I usually dislike when people talk to me in public. Some people have nothing to say but they trap you in a conversation anyways. Some people are genuinely interesting and energizing to talk to. Either way, every conversation i've had in public has stuck with me and I can remember these conversations 6+ years later.
How to talk to anyone and why you should
111–120 of 584 posts
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#112After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…
I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?
You're not afraid of bothering them, you're afraid of rejection. But so what if they do? The fear isn't rational, so choose to overcome it.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#113After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…
I found mixed results given underlying anxiety that hadn't been diagnosed at the point I was trying this. Talking to new people at work, while out pursuing hobbies, and around town, all accrued to more and better conversations.
It was a much bigger struggle with conversations where I was putting extra pressure on myself. Being able to have those other conversations was helpful though. Eventually, I found a therapist and am in a better place with this.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#114Earlier quoted context omitted.
Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Most people like it! And even if they don’t, that’s ok, trust people to tell you their boundaries and respect them when they do. Nothing wrong with bothering someone if they tell you or send a strong signal and you respect it.
See my answer to that question is “er, yes, obviously??!” and so I assume, apparently incorrectly, that everyone is like me.
If it's obvious to you that everyone should be bothered by people being friendly then there's an error in your reasoning process.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#115Earlier quoted context omitted.
Clubhouse is still around?!
you cannot sign up without sharing your contact list (lol)
It’s a dark pattern. You have to check the box and then click “Don’t allow”. You do not need to share contact or real name or anything.
It’s a good app, I’m not saying the people that run it are good lol.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#116Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's really tiresome. I am happy to have to a conversation if approached, but don't tell me I "should" do the same to others
I had a recent encounter with a guy in a coffee shop who approached me and wanted to discuss recent sportsball games in great detail. I had no idea what he was talking about, I don't even know the local teams, after living here 30 years. He had no other topics.
I had a friend like that. Soccer soccer soccer. His soccer knowledge was impeccable. But he allowed almost no space in his life for anything else. A kind of addiction. He had no other interests, didn't read about anything else.
There's only so mach a person can take being on the other side of someone like that. We drifted apart...
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#117Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?
I genuinely get bothered when someone talks to me. I am typically rushing through my day to do stuff, whether it is hiking, grocery shopping, working out, or going to the restroom at work, and getting interrupted feels to me like getting an unwanted push notification on your phone. When someone occasionally engages, I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. I also intentionally keep…
> it would seem an incredibly rude thing to do
It's one thing to not want it and to be comfortable not wanting it, but viewing it as rude goes way beyond that and is not rational.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#118Earlier quoted context omitted.
I genuinely get bothered when someone talks to me. I am typically rushing through my day to do stuff, whether it is hiking, grocery shopping, working out, or going to the restroom at work, and getting interrupted feels to me like getting an unwanted push notification on your phone. When someone occasionally engages, I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. I also intentionally keep…
> I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. And I think that's the answer; people who don't want to talk will simply tell you! And everyone carries on.
But they said it's rude just to speak to them ... which is a factually erroneous characterization.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#119or how to get labeled as a creep by every women joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.
> or how to get labeled as a creep by every women
If you’re a man and go into it with the mindset of only talking to women, especially attractive ones, then of course that would get you labeled as a creep because it is creep behaviour. That’s not striking up a conversation with strangers, it’s hitting on women. You have to approach anyone equally. Address the attractive woman the same way you approach the old man on the bus stop.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#120I fail at the first hurdle. A small innocuous comment is often met with a "huh?" as if I had said it in Japanese or mentioned how nice the wallpaper tastes. It's like they clock the (relatively mild) autism immediately. Then I just feel super self conscious and lock up