I used to avoid talking to people because it always turns out to be an argument
Later I realized this is wrong on my part, talking is all about talking, let the vibe continue and don't let it die.
How to talk to anyone and why you should
261–270 of 584 posts
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#262Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#263One of my best stranger conversations talking to a “Big Issue” [1] seller outside a supermarket. As I understand, they’re (close to) homeless usually.
When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.
This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.
I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#264Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’ve got a terrible poker face. People would instantly rumble me. So as soon as I had to talk to someone with politician face it would all go wrong.
I think it depends. Having the kind of network and connections you do connects you with the actual needs of your community At which point, it's not necessarily Transactional, but fostering connection and collaboration in order to create win-win situations for everyone in your community. That's what politicking Should be.
Should be, absolutely. But isn’t where I am. People who go into local politics here seem to be interested in elevating their profile, having influence, or money.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#265I'm at Paris Baguette, a Korean lower-end coffee shop chain common in the Bay Area. The guy next to me has headphones on and his laptop on a stand. Or it's four middle-aged Latino women celebrating a birthday. Or it's a bunch of local high-school kids. Do I lean over and say, "Hi, how are you guys doing? Really good coffee they have here, huh?" I'm at the gym. It's a big-box gym. It's full of dudes wearing Airpods Ma…
Yes, it's that easy!
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#266Earlier quoted context omitted.
>how exactly does this kind of individual conversation actually help me? It doesn't. It just helps the speaker.
What a bizarre perspective. Have you never gotten any personal value out of a single conversation in your entire life? Have you never made a friend? I don't understand this "all conversations are bad and useless" nonsense. What on earth do you think you're doing on social media?
I'm not saying that all conversations are bad. I'm just talking about the one hour one-sided conversations described in the article.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#267I think it's mostly the denormalisation of this. Indeed someone just randomly striking a conversation with a stranger will come across as a psycho or a creep. No one wants to be perceived that way.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#268Earlier quoted context omitted.
I concur. And would just add two points: (1) Make it that you’re not asking for anything / don’t open with something that could be perceived as a setup to asking for money, or pushing a religion. :) 2) be sensitive to social cues or that they want to be left alone, like terse answers or shifting their attention away from you
This actually jives with my personal experience living in NYC. New Yorkers have a reputation for being stone cold with strangers, but the truth is that anytime somebody approaches you out of the blue, there's an assumption that they're about to ask for money or try to get in your pants. Once you demonstrate you're not looking for either (or, if the second I suppose, that you're at least smooth enough for it not to be…
Yeah NYC is the one place in America I'd love to visit.
But unfortunately it's in America so I'm not going there until you have some sane leaders again :(
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#269After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…
To summarize, the suggestion was to live like you live in the Midwest outside of urban/suburban areas. That's very funny to me. My spouse had a hard time acclimating to rural Midwest life after living in a mega city on the East Coast. She complained that everything takes an extra half hour for time spent standing around talking about nothing. It never dawned on me that if you're from a place, like a large city, where…
I used to live in a rural area and I found it so claustrophobic. I hate living in a place where I've seen everyone's face, know every street and every building. It feels so limiting, there's nothing to explore, no magic shops or communities to discover.
And also, I really hated the religious mindset with all the little rules they have, the hatred for lgbt people, single parents, foreigners etc. There were good people too but you always had to watch who was around to have a chat. I'm very progressive and atheist. And very alternative.
My ex who was from this community even got in trouble with some parents because she told the kids she was minding that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago. Apparently it's normal to deny all the progress we have made as a society.
I just couldn't deal with it, it just made me so depressed. And this wasn't even in the US but just in Europe.
In the city it's much easier to find open-minded people. And the ones who aren't don't control public life. I don't ever want to live in a rural area again after that (though in fairness I do have some ptsd from it).
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#270After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…
This advice is not for everyone.
Obviously this works only if you are an extrovert. Introverts would find this kind of interaction a wasteful use of limited social energy available to them.