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Why you should take your 20's seriously

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Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#101

Post by viviantan »

flyosity wrote: post #58
engtech wrote: post #48

"2) Statistically, women need to have all their children by 35. According to the author, a woman’s ability to get pregnant plummets starting in her mid-thirties. To make matters worse, the odds of a miscarriage for a woman over 35 is one in four." Our family doctor gave the odds as 3 in 5. In practical experience, I know of four friends who have miscarried at 35 (after being pregnant for over 3 months), out of about…

Just to chime in here, I personally know two 34+ year old moms who had children in the past 2 years with Down Syndrome, after having numerous miscarriages. It seems a lot of young geeky guys commenting here forget that it's not just men who have a child so if you want to have a kid in your 30s and 40s after building a career, it's going to be difficult to find a partner at that same age who has the same goals.

It's not just the age of the female partner that affects the child's health. As men age, the risk of passing genetic mutations (including those that cause diseases) onto their offspring increases. This article talks the study: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthiness/9492343/Men-ad...

So if you're an older guy, having kids with a younger woman doesn't make this problem go away.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#102

Post by akie »

flyosity wrote: post #55
crazygringo wrote: post #39

I "agree", but draw the exact opposite conclusions. You should take your 20's seriously... because it's the only time in your life that you aren't encumbered by building a career, having kids, etc. So you should take your 20's to do the things that you won't be able to do later. Work as a bartender, play in a band, travel the world on the cheap, teach English abroad, date the kind of people you wouldn't marry. You do…

I'm a 29-year old male who spent his 20s building a career I love and now has a 6-month old daughter, so this quote: > Don't waste your 20's "building a career". You've got your 30's and 40's and 50's to do that. Don't be in a rush to have kids too soon. Doesn't really make sense to me. If you don't build a career and finances in your 20s, you either can't afford to have a kid in your early 30s or you have one and ca…

In my late twenties I spent three full years smoking weed everyday. I didn't build a career in my 20s, I just fucked around because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I smoked weed and partied. I had a long-term relationship in my 20s, but we broke up and at 30 I was single again. I was thoroughly lost. I slept on a friends couch for 5 months in a row. All in all, not a very bright future, right? Wrong!

I'm 35 now, I quit my job & moved abroad, became an independent web developer, met a wonderful woman who's 5 months pregnant with our firstborn, I've been asked (!) to lead the development team of a highly rated startup and have been making more money than any of my peers for the last few years... So you know: things can change. It's not a strict requirement to spend your 20s all serious - even if you don't, you can still be successful.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#103

Post by akie »

flyosity wrote: post #98
randomdata wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

are at a higher risk of birth defects From everything I have read, the risk doubles. That may sound like a big deal, but quoting from memory, it doubles from a 0.5% chance to a 1% chance, which is still exceedingly low odds. I'm not sure that risk alone is enough to warrant holding back on having children later in life.

I know two couples who waited till their mid-30s to have children and after various miscarriages they both delivered boys with Down Syndrome, so was that worth partying in their 20s? No.

Not everyone who has kids in their mid-30s gets a kid with Down syndrome, and not everyone who has kids in their mid-30s does so because they were partying.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#104

Post by kpennell5 »

agentultra wrote: post #44

Good luck trying to tell other people how they should live their lives. I can tell you that there are probably a hundred things I could've done better with my time in my twenties. However there was no way that I would have known then what I would be like today and what makes me happy now. Back then I thought I would keep gigging in bands and I'd scrape together a record label and have a long career in music. That's w…

Beautifully written, thanks for the insights.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#105

Post by dan_yall »

simonsarris wrote: post #14

I've spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this, ever since the topic came up on reddit about why so few people in their 20's seem to "have their shit together." I think it comes down to two reasons. The first one is huge, but its essentially luck. I think the reason I'm even afforded the opportunity to take my 20's seriously is almost completely happenstantial. Looking at my friends and (distant) family…

My perspective is that life circumstances often force you to "get your shit together." Specifically, having a spouse and kids to support provides an instant shot of maturity and focus for most (decent) people. That was certainly the case for me after having my first child at 26. Since more educated adults these days seem to be delaying marriage and children into their early thirties, it naturally follows that more twenty-somethings would lack the motivation to lead a more disciplined/career-minded lifestyle.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#106

