Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

nate.leaflet.pub

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 390 posts

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#31

Post by armchairhacker »

Sol- wrote: post #22

This seems to be a very peculiar and adversarial interpretation of anti-social. I am relatively anti-social and consider this a bit of a character flaw, but would generally say that I do not assume the worst in others and am relatively introspective. It just doesn't come naturally to me, but that does not mean that I think less of others.

You’re probably “asocial”

Asocial = avoids people, quiet, misses social cues. i.e. doesn’t attract people

Antisocial = cruel, obnoxious, remorseless. i.e. actively repels people

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#33

Post by foo12bar »

How about the old fashioned freezing with a face contorted in fear like your being held at knife point unable to think of anything to say and just waiting to be able to leave? When you get asked a question, fumble over your words and say something stupid. Later on, you can reflexively watch the memory played over and over again so you're even worse the next time. If you see anyone you met during the encounter afterwards, you can just panic and try to hide your face and escape.

That's a lot easier and comes off more natural IMO.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#34

Post by nathanaldensr »

reedf1 wrote: post #23

The other day someone described themselves to me as an 'empath' which was odd, because in the context of the discussion it was invalidating to hear. And ironic considering they hadn't forseen how I would take it. Some people have ultimate confidence in their social judgements and the true sign of empathy is a kind of meta-empathy that allows you to consider truly alternative understandings of the world i.e. empathy f…

That's not empathy, though. The word "empathy" has been co-opted to mean "understanding someone else's point of view," but that's not what empathy is. Empathy is feeling others' feelings. I'm actually empathetic in that I sometimes experience an emotional response (limbic) similar to an intense emotional response I witness others having, especially if they're a person close to me. This is very different than making a conscious attempt (prefrontal cortex) at intellectual understanding of someone's emotions.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#36

Post by gib444 »

reactordev wrote: post #8
fragmede wrote: post #3

As someone who identifies as autistic, after particularly notable social encounters, I describe them, best I can, to ChatGPT, and damned if the thing doesn't explain why people reacted the way they did so I can do better next time.

As someone who identifies as autistic, I learned to smile and just listen. I’ll ask questions and try and put my little anecdotes in but for the most part I just let other people talk. Works reasonably well. I usually run afoul when the situation is serious and I show up with my smile.

But smile in the /correct/ way, else you'll be judged for smiling weirdly.

Sigh

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#37

Post by ashtonshears »

This is soley a list of how to be explicitly negative internally and externally, the people in this thread equating it to disorders need to re-think the text. Its a list of what not to do as a human.

With respect to all; there is an incredible amount of subtle communications that go into standard conversations

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#39

Post by TheOtherHobbes »

coffeebeqn wrote: post #13
fragmede wrote: post #3

As someone who identifies as autistic, after particularly notable social encounters, I describe them, best I can, to ChatGPT, and damned if the thing doesn't explain why people reacted the way they did so I can do better next time.

I think that’s how everyone learns. Making mistakes and figuring out why that turned out poorly. Some are more innately good at it than others. I’m not particularly but I can learn from mistakes

A lot of people assume everyone else has it worked out.

But people mostly don't have it all worked out.

There are specific demographics who do.

Some are naturally gifted at social interactions and/or grew up in environments which taught them how to socialise effectively.

Others are charming narcissists - likeable, high status, attractive on the outside, monsters on the inside. They can appear effortless because they don't care about anything except presenting an image, so they get get very skilled at it.

Most everyone else has some social anxiety or frustration and makes more or less obvious social mistakes at least occasionally.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#40

Post by weett »

ernesto905 wrote: post #29

> when all hope is lost in conversation, retreat into your self This speaks to me quite a bit, particularly around unfalsifiable topics I'll have with friends/family, such as theology. If we define hope as the idea they'll change their mind and agree with me, seems not much one can do but retreat into themself, right? I suppose I can sympathize with their sentiment before I retreat into myself, but taking this bullet…

Maybe the trying to get people to change their mind part is where you're going wrong
Post reply on HN