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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#291

Post by raihansaputra »

ok it's a bit late but i think a big part is the non-verbal thing you're putting out.

my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#292

Post by haritha-j »

thrownawaysz wrote: post #60

or how to get labeled as a creep by every women joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.

I'm very conscious of this, perhaps more so due to being a brown immigrant, which is why I prefer to chat with men or older people. There's much less ambiguity there.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#293

Post by faize »

saaaaaam wrote: post #24

I talk to everyone. My friends and family joke that it’s impossible for me to go anywhere without getting into conversation with someone. I can’t imagine not doing it. Earlier this year I walked down the main shopping street it the part of the large city where I live, with a colleague from out of town. A few shopkeepers waved through their windows as I went past, the greengrocer came out of his shop to have a quick c…

I never make any small talk because I feel like I don't have anything to say or ask.

How do you know what to say? How do you make the conversation flow and not end awkwardly?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#294

Post by haritha-j »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #233
jmye wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bullshit. That's internet incel horseshit. Have an actual conversation. Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her. Lose the weird, internet pick-up artist intensity. Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching. If not, maybe, just maybe, there'…

>Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her. But the point of this exercise isn't to make a deep friendship. It's practice. Is this article inherently creepy? >Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching. If they do, they're a lot better at hidi…

> But the point of this exercise isn't to make a deep friendship. It's practice.

Personally, that wasn't my takeaway. I thought it was more that you and the other person would get some joy out of the interaction. As in, conversations with strangers will be fun, even if you don't end up being friends.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#295

Post by bondarchuk »

jmye wrote: post #209
vedaba wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Until you run into an A-hole whose response ruins the rest of your day when you were just trying to be sociable. I could even see getting physically assaulted for trying to talk to the wrong stranger. I like where your heart is at, unfortunately many people out there are not deserving of it.

I mean, why does it ruin your day? It's just some random person - you'll likely never see them again, or you'll know to avoid them in the future. Why is the opinion of some rando weighing on you so much?

This whole thread is about wanting to talk with strangers because it makes you feel good, if approval from strangers makes you feel good the natural corollary is rejection from strangers can also make you feel bad. It would be bit weird to go out of your way to talk to people because you'd enjoy their kindness but then when they're unkind turn around all like "oh I never cared about you anyway". Isn't it?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#296

Post by sethammons »

TurdF3rguson wrote: post #205
technothrasher wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I usually just start with a small harmless joke about the current situation we're both in. People either don't respond to it, and I leave them alone, or they engage and a conversation commences.

Let's hear the joke.

Turd Ferguson; that's a funny name

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#297

Post by unsupp0rted »

SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I used to do this constantly but eventually I found it tedious.

The conversation almost always went smoothly and I got the sense my interlocutor was pleasantly surprised to be engaged and had a great time chatting.

But for me it became a chore, rather than a joy. It was “work” like guiding/teaching somebody. The juice was rarely worth the squeeze.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#298

Post by jcattle »

TurdF3rguson wrote: post #205
technothrasher wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I usually just start with a small harmless joke about the current situation we're both in. People either don't respond to it, and I leave them alone, or they engage and a conversation commences.

Let's hear the joke.

All of these have to be told light-hearted, as observational "jokes". Not like you are actually annoyed. You're just making light of a situation.

"I guess the bus is just never on time here, huh"

(Stuck in line at the grocers) "Friday evening rush-hour"

Same kind of thing with whatever you are observing, at the Doctor, in the gym, waiting for the light to turn, etc, etc.

It's all shit jokes if you can even call them that. But the purpose isn't to start a standup routine, it's to share a situation with a stranger and open up the floor to conversation. You are basically just indicating to a stranger: "Hey, I'm open for conversation", they can then choose to respond or just ignore the remark. Then you go from there.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#299

Post by matwood »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #191
gyomu wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As the article says, you just take the risk. Maybe you will bother the person. It’s okay, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you do, and you just gracefully back away and go on with your day. It’ll probably happen much less than you think.

When the risk can involve lasting consequences (especially in places like work/school), it makes me not want to bother.

I'm trying to figure out in what situation asking someone a general question like 'how is your day going?' going to have lasting negative consequences.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#300

Post by circlefavshape »

wolvoleo wrote: post #269
Loughla wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To summarize, the suggestion was to live like you live in the Midwest outside of urban/suburban areas. That's very funny to me. My spouse had a hard time acclimating to rural Midwest life after living in a mega city on the East Coast. She complained that everything takes an extra half hour for time spent standing around talking about nothing. It never dawned on me that if you're from a place, like a large city, where…

I used to live in a rural area and I found it so claustrophobic. I hate living in a place where I've seen everyone's face, know every street and every building. It feels so limiting, there's nothing to explore, no magic shops or communities to discover. And also, I really hated the religious mindset with all the little rules they have, the hatred for lgbt people, single parents, foreigners etc. There were good people…

I live in a rural area (not in the US though). Everyone knows I'm a weirdo, and almost all of them are cool with it. This is how people lose their prejudices - they meet a foreigner, or a single mother, or a gay person, and they discover that they like them
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