peoples days genuinely better effortlessly, by just saying the positive thing that you're thinking.

"How are you today" → "Better, now you're here" -- Isn't cheesy, if you mean it.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#86

Post by GIVEDADDYABYTE »

> activities suggested by r/Syracuse like volleyball and trivia night require you to already have friends.

Most big cities will have rec leagues that are popular with people in their 20s. Find a league that has a team happy hour after, I live in a transient city and I've made a few friends from people who get placed on my teams.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#87

Post by al_borland »

Tade0 wrote: post #81
jbellis wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your calibration is wildly off. Asking people for a spot is totally normal at any gym with free weights.

Spotting is a different thing, as you're communicating that you're entrusting your safety with that person. Imagine someone instead asked you to wipe down the equipment for them or help putting the weights back. Different signal altogether.

Those examples aren't something a person needs help on, I think that's the difference. I can't spot my own lift. I can't teach myself what a certain machine does if I don't even know what it's called. I can't understand a new lift I haven't seen before without asking the person doing it what it is and a little about it.

Ask people for help where help is actually needed, not to act as your servant cleaning up behind you.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#90

Post by outime »

Tade0 wrote: post #81
jbellis wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your calibration is wildly off. Asking people for a spot is totally normal at any gym with free weights.

Spotting is a different thing, as you're communicating that you're entrusting your safety with that person. Imagine someone instead asked you to wipe down the equipment for them or help putting the weights back. Different signal altogether.

That sends a different signal, because you're asking someone to do something you could do yourself but simply choose not to, which is essentially what you described above as "taking advantage of others". However this is quite different from what I described in my comment.

If you see every request for help as someone taking advantage of others, I'd encourage you to reconsider why you view everyone that way. It might also be preventing you from seeking help yourself, out of fear of being seen as a leech.

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