Post by genwin »

will_work4tears wrote: post #83
engtech wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Don't waste your 20's "building a career". You've got your 30's and 40's and 50's to do that." It's hard to try to pivot in your 30s if you don't have a resume with at least some points to match your future career. If you haven't used anything from your post-secondary degree 8 years after getting it... employers are going to notice that and assume that your degree is worthless. I say this having seen far too many fr…

Yes, this is absolutely true in my case (similar though slightly reversed from what you describe). I did the military thing and later college, but switched directions a couple years in college to pick up programming. Even if I reach master skill levels, I'm afraid that my career is stunted because of a short military stint and several years in warehouse/factory jobs before heading off to college. People see that I'm…

You might be looking in the wrong town. Consider moving to a town with a greater demand/supply factor. 3 years experience, if you can show your work (e.g. a website) should be plenty in many places.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#107

Post by dekz »

irahul wrote: post #68
diego wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I completely agree with what cletus says. I'm 43 years old today. Some things just feel uninteresting because I started doing them too young. Interestingly programming is not one of them, I have been doing it for 30 years. On the other hand, I have been rock climbing for 7 years and I'm better than ever [in case you care: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olEgfe4cYuU ]. It still feels pretty new to me. I know 25-year-ol…

> On the other hand, I have been rock climbing for 7 years and I'm better than ever OT(as far as the OP is concerned) questions from someone who is considering taking up climbing. 1. Isn't what you are doing in the video called bouldering? 2. Do you usually climb in your jeans? I am wondering does it allow you required flexibility? 3. Do you work on your core for climbing or climbing works your core? 4. What would yo…

Way OT but let's do this. Note: climb V5/6 currently.

1. Yes that is bouldering, but bouldering is a subset of rock climbing, as is sport climbing.

2. Bouldering is frequently about balance and power, for some problems flexibility isn't as crucial. I climb in jeans outdoors, sometimes it's the best option as rock can quickly cut through lighter materials. My jeans are skinny and stretchy.

3. Climbing works your core, simply by climbing more and more.

4. Don't play the grades game, don't buy a hangboard. Go into a gym and have fun on the boulder. Don't try too hard and hurt your tendons, they take years to grow accustom to the stress induced by hard bouldering.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#108

Post by unimpressive »

freyr wrote: post #88

There are some good points here, but my advice is that you should take your teens seriously. It seems like the prevailing advice today for anyone in their teens is to live their lives free of any commitments and as independent and undirected as possible. But lately I realized the importance of my teens to a degree I never had and it has changed how I plan to approach the last few years of my teens. I'm not going to w…

> But sometimes I wish I'd started as a tween.

As someone who is a teen, and "taking their teens seriously."; I sometimes get this feeling.

And then I laugh like crazy and go back to what I was doing.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#109

Post by mamoswined »

engtech wrote: post #48

"2) Statistically, women need to have all their children by 35. According to the author, a woman’s ability to get pregnant plummets starting in her mid-thirties. To make matters worse, the odds of a miscarriage for a woman over 35 is one in four." Our family doctor gave the odds as 3 in 5. In practical experience, I know of four friends who have miscarried at 35 (after being pregnant for over 3 months), out of about…

I read The Baby Chase: An Adventure in Fertility last year and I think everyone in their 20s should read it. It's about the author's struggles to have a baby and it made a huge impression on me as a woman in my mid-twenties. I'm not going to rush into anything, but I'm not going to date people who aren't ready to have a family anymore. I do wish I were a man sometimes though so I wouldn't have to worry about this as much.

Re: Why you should take your 20's seriously

#110

Post by petercooper »

akie wrote: post #102
flyosity wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a 29-year old male who spent his 20s building a career I love and now has a 6-month old daughter, so this quote: > Don't waste your 20's "building a career". You've got your 30's and 40's and 50's to do that. Don't be in a rush to have kids too soon. Doesn't really make sense to me. If you don't build a career and finances in your 20s, you either can't afford to have a kid in your early 30s or you have one and ca…

In my late twenties I spent three full years smoking weed everyday. I didn't build a career in my 20s, I just fucked around because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I smoked weed and partied. I had a long-term relationship in my 20s, but we broke up and at 30 I was single again. I was thoroughly lost. I slept on a friends couch for 5 months in a row. All in all, not a very bright future, right? Wrong!…

One of Britain's wealthiest men had a similar experience in his 20s. He didn't get started or even have a bank account until he was 30: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_Bannatyne
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