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Alone Together, Again

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Re: Alone Together, Again

#111

Post by hawkal »

bruceboughton wrote: post #64
colmvp wrote: post #3

“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That’s never happened – THAT would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing, and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Literally zero.” Louis CK

As a non-American who has not seen Louis CK's show, I cannot see why he is so often quoted around here. If this is an example of his jokes, then they do not reveal any great philosophical thinking.

He's not that great. Just very bitter and angry, so we love him.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#112

Post by mwetzler »

jackowayed wrote: post #60
mwetzler wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That part of the story stuck out to me. I don't think he's mentioning it just because it's funny. I think he regrets brushing off that warning flag. I could almost feel his pain when he mentioned it. 12% enemy is significant. It means you are misaligned on some things that are important to you. Years ago, when my SO and I calculated our compatibility using OKCupid, there was a way to run a report on items that decrea…

Don't put so much stock in an online dating algorithm. He was just trying to illustrate how perfect everything seemed, how sure of everything he was, until suddenly that stable-seeming foundation fell out from under him. There's no way that in a post that explores the limits of technology, he's actually trying to make some claim that he missed a huge red flag in an online dating algorithm's output, nor that we should…

Good point; you're right that the example does a good job illustrating their optimism.

I agree with you that we shouldn't put too much stock in these algorithms. Still, it's interesting that OK Cupid reached the same conclusion as Alex's wife: we're too different.

The enemy part is particularly interesting because it indicates conflict. The story would seem different if it was like "Ok cupid says we're 70% match but we think we're 99% match!". Instead, it's OKCupid saying: "you have conflicts" and the couple deciding to move forward despite those conflicts.

I'm not trying to make a big point here; I just find this part of the story fascinating.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#113

Post by ctdonath »

gcv wrote: post #89
kamaal wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just curious to know, as somebody from India. What are leading causes for divorce in the US? I used to hear that, alimony is one reason why many women would get married to somebody rich and then divorce them. I can understand that divorces happen due to incompatibility reasons. But 50% is too high a number for that reason alone. Also I've heard marriage rates itself in the west are quite low. Never understood the log…

Let me ask a related and unpopular question: what purpose does marriage serve in today's world? For people with religious convictions, I understand: your god(s) hate you if you have relationships not sanctioned by your religious authorities. I am specifically asking about secular people in the US and Europe, who choose to enter a contract with the government about their personal lives. Is it taxes? It seems much easi…

Contraception is, historically, a recent development. Without it, a man and a woman rather fond of each other tend to produce children; all involved, including society at large, have an interest in keeping those parents together - hence the institution of marriage. Strange how the obvious has been forgotten.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#114

Post by [deleted] »

gcv wrote: post #89
kamaal wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just curious to know, as somebody from India. What are leading causes for divorce in the US? I used to hear that, alimony is one reason why many women would get married to somebody rich and then divorce them. I can understand that divorces happen due to incompatibility reasons. But 50% is too high a number for that reason alone. Also I've heard marriage rates itself in the west are quite low. Never understood the log…

Let me ask a related and unpopular question: what purpose does marriage serve in today's world? For people with religious convictions, I understand: your god(s) hate you if you have relationships not sanctioned by your religious authorities. I am specifically asking about secular people in the US and Europe, who choose to enter a contract with the government about their personal lives. Is it taxes? It seems much easi…

[deleted]

Re: Alone Together, Again

#115

Post by anothermachine »

gcv wrote: post #89
kamaal wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just curious to know, as somebody from India. What are leading causes for divorce in the US? I used to hear that, alimony is one reason why many women would get married to somebody rich and then divorce them. I can understand that divorces happen due to incompatibility reasons. But 50% is too high a number for that reason alone. Also I've heard marriage rates itself in the west are quite low. Never understood the log…

Let me ask a related and unpopular question: what purpose does marriage serve in today's world? For people with religious convictions, I understand: your god(s) hate you if you have relationships not sanctioned by your religious authorities. I am specifically asking about secular people in the US and Europe, who choose to enter a contract with the government about their personal lives. Is it taxes? It seems much easi…

> Companionship and love have nothing to do with a piece of paper filed with the local government.

Commitment and accountability to the person how bears your children, or who supports you through medical school or your startup years, has everything to do with a piece of paper filed with the local government.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#116

Post by anothermachine »

darklajid wrote: post #74
kamaal wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just curious to know, as somebody from India. What are leading causes for divorce in the US? I used to hear that, alimony is one reason why many women would get married to somebody rich and then divorce them. I can understand that divorces happen due to incompatibility reasons. But 50% is too high a number for that reason alone. Also I've heard marriage rates itself in the west are quite low. Never understood the log…

Disclaimer: Not from the US, but married (~2 years~) and kid (~2 weeks~): I don't like marriage, as an institution. I'm married, because I'm quite certain that I want to stay with this person, because of tax benefits and a clearly defined situation for offsprings (from 'parental rights' to banal things like 'last name of the little one'). Without that, I couldn't care less about marriage (yes, my wife knows that pov)…

> Disclaimer: Not from the US, but married (~2 years~) and kid (~2 weeks~):

You have more important things to be doing right now than hang out on HN. Take care of your baby, take care of your wife, and sleep when you have a moment off from those.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#117

Post by anothermachine »

icebraining wrote: post #53
dutchbrit wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People are becoming more materialistic and don't respect each other as much nowadays. Getting divorced is my biggest nightmare, and I'm not even married yet (nor engaged). While this fear won't stop me, I just hope that I'll stay happily with the one I love until I pass away eventually.

People (...) don't respect each other as much nowadays. Compared to when?

Compared to "X-30 years", for all values of X, when the speaker is over 30, or quoting someone who is.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#118

Post by anothermachine »

_debug_ wrote: post #96

> I packed up what was left, put all but necessities into storage. Sold my car. (Not directly related to the article, but) : In the West, is it always the husband that has to leave the house? I once saw a movie in which the husband comes home and discovers that he being offered a divorce, and the wife says, "Leave my home". She was a stay-at-home wife, and he was working. I found it odd that she refers to it "my home…

It goes either way, depending on circumstances. For example, if someone has a new lover, the adulterer usually moves out.

It's actually rare for someone to evict the other, since it's entirely illegal and usually undesired by the evictee. If the separation is very much ill-willed, the person who wants the divorce usually leaves (often as a surprise).

Re: Alone Together, Again

#119

Post by anothermachine »

apgwoz wrote: post #72
jackowayed wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't put so much stock in an online dating algorithm. He was just trying to illustrate how perfect everything seemed, how sure of everything he was, until suddenly that stable-seeming foundation fell out from under him. There's no way that in a post that explores the limits of technology, he's actually trying to make some claim that he missed a huge red flag in an online dating algorithm's output, nor that we should…

> Don't put so much stock in an online dating algorithm. I wouldn't put so much stock in someone like eHarmony, but OkCupid--sure! Those guys use math! disclaimer: I work for OkCupid Labs.

eHarmony uses math!

OKCupid uses reader-generated surveys.

Re: Alone Together, Again

#120

Post by mcav »

pyrotechnick wrote: post #52
mcav wrote: post #10

Christ, commenters, lighten up. Not every emotional blog post is a heartless grab for attention. If you don't like it, just ignore it and go do something else. Don't punch the guy just for the hell of it.

"christ"..."hell" Consider taking your own advice.

Cursing is not the same as a personal attack.
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