Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

341–350 of 584 posts

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#341

Post by ptero »

freediver wrote: post #244
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Most people crave conversation and interaction. Those that are busy enough to potentially really be bothered will either show that clearly, or tell you so.

In some age groups/environments, sure; but not in general. And if folks crave interaction they want it to be deeper than a surface level.

That's not saying you should not try, but learn to recognize early signs of folks not being interested and don't push it.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#342

Post by wolvoleo »

circlefavshape wrote: post #300
wolvoleo wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to live in a rural area and I found it so claustrophobic. I hate living in a place where I've seen everyone's face, know every street and every building. It feels so limiting, there's nothing to explore, no magic shops or communities to discover. And also, I really hated the religious mindset with all the little rules they have, the hatred for lgbt people, single parents, foreigners etc. There were good people…

I live in a rural area (not in the US though). Everyone knows I'm a weirdo, and almost all of them are cool with it. This is how people lose their prejudices - they meet a foreigner, or a single mother, or a gay person, and they discover that they like them

I don't think that happens really.

I was a foreigner in that country too and there's been so many times that people were bitching about foreigners with me present, only to realise and go like 'present company excepted of course' as if that makes it ok.

In my experience it just made me the exception to their prejudices but did nothing to actually remove them.

And I was not in the US either by the way.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#343

Post by weatherlite »

I don't know. The idea is old and looks solid but the more I think about it the more I don't buy it; people have less good friends. Many people are estranged from family. Many people barely say hello to their neighbors. Maybe we should expend our limited energy on the people we do know instead of strangers waiting for the bus. For me starting something with a complete stranger is draining; I need to overcome a psychological barrier (that's probably there for a good reason); so the risk is there. The reward ? I'm not sure. Some interactions could be fun, many could be boring and draining. Sure I could get better at this skill of talking to strangers with lots of struggle but the end game isn't really clear, it's not gonna flip my personality into a charismatic stranger lover. I could use the time to quietly stare at space or call my mom instead.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#344

Post by miroljub »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #314
miroljub wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's something an extrovert would say :) Strong words. I'd like to understand your choice of words here. > Categorizing yourself Also known as knowing yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses. > purposefully stunt your growth A wild assumption that talking to everyone will magically let you grow. Some people just prefer to focus on people that matter to them. > ... reduce opportunity for growth By choosing to…

Categorising / knowing yourself is important for sure - I think in the case of the extrovert/introvert thing, it's an important first step to helping yourself, because in my experience/anecdotally, a lot of introverts know they're different from others, yet feel insecure or anxious about it. Awareness and acceptance won't make you "not an introvert" suddenly, but it can help recover from the awkwardness, self-doubt a…

Excellent points.

Knowing who you are and what your boundaries are is important. Being an introvert is not a weakness, as much as being an extrovert is not a strength. It's only that extroverts are louder and more assertive, and that way they convinced the majority of people in between that everyone should be an extrovert.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#345

Post by boilerupnc »

My personal philosophy has always been that “everyone has at least ONE good story to share.” Everyone. Best way to discover these gems is to talk with anyone as when the mood suits you. I’m a richer person for the stories that I’ve been honored to hear.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#346

Post by mcluck »

weatherlite wrote: post #343

I don't know. The idea is old and looks solid but the more I think about it the more I don't buy it; people have less good friends. Many people are estranged from family. Many people barely say hello to their neighbors. Maybe we should expend our limited energy on the people we do know instead of strangers waiting for the bus. For me starting something with a complete stranger is draining; I need to overcome a psycho…

I think you're missing the part where interacting with strangers is also working the general socialization muscle. If you find yourself being more social in general, and give yourself the time to recharge, then you'll be better equipped to engage with those closest to you. You may even get lucky and add someone else to that circle

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#347

Post by beaker52 »

pingou wrote: post #332
beaker52 wrote: post #328

The other day I saw a guy on the train looking at pictures he was actively receiving of a topless woman. He was clearly enjoying it, in his own little world, so I leaned over and said “don’t get scammed buddy”. His anger brewed for a few minutes and he decided he wanted to fight me, so he menacingly stood up. I remained seated and told him to sit down. He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a…

This is quite entertaining and I'm glad there are people like you, but you didn't even think it would be inappropriate to comment on a naked picture that someone receives in a private conversation? I don't even think you were supposed to look at his phone.

Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly.

Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#348

Post by thisislife2 »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

> "I don't want to bother this person".

This is a common mistake many make - please don't be a "mind reader" and make assumptions. Seek clarification. Treat people like adults, and act like adults - you have the right to talk to anyone or ask someone for help. They have the right to be dismissive towards you or say no for whatever personal reason. People have different personalities. Sometimes, even nice people people act differently depending on the day they had and their moods. The point is, if they are strangers, you don't need to attribute any meaning or malice to this. However, always be mindful of social conventions and cultural practices.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#349

Post by lelanthran »

TurdF3rguson wrote: post #205
technothrasher wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I usually just start with a small harmless joke about the current situation we're both in. People either don't respond to it, and I leave them alone, or they engage and a conversation commences.

Let's hear the joke.

"Your tax dollars at work"

Applies to almost any situation, really.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#350

Post by bsenftner »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.
Post reply on HN