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The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

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Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#21

Post by apsurd »

mettamage wrote: post #15

> Self-help is dangerous precisely because it easily becomes self-fixation. In my self-help journey I came across meditation which ultimately led me to altruistic-based practices. So can't relate. > A focus on improving the self usually first requires finding problems with the self Oh I got in there the other way around. I wanted a few things out of life socially speaking but society was blocking me somehow. So I wen…

There's a lot of "I"s in your paragraph there.

I think it's worth it to be ok with everyone being a little bit in the same boat of wanting to self-help, then becoming enamored with buddhist ideas, then grappling with everyday being just another human. In whatever order.

I'm sure you mean well but just kinda irked me that you immediately put in the effort to "nope can't relate"

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#22

Post by jpc0 »

Propelloni wrote: post #18

Modern self-help is as much a sham as are management gurus, which is no surprise because they overlap. Who cannot recall "Start with why?" or the "7 habits of highly effective people"? They play on your insecurities and promise silver bullets. If they don't work it is because you are, of course, deficient. You need another self-help book or follow this guy on Insta. Indulging all this self-help stuff is just another…

Of all the self help books I have actually read, The 7 Habits is probably the one that had consistently been useful in actually navigating issues day to day.

And I read it probably closer to two decades ago.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#23

Post by apsurd »

eucyclos wrote: post #9

I enjoy self improvement, but there is something deeply therapeutic about self non - improvement. I don't say 'self acceptance' because that's often described as a necessary precursor to changing whatever we find difficult to accept about ourselves.

self non-improvement.

love it.

existing

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#24

Post by eternauta3k »

DieErde wrote: post #3

It’s the relationships, stupid But is it relationships with just anybody? Or relationships with emotionally healthy, intelligent, adventurous people who share my interests? Maybe I have to climb Maslow’s pyramid to be compatible with those?

This is something I keep thinking about: the spectrum between sainthood (selflessly hang out with the poor/uninteresting/selfish/etc) vs selfish optimization (becoming more interesting/pretty/rich/generous in order to have access to nicer people)

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#25

Post by apsurd »

notaharvardmba wrote: post #8

This post strikes me as immature. Ask an older person like your grandfather what they think about “self help”. And ask like you believe they are wiser than you, not some doddering fool from “another time”. Look, we’re all slaves to our childhood learnings. But you can change and learn to think in a new way—in a way that’s you. Just be you.

what would the older person say? in your experience.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#26

Post by PunchyHamster »

> The older I get, the more I think that self-help can be a trap. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. I say this after ~20 years of writing self-help and a lifetime of consuming it.

so, the self help didn't help and he passed the problem on his readers. Great!

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#27

Post by apsurd »

azangru wrote: post #6

Is it a style like his that LLMs have been copying lately? "It was cold out, but none of us were cold." "In that moment, there was nothing to do. Nothing to improve. Nothing to fix. It was perfect." "We’ve all seen it. Clear as day, you can see the goal post at the top: self-actualization. LFG! It’s time to journal and 80/20 myself! Pass me a shaman and some modafinil. That’s the mission. That’s the point. Right? But…

First impression is that's really his writing. He's a professional writer. Thing is it's like trying to be a professional writer.

very different from actually good writing, as in literature. art.

Nothing against Mr. Ferris, just very clearly happen to come across these "i'm trying really hard at good writing" styles in influencer type blogs.

Re: The Self-Help Trap: What 20 Years of "Optimizing" Has Taught Me

#30

Post by rendx »

eternauta3k wrote: post #24
DieErde wrote: post #3

It’s the relationships, stupid But is it relationships with just anybody? Or relationships with emotionally healthy, intelligent, adventurous people who share my interests? Maybe I have to climb Maslow’s pyramid to be compatible with those?

This is something I keep thinking about: the spectrum between sainthood (selflessly hang out with the poor/uninteresting/selfish/etc) vs selfish optimization (becoming more interesting/pretty/rich/generous in order to have access to nicer people)

From my own experience, and yours might differ, I typically don't find that pretty or rich (or any other such attributes) make for more interesting and nicer. Why is it either selfless saint or egocentrism? You can do both!
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