Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Having Kids (2019)

paulgraham.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 323 posts

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#31

Post by rybosworld »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

I think this is a fairly common experience but many people are afraid to admit it.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#32

Post by fastball »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #16
Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

Do not despair, I felt the same. Mine are halfway to 18, still feel the same, unsure if it changes. I love them, just not the experience. I have friends who feel the same, so I/we are not alone. I tell others not to do it unless they are prepared to suffer. You won't know if its for you until you've already gone through the one way door. I wish others luck. For the unlucky, I wish grit and stoicism.

Would be interesting to see if there is other personality overlap with people that feel this way, which people could use as a pre-test for whether or not they would enjoy the experience of having kids.

I wonder if there would be something identifiable in common if we fMRI'd your brains, as while you are definitely not alone it does seem like a pretty strong exception that makes the rule.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#33

Post by Cerium »

yanis_t wrote: post #6

Having kids is a gift. But this is one of these kinds of knowledge that once you know you immediately can't explain to others who don't.

A good friend of mine holds the belief that "having friends with kids is better than having kids of your own", and I definitely feel the "can't explain" part - there is an unexplainable reality when you have kids of your own.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#34

Post by Foobar8568 »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

I enjoyed much more the first 6 years than the following 6 ones.

Seeing them grow was fun, seeing them turning teenagers is a pain.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#35

Post by iamwil »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

The quip I keep going back to is: "All joy, no fun."

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#37

Post by hudon »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

The single folk envy the married and the married envy the singles. Life is suffering either way.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#38

Post by synergy20 »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

I have a few kids, raising them is a mix of good and bad, like everything else. it took a toll on my career, pushed my temper to the edge, and stressed me out all these 20+ years, but I also enjoyed many moments. it does not go away when they got older by the way, it's a life long strong bond, at different phases there are different challenges.

If I have a second life, I don't know what to do though, I probably will first make enough money before having kids at least.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#39

Post by matsemann »

yanis_t wrote: post #6

Having kids is a gift. But this is one of these kinds of knowledge that once you know you immediately can't explain to others who don't.

My problem with that wording is that it comes across a bit arrogant or "I know better". I think many people _do_ understand what you mean even if they don't have kids, they're just not that interested in those parts of life, which also should be fair.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#40

Post by hosel »

Daneel_ wrote: post #11

I also had kids, and while I love my kids I haven’t loved spending time with my kids. This will hopefully change as they age, but the first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. Some joy is there from time to time, definitely, but nothing in the way the author describes. Happiness for me typ…

[flagged]
Post reply on HN