Alex,
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. This degree of honesty is far too rare and is absolutely commendable. More appropriately, your story resonates in strong sympathy with mine.
"I owe my life to technology."
Those who've never uttered this are simply unable to grasp the extensive implications of such a notion. Even in those who don't openly admit it, it eventually manifests itself; often in bizarre ways. A friend of mine has the "transistor" symbol tattooed across his forearm; another wears small electrical components as jewellery. Neither are able to readily admit just how much technology has effected their lives; particularly to their partners. This failure of honesty was the downfall of my most cherished relationship, and many since. And I fear, many hereafter.
"I tried to imagine what my life would be like in the wake of all this if I had been living two hundred years ago. Most likely, I would be trapped. I would be living in the scraps of the life that had unraveled around me. I could not seek the support of friends from around the world at any time of day or night. I could not book passage to wherever I felt I needed to escape to. I couldn’t work from wherever I happen to end up. Trapped."
The truth is: our fixation on all things technological is merely a symptom of what's otherwise a distinct disease. We yearn for a life less ordain, less automated and yet it's these very concepts we attempt to employ in our escape. We've been sold a lie. In the past, escaping to seek counsel was much easier. There were entire unchartered continents boasting unique foreigners with novel, enlightening perspectives. Sure, technology has made these endeavours vastly more efficient, in terms of both time and work. But at what cost? It is my observation that in our advancements, we dilute our power to transmute our problems into solutions. Meanwhile, technology has not universally transformed the degree to which all members of our species cooperate. The shifting all of our burdens onto what we believe will save us, in this case technology, has been incredibly disempowering for us all. The problem has never been in our technology, or lack thereof; it was, and always will be, in us.
"It is now nearing mid-November and, despite a hurricane and a freak snowstorm and the general insanity that is this place, I’m still here."
That you are. If ever your answer to the question "Am I alive?" is "Yes", then your purpose here on this planet has most certainly not yet been realised.
You are going to make it.
Eyes open. No fear.