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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#101

Post by DiskoHexyl »

vedaba wrote: post #84
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

Until you run into an A-hole whose response ruins the rest of your day when you were just trying to be sociable. I could even see getting physically assaulted for trying to talk to the wrong stranger. I like where your heart is at, unfortunately many people out there are not deserving of it.

The idea of practicing these random interactions is also to get accustomed to rejections from the assholes. After all, they aren’t the majority- most people are actually quite nice and often appreciate a company (or will politely tell you they don’t need one)

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#102

Post by [deleted] »

cdrini wrote: post #96
deanmoriarty wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I genuinely get bothered when someone talks to me. I am typically rushing through my day to do stuff, whether it is hiking, grocery shopping, working out, or going to the restroom at work, and getting interrupted feels to me like getting an unwanted push notification on your phone. When someone occasionally engages, I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. I also intentionally keep…

> I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. And I think that's the answer; people who don't want to talk will simply tell you! And everyone carries on.

[deleted]

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#103

Post by frumplestlatz »

mindwok wrote: post #16
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Most people like it! And even if they don’t, that’s ok, trust people to tell you their boundaries and respect them when they do. Nothing wrong with bothering someone if they tell you or send a strong signal and you respect it.

Yes, 100%. I don’t want to have a surface-level conversation with a stranger.

I’m also never going to be rude about it — unless you are first. Just pick up on the obvious hints that I’m not super into talking.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#104

Post by saaaaaam »

Agingcoder wrote: post #54

My kids make fun of me because I know the shopkeepers around me by first name, along with the details of their businesses , and that shopping takes forever because I talk to everyone, customers included. I just love it, it’s easy and I get a lot in return - from perks to incredible encounters. At work it’s been very helpful. I developed that skill while traveling alone for a year , and it boils down to practicing and…

This is absolutely my experience.

And now because I know them I go there because I can buy my stuff but also spend five minutes chatting and that makes going grocery shopping a real joy. And because I go there and chat they do nice things like give me a couple of tomatoes or “you’ve got to try this cake” or the wine shop where I automatically get a 15% discount, or the butcher where they let me in when are already closed but they know I’ve come over specially.

And some of those people have become real friends, like go and have dinner together friends. We have very different lives but we get on because we get on. I think everyone benefits from reaching out of their bubble a bit.

If I’m feeling a bit glum I’ll go out to buy bread or something because I know just seeing the people I see regularly will lift me up.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#105

Post by [deleted] »

mindwok wrote: post #16
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Most people like it! And even if they don’t, that’s ok, trust people to tell you their boundaries and respect them when they do. Nothing wrong with bothering someone if they tell you or send a strong signal and you respect it.

[deleted]

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#107

Post by purerandomness »

mattlondon wrote: post #75
granfalloon wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's being "forced"? And what boundaries aren't being respected? If someone attempts to strike up a conversation and you're not interested, you can signal that. Or just be direct and say you don't feel like talking. Sure, that can be uncomfortable, but you can't expect humanity as a whole to repress its social nature just to spare you occasional, fleeting moments of mild discomfort. (And despite the wide spectrum o…

Because it is this "talk to anyone " thing, like if they say no you just need to keep trying because really deep down they just don't know how nice you're being by giving them a chance to talk to you . It's supreme arrogance. Read the body language and just leave people alone. If someone is up for talking they'll show the obvious signs - facing you, eye contact, smiling, that sort of waiting-for-something look/expres…

> keep trying because really deep down they just don't know how nice you're being by giving them a chance to talk to you.

I don't fathom what kind of trauma would lead you to take this positive, light-hearted advice to connect to fellow human beings, and to spin this into such a vile, evil, anti-social narrative.

How does that help?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#109

Post by consp »

Why does the majority of people just assume people want to communicate... I have not read the article and never am going to. This headline premise alone of doing that will destroy any sanity I have. I do not, ever, want to talk you as a standard and you should never force that to me.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#110

Post by setsewerd »

deanmoriarty wrote: post #89
baxtr wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?

I genuinely get bothered when someone talks to me. I am typically rushing through my day to do stuff, whether it is hiking, grocery shopping, working out, or going to the restroom at work, and getting interrupted feels to me like getting an unwanted push notification on your phone. When someone occasionally engages, I extremely quickly dismiss them in the most polite, but firm, way possible. I also intentionally keep…

Fascinating how much this varies by culture too. People generally have attitudes similar to you in Nordic countries, or even Seattle, but then you go to South American countries, or India, and it feels like everyone talks to everyone all the time.
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