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I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

elliot.my

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Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#71

Post by K0balt »

notachatbot123 wrote: post #65
aipatselarom wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you actually did that you'd know most domestic violence is from women towards men. But it doesn't transcend as men are usually way stronger and just brush it off. Hint: It's so prevalent it's even considered "funny".

Nope, that's not true.

If you mean, by reporting statistics, you’re probably right. But men in general are widely used to physical abuse and are expected to take it. Granted, it is rarely significantly harmful and women use it as a way to reassure themselves that men are “in charge “ or whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is vile behavior.

Men’s behavior is as much shaped by female expectations as the behavior of women is molded by men.

Like it or not, we’re in this together, and cooperation with mutual understanding and benefit is the only way forward. We can see what happens when this breaks down, as in sharia law. How do you think this ends if we ceaselessly demonize men? Shame has its limits, and they start where the violence begins.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#72

Post by antisthenes »

I agree with most of these except 28.

> Some people are profoundly broken – usually from life's harsh trials. Give yourself permission to remove them from your orbit. Their healing requires years of professional help, more than well-meaning friends and family can achieve.

If you give up on those people and cut them out, you're pretty much condemning them to continuing being broken.

This conflicts with the earlier advice of trying to be kind.

Don't let them control you but don't cut them out. Give them some of your time and some kindness. You never know how much time a "profoundly broken" person has left.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#73

Post by direwolf20 »

krapp wrote: post #61
direwolf20 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a hypothetical. In reality, men and women wonder why men and women choose the sociopath.

In reality, you can predict a bear's behavior but you can never tell what a man will do to you given the chance. Maybe nothing. Maybe years of gaslighting, cruelty and violence because of mother issues. Maybe nothing and one day they just snap and shoot you and your entire family. And it isn't simply a matter of sociopathy, but a model of masculine behavior and culture that trains men to view women as a currency and…

How do we know men and women don't just operate by instinct?

Bears are smart. They can't design bearproof trash cans for national parks because the smartest bears are smarter than the dumbest national park visitors.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#74

Post by blargthorwars »

antisthenes wrote: post #72

I agree with most of these except 28. > Some people are profoundly broken – usually from life's harsh trials. Give yourself permission to remove them from your orbit. Their healing requires years of professional help, more than well-meaning friends and family can achieve. If you give up on those people and cut them out, you're pretty much condemning them to continuing being broken. This conflicts with the earlier adv…

It's definitely a balancing act. I have a friend with whom I try gently help him fix his spiraling life. That would let me help him if he's open to it. But for my own sanity and the health of my family, I can't make it a year-long repeated ask.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#77

Post by theblazehen »

elliotmy wrote: post #47
kibbul4 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Author telling on himself here

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally. I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules…

Appreciate your explainer, and agreed with you. The way it was written came off to me as "don't worry about the pain you cause others for their sake, avoid causing pain because it'll be bad for yourself"

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#78

Post by IAmBroom »

elliotmy wrote: post #67
aipatselarom wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same. Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author. Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

[flagged]

Fallacy of composition: Not every member of a set is guaranteed to share all attributes with the "bad apples" in the set. Not even if there are a lot of bad apples.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#79

Post by krapp »

direwolf20 wrote: post #73
krapp wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In reality, you can predict a bear's behavior but you can never tell what a man will do to you given the chance. Maybe nothing. Maybe years of gaslighting, cruelty and violence because of mother issues. Maybe nothing and one day they just snap and shoot you and your entire family. And it isn't simply a matter of sociopathy, but a model of masculine behavior and culture that trains men to view women as a currency and…

How do we know men and women don't just operate by instinct? Bears are smart. They can't design bearproof trash cans for national parks because the smartest bears are smarter than the dumbest national park visitors.

>How do we know men and women don't just operate by instinct?

Because we define "instinct" in a way that separates the behavior of animals from humans and we have evidence from both personal experience and observing the behavior of other higher primates that humans are capable of operating beyond their instincts, for instance by creating social and political abstractions which optimize for things other than survival and procreation. The existence of art, language, science, philosophy and law cannot be reduced to purely instinctual drives.

This is a profoundly uninteresting and juvenile line of argument which inevitably reduces to solipsism.

>Bears are smart. They can't design bearproof trash cans for national parks because the smartest bears are smarter than the dumbest national park visitors.

Humans split the atom, sequenced genomes and went to the moon. We can't design bearproof trash cans because those trash cans have to be usable by humans, which creates fundamental engineering weaknesses that animals can exploit, not because bears are smarter than humans.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#80

Post by eudamoniac »

theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

I won't say most, but it's clear a lot of men are tempted by the flesh and have to actively choose not to cheat on their partner. This is a trope throughout cultures and histories for a reason. Some are lucky enough to find monogamy trivial and natural, but a lot of people are practicing self control.
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