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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#501

Post by sailfast »

eagsalazar2 wrote: post #481
neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

I love this but I think you'll be surprised at your success rate. Everyone is struggling with this, not just you. Right on the heels of covid we were debating whether to have a NYE party or just go to a friend's house for a low key thing. We were paralyzed a bit feeling like, why we weren't invited to other parties ourselves? Won't everyone already be busy doing other stuff? In the end my wife took the leap and invit…

In my experience, the problem is not a low success rate, but the burnout from being the only person that invites people to do things. At a certain point you want to see some reciprocation to create community. It can definitely happen, but a lot of folks still fall back on the habits. You have to invite and then also start asking people who's gonna host the next one and get them on the hook, and then not burnout from being a constant organizer :)

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#502

Post by nicbou »

bherms wrote: post #91

All of the replies so far are suggesting ideas for an individual but seem to be missing the real crux of the matter... Yes, you'll be less lonely if you join a group, get out of your house, etc... But how do we actively incentivize that? Social media and whatnot have hundreds of thousands of people working around the clock to find ways to suck you in and monopolize your time. While "everyone should recognize the prob…

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#504

Post by gulugawa »

FrustratedMonky wrote: post #247
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

Sounds like a lot of work. Isn't there an app where I can just order a temporary friend for a few hours. Uber Friend.

I'm working on a decentralized open source Meetup alternative where people can find social events and meet new friends. https://codeberg.org/createthirdplaces

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#505

Post by SchemaLoad »

thebigspacefuck wrote: post #479

For me, the answer was smoking. I made a ton of friends that way. Always went out to a pool hall, a bar, or a nice patio so I could smoke. It was great. You can’t smoke in your rental so you gotta get out and find places to smoke. Few states you can do it in anymore though. I moved to a state with a smoking ban and quit smoking, no point to it. Don’t get out as much nowadays.

I watched this video that proposed that the way to quit phone addiction was to give your hands something else to fiddle with, proposing that in older societies, people spent massive amounts of time on mindless hand work like weaving baskets, knitting, sharpening spears, etc.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#506

Post by gulugawa »

bherms wrote: post #91

All of the replies so far are suggesting ideas for an individual but seem to be missing the real crux of the matter... Yes, you'll be less lonely if you join a group, get out of your house, etc... But how do we actively incentivize that? Social media and whatnot have hundreds of thousands of people working around the clock to find ways to suck you in and monopolize your time. While "everyone should recognize the prob…

Drive up demand for third places where people can meet new friends.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#507

Post by SchemaLoad »

6r17 wrote: post #435

I'm wondering if there are any research groups led by sociologist that explore this topic which may be helped by a group of volunteer ? I've always wondered why applications like Tinder etc... have not been completely destroyed by open-source already ? We also forget that communities are essentially what allowed this escape in the first place ; I remember going to psytrance festivals but there are so many more escape…

The hard part of Tinder is not the software. It's marketing, moderation, balancing the needs of different users, etc. Something that makes the platform shitty for one type of user makes it more desirable for another.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#508

Post by bossyTeacher »

> You have to be the one who creates things to do.

This. Isn't it fascinating that for all the different ways we have to reach people (almost immediately, anywhere in the world, at virtually no cost) and all the different social entertainment options, people feel unable to perform an action that is so simple? An action that their ancestors going back all the way to the hominids has done at massively greater costs to them?

What is it that makes people feel this powerless?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#509

Post by l-j-g »

We need an open-source dating / social platform that isn’t designed to monetise loneliness.

We’ve outsourced forming relationships to profit-driven systems that trade comfort and convenience for reduced real-world social effort. By substituting the need to approach people in person, these platforms quietly erode social confidence and reinforce avoidance, exacerbating the social problems they claim to solve.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#510

Post by gulugawa »

j2kun wrote: post #431

Make a social app whose goal is to get people off their phone as quickly as possible. There used to be a slew of apps where you a press a button to indicate "I'm bored/free, who wants to hang out?" and then you get matched with your contact list and anyone else who pressed the button at the same time. But for whatever reason they all flamed out and died.

I think the solution is for the app to advertise public social events where people can make connections and exchange contact information in person.

Allowing random people to message each other without meeting in person is a mistake. The nonverbal cues people get from in person interactions are helpful for discovering shared interested and personality compatibility.

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