Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

891–900 of 1001 posts

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#891

Post by defo10 »

grvdrm wrote: post #879
defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

Do you have any references on loneliness interventions? Very interested.

Here’s a highly relevant, recently published paper:

Lasgaard M, Qualter P, Løvschall C, et al. Are loneliness interventions effective for reducing loneliness? A meta-analytic review of 280 studies. Am Psychol. Published online October 23, 2025. doi:10.1037/amp0001578

If you know German, you might be interested in the two books on loneliness published by Noëmi Seewer and Tobias Krieger.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#892

Post by roboror »

yamilg wrote: post #889
neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

This! I agree 100%. How do you deal with the feeling of tiredness that comes after doing this for a while? You know, when you reach a ratio of 20:1 invitations sent versus received? When you inevitably start wanting reciprocity, or for someone else to take the initiative for a change?

If it's truly down to 20:1 I think you need to start looking at what other variables in your life are keeping that number down and maybe have a conversation about it. Poor circle of friends match, poor scheduling, some personality flaw that you can work on etc.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#893

Post by elevatortrim »

cushychicken wrote: post #821
yibg wrote: post #733

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately a lot of these require either an existing network or high stakes interaction (sending invites, accepting invites etc). They're good advise, but can be hard to execute on for most people. If we want to solve this at the society or community level, there needs to be more opportunities for low stakes interaction. Places that people can passively gather around a communal activity. I'm reminded of the ladies…

They're good advise, but can be hard to execute on for most people. OP gave the thread a very good and valid suggestion. Treating this as a societal problem - for "society" to solve - is lazy thinking. If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

"you just have to put yourself out there" is lazy thinking, you are ignoring all the underlying psychological and physilogical factors preventing people from doing it.

Making the society more welcoming works. It worked wonders for me. I moved from a country where things like meetup events are not common and groups are less welcoming to strangers. Having moved to UK, meetup events allowed me to go out and socialise because I could sign up without speaking to anyone, and go there and participate in the activity, without the pressure to socialise, it was an optional benefit. These settings allowed me to socialise with strangers that I could never do before.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#894

Post by rcbdev »

account42 wrote: post #784
rcbdev wrote: post #690

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> and nerds like us often are rejection-sensitive As opposed to non-nerds of course, who are famously fine with rejection. In all seriousness, there is no evidence to suggest that being a nerd (read: having nerdy interests) is related to being more emotionally stunted than the average person. You're just perpetuating a bad stereotype.

You might be working with a different definition of "nerd" compared to OP. From wikipedia: > A nerd is a person seen as over-intellectual, obsessive, introverted, or lacking social skills. It's not a stereotype that nerds are socially awkward but rather "nerd" is the name for the stereotype.

I was not aware of this definition, thank you.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#896

Post by elevatortrim »

marliechiller wrote: post #808
SwtCyber wrote: post #723

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, burned out, or socially anxious, that constant reaching out + rejection tax can be genuinely exhausting, not just uncomfortable

As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

These two are not really the same.

You generally do not go to the gym and fail, exercising works more or less the same for almost everyone, you get good hormones, you feel good.

Socialising, on the other hand, is entirely different. Some people thrive in it, some people feel much more dread afterwards.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#897

Post by chakie2 »

I’m quite lonely nowadays. Partially by my nature of being somewhat introvert and partially due to some years of depression where I mostly shut everyone out, leading to more or less no friends anymore. I see a couple guys sometimes for coffee during weekends but that’s all I do socially. It doesn’t get easier to find new friends when you’re 50+, so better do the work while you’re young. I’m mostly fucked by now.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#898

Post by Dilettante_ »

publicdebates wrote: post #819
defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

I'm extremely skeptical of financial solutions to this problem. One of the most fundamental reasons for my own personal loneliness is that, in many of the connections I've made, they simply do not feel sincere, genuine, authentic, and simply because the other person clearly has a different motivation for "caring" about me than actually caring about me. For example, the churchgoers I've met have always felt like they…

It's a little like being invited to things out of pity, by people who know that you don't have any friends and struggle socially: It's nice, and I do feel their kindness from the gesture. But in the end, I only feel more isolated. I want people to hang out because they enjoy it, not out of charity. The social connection just isn't there, there's no sense of belonging, quite the opposite.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#899

Post by dividefuel »

When I think of times in which I've made friends, it usually has to do with being in a group of similar-ish peers for an extended period of time, ideally with a shared goal. School is the obvious example, but work can be too if your coworkers are similar enough.

I've often wanted something of a service that produces something similar: creating groups of people that commit to spending time together on some task or activity. E.g. people who are into sports commit to meet up N times to go watch their local team, or people who love animals can volunteer at an animal shelter weekly for a couple of months.

The 'tech' part of this probably comes from: 1) matching people well to groups, like considering age, personality, politics, location, interests, etc to try to create a good fit. and 2) making it much easier for them to participate in activities, like by automatically booking tickets for events, etc.

Obviously there would be challenges. How do you prevent people from flaking or bailing? How do you handle groups where one person is clearly a bad apple?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#900

Post by defo10 »

tom1337 wrote: post #806
defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

as a fellow german, is there somewhere we can find your company / product? i'd be interested in checking that out.

Sure! It’s a mobile app called platoniq. You can learn more about it here https://platoniq.health

We have a free scholarship option if you can’t afford the course. Our short term plan is to cooperate with (German) health insurance companies so there will be no costs on your part.

Post reply on HN