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Having Kids (2019)

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids (2019)

#151

Post by Trasmatta »

socalgal2 wrote: post #150
drfloyd51 wrote: post #14

Before kids it was easy to judge bad parents. Then one day with child I found myself due to circumstances in a store way past my child’s bedtime. She was screaming and crying, because it was way past her bedtime. Then I realized… I was now “the bad parent” I had so easily judged. Then it was easy to judge parents with children younger than mine. Until I learned that not all children have the same issues in the same o…

I still judge parents, because I compare them to other parents. Good parents = kids not 100% glued to phones/tablets, social around friends and family, not throwing tantrums at 8-16 yrs old. Bad parents = kids always throwing tantrums, kids basically always getting their way because they've learned parents will always give in, parents and kids 100% ignoring each other. One set of friends - I go to visit, I play with…

> Bad parents = kids always throwing tantrums

But sometimes there are legit behavioral issues that are extremely challenging, and are not the parent's fault. Sometimes what looks like a "tantrum" on the outside can actually be autistic overwhelm and meltdown, which can happen with even the best parents. Not to mention stuff like Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

All this to say...if you see a kid in public throwing a "tantrum", you still shouldn't judge the parents without knowing the full picture.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#152

Post by foxglacier »

corry wrote: post #28

This is one of my favourites from PG, not least because it's a bit antithetical to what I perceive as a growing trend among smart, ambitious people (for whom children might represent friction, inconvenience, etc)... as well as folks for whom COL is making the question irrelevant due to practical concerns. Actually, it's really striking that even in America -- the developed country with the #1 highest birthrate -- sti…

Kids cost time, not money. So the wealthier you are, the more difficult it is because you probably have less free time. You can pay someone else to raise your kids (daycare/etc.) but then you lose a lot of the value of having kids.

This bullshit excuse that somebody can't afford to have kids is proven wrong by the fact that poorer people have more kids than rich people. You can even be unemployed. Gone are the days of destitute single mothers having to give up their child to the church and work in the poorhouse. We have social welfare for that.

Maybe the fact that poor people can have lots of kids has taken away their value as a status symbol for wealth?

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#153

Post by gametorch »

jen729w wrote: post #47

Kids aren’t for everyone. Please don’t guilt-trip people for not having them. (I know this article isn’t doing that.) https://wearechildfree.com/ Disclosure: Zoë is my cousin.

> Tired of doing this alone?

That's some pretty ironic copy xD

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#155

Post by Trasmatta »

I'm 36, and unlikely to ever have kids. I'm both very grateful for the freedom that's afforded me in life, and occasionally feel grief for parts of the human experience I'll never feel.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#156

Post by sjkoelle »

vardump wrote: post #15
dominotw wrote: post #9

I am am so scared of losing my job in tech due to ai and not being able to support my family.

Take a deep breath and just learn whatever you need to learn. AI or otherwise. You'll be fine. Being responsible for someone else gives you quite a bit of boost.

lets be real we are gonna lose our jobs to these kids

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#158

Post by jbrun »

jasonkester wrote: post #22

Before having kids, I expected it to be this huge life changing thing. That it would effectively end the part of my life where I was free to do whatever I wanted, and start the part where I was just Daddy, doing nothing except serving my childrens' needs. But that didn't happen. We just carried on being Jason and his partner, but with a baby in tow. I had spent most of my 30s cramming in as much "living" as possible,…

Absolutely. Also, kids end up helping you focus on the travel, experiences and things that are truly worthwhile. You drop a lot of activities and TV and other activities that was frankly a waste of time anyways.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#159

Post by gametorch »

OnAironaut wrote: post #109
chzblck wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Probably good you are taking yourself out of the gene pool

If idiocracy is good then yes.

Talking to a psychotherapist or reading fiction might help you feel more at ease. It's a crazy, contradictory world. I wish you well.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#160

Post by jmye »

corry wrote: post #28

This is one of my favourites from PG, not least because it's a bit antithetical to what I perceive as a growing trend among smart, ambitious people (for whom children might represent friction, inconvenience, etc)... as well as folks for whom COL is making the question irrelevant due to practical concerns. Actually, it's really striking that even in America -- the developed country with the #1 highest birthrate -- sti…

> Actually, it's really striking that even in America -- the developed country with the #1 highest birthrate -- still falls below the replacement rate. What is it that's inversely correlated between growing wealth and having children?

I think a lot of people miss the simple fact that some people just don't want kids and are unable to reconcile their personal experience with anyone else's.

My partner and I are both wealthy enough that we could both afford children and we can afford to not have children. But neither of us think our lives would be improved by having them.

I think that's really, really hard to understand for a lot of parents and people who want to be parents: being (relatively) wealthy creates choice, and that a growing number of people are choosing different things now that they have the ability to do so.

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