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Men who stare at walls

alexselimov.com

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Re: Men who stare at walls

#151

Post by neilv »

tolerance wrote: post #135
neilv wrote: post #127

If you get in the habit of doing this when thinking, it can bomb interviews with interviewers who don't know that's something that some people do. In-person interview: the majority of people want you to be making frequent eye contact, and are less comfortable when you aren't. Some people also hear folk myths that looking a certain direction is a tell for deception or fabrication. ("Up and to the left means lying; up…

Exactly! Bomb the interviews . I would also push back on the idea that this sort of behavior could be unique to "introvert and neurodiverse thinkers". Must there not be social and/or "neurotypical" people with idiosyncrasies?

As the philosopher Depeche Mode put it, "people are people".

Re: Men who stare at walls

#152

Post by hgomersall »

I've recently realised that the biggest problem with smartphones is not that they steal your attention (which is bad enough), but that they steal your disattention

I don't know of a better word for it than disattention. Perhaps downtime? But it's not so structured. It's just those moments where you'd previously let your mind wander. Gone forever.

Re: Men who stare at walls

#154

Post by microtonal »

wonnage wrote: post #104
smeg_it wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was taught basic breathing meditation from a Vietnamese nun; but I'm not an expert. There are so many variations that I don't understand. I don't know much about Zen or it's take on meditation or mindfulness. On meditation, I know when I do it right, but have trouble helping people learn. I have trouble when I most need it (highly stressed), as I have the most trouble taking the time to relax without feeling too gu…

Aside from sleepiness, closing your eyes shut also tends to make daydreaming worse.

There is nothing wrong with that though. At some point, observation comes back. When practicing regularly, that happens more quickly.

I should pick up practice again. I feel very lucky having discovered Vipassana meditation when I was 19 and having had some great teachers throughout my twenties. It helped me accept parts of my youth that were not great or safe. In hindsight, going to a psychologist would have been a good addition, but that never occurred to early to mid 20s me, but in lieu of that Vipassa helped me a lot.

Re: Men who stare at walls

#155

Post by alexperry00 »

hgomersall wrote: post #152

I've recently realised that the biggest problem with smartphones is not that they steal your attention (which is bad enough), but that they steal your disattention I don't know of a better word for it than disattention. Perhaps downtime? But it's not so structured. It's just those moments where you'd previously let your mind wander. Gone forever.

I believe boredom might be the word you're looking for.

Re: Men who stare at walls

#156

Post by layman51 »

hgomersall wrote: post #152

I've recently realised that the biggest problem with smartphones is not that they steal your attention (which is bad enough), but that they steal your disattention I don't know of a better word for it than disattention. Perhaps downtime? But it's not so structured. It's just those moments where you'd previously let your mind wander. Gone forever.

You reminded me of a post I had read on a math-related website. I think it was a math association where different authors could post articles, but it was one about a series of advice columns by people pursuing PhDs or graduate studies in math.

Anyway, the article I'm thinking of was about a guy who had advice along the lines of "keeping up your hygiene" or "maintaining your cleanliness habits" and his anecdote was about being stuck for a while in making progress on a problem, but he would have a habit of taking a daily shower. There was a detail he shared about getting an insight and then being able to write some ideas on the window with the condensation.

I wonder if I can find it again.

Re: Men who stare at walls

#159

Post by ErigmolCt »

I've found the same thing with short walks without headphones. The first few minutes feel almost irritating, like my brain is looking for something to latch onto. Then after a while the mental noise settles and work feels less aversive again...

Re: Men who stare at walls

#160

Post by feb012025 »

throwforfeds wrote: post #144
feb012025 wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've never liked the way meditation makes me feel, but I really like doing "guided relaxation". To an extent that I think they have to be different somehow, even though a lot of people would probably say they're the same thing. I feel like staring at walls is similar.

> I've never liked the way meditation makes me feel This is common. A true meditation practice brings up a lot of stuff, from general body aches and pains to deep emotional things you may be unconsciously suppressing. With time and persistence, and with the right teacher, it becomes liberating though.

I don't think that's it. I've never been one to shy away from any difficult emotional experiences I have (maybe I'm wrong though who knows)

I just end up feeling emotionally "flat" after doing it. Which sometimes feels like that's the goal, but I don't like the feeling

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