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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#871

Post by awacs »

I've been a remote engineer for about 10 years now, just over 50, enjoy programming but most of my friends have dropped off or gone crazy (trumpers) in recent years, and I never got married.

I recently took a local wheel throwing (pottery class), which was daunting at first, among a class of almost all females, younger, etc, but im 6 months in and literally just interacting with humans is one of the best parts of my week. Hobby is pretty cool too, so completely different than banging code all day.

Sometimes I don't feel like going after days of being alone and literally talking to no one, it puts you in a "zone" for sure, but then I go to the class, and you realize, at least imho, humans are social creatures. It's like food, we need that interaction or we whither and die.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#873

Post by nvusuvu »

Church used to hold more sway with people in forming communities. When at its best, it provides a safe place for strengthening relationships, celebrating the community's successes and mourning with the time calls for it. If you are lonely, try a church regardless of your spiritual beliefs. You are always welcome at mine!

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#874

Post by tstrimple »

csours wrote: post #48

I don't have a full answer, but a couple thoughts: 1. Volunteer. Somewhere, anywhere, for a good cause, for a selfish cause. Somebody will be happy to see you. 2. Stop trolling ourselves. As far as I can tell, all of the mass social media is trending sharply towards being a 100% troll mill. The things people say on social media do not reflect genuine beliefs of any significant percentage of the population, but if we…

> The things people say on social media do not reflect genuine beliefs of any significant percentage of the population

The social media trolls are running the government. This can't be a serious take in 2026.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#875

Post by stetrain »

michaelrpeskin wrote: post #58
stetrain wrote: post #37

Maybe our built environment shouldn't consist solely of isolated houses in isolated gated communities where we drive our kids and sit in isolated cars in the school dropoff/pickup lines.

This may just be me, but I hold the opposite view. When I lived in a rural area with a few acres of property, I was much more social and engaged with my community. Now I live at the edge of the city in a medium-high density townhouse area with no private outdoor space. Since I can never really get away from people and be alone, I also have no desire to go out and do things and engage with the community. I think the v…

I don't think it's as simple as urban vs rural.

You can have a small town with a nice downtown or park where people meet and hang out. You can have walkable neighborhoods without giant apartment buildings. Neighborhoods where kids ride around on bikes.

That's different than a suburb full of isolated gated communities where each house technically has a yard but you still don't have any privacy and the HOA tells you what color to paint your house and fines you for your grass not being perfectly green all year.

You can also have dense areas without green space, full of cars and noise, and without nice places to hang out with friends.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#876

Post by svantana »

artyom wrote: post #847

Sorry, wrong diagnosis in my opinion. There's not a loneliness epidemic, there's a selfishness epidemic. Nobody does anything for anyone anymore (unless there's money involved, of course). That's the reason people is alone, avoids having kids or dealing with other people's stuff that could disrupt their overly comfortable western way of life. Even people that's not that selfish is operating in that environment.

Sorry but this makes no sense. Socializing is not an act of kindness, generally - people mostly do it because they want to. And people have always been selfish.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#877

Post by chownie »

marliechiller wrote: post #808
SwtCyber wrote: post #723

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, burned out, or socially anxious, that constant reaching out + rejection tax can be genuinely exhausting, not just uncomfortable

As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

> You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

When this doesn't happen what do you do?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#878

Post by clemailacct1 »

awacs wrote: post #871

I've been a remote engineer for about 10 years now, just over 50, enjoy programming but most of my friends have dropped off or gone crazy (trumpers) in recent years, and I never got married. I recently took a local wheel throwing (pottery class), which was daunting at first, among a class of almost all females, younger, etc, but im 6 months in and literally just interacting with humans is one of the best parts of my…

[flagged]

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#879

Post by grvdrm »

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

Do you have any references on loneliness interventions? Very interested.
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