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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#421

Post by hexbin010 »

zahlman wrote: post #95
toomuchtodo wrote: post #5

Intentionally choose community and the effort it takes to build and cultivate it [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]. People are work, but you cannot live without community [6]. [1] https://web.archive.org/web/20250212233145/https://www.hhs.g... [1] https://thepeoplescommunity.substack.com/ [3] https://www.tiktok.com/@amandalitman/video/75927501854034854... [4] https://boingboing.net/2015/12/21/a-survivalist-on-why-you-s... [5] http…

I'd like to assert here that "community" can exist online as well. It's not just people staying indoors; it's about how they interact with what others write and whether they even care that another person wrote it. It's about things like coming to recognize usernames and build trust. Of course, LLM generated content threatens that, so things have gotten worse.

A poor facsimile of community perhaps, at best

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#422

Post by OkayPhysicist »

alecco wrote: post #407
dontwannahearit wrote: post #296

Not for everyone but if you can, get a dog. Dogs are icebreakers. People like to meet a cute dog. They won't know your name at first but you will be "Fido's Dad" or "Dave's Mom". Other dog owners will greet you and so long as your dogs don't hate each other you already have something in common. A dog gives you a reason to be wherever you want to be - take a walk around the neighborhood or to the park. You're not a ra…

But that's like befriending others through the kids. Those usually are very shallow relationships. If they suddenly stop seeing you they wouldn't even check if you are OK or what happened. I guess it's better than nothing but that's not for me.

Having many shallow relationships is the first (well, second) step towards having a few deeper ones. You can't befriend people you never meet, and people find it extremely offputting for someone they don't know to immediately try to be their best friend.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#423

Post by vlod »

I once shard a flat/apartment with a female social butterfly. She once gave me some great advice, which is to NEVER turn down an invitation.

Going out and trying to be comfortable in non-ideal situations (i.e. you know hardly anyone there) is a skill you can learn. I often think it's probably like sales cold calling. After a while you develop calluses.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#424

Post by socalgal2 »

I fit the

> sit alone every day and have no one to talk to, people of all ages, who don't feel that they can join any local groups

I do not fit the

> So they sit on social media all day when they're not at work or school

I'm bringing this up because, at least for me, the issue is has nothing to do with social media, at least not directly.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#425

Post by hightrix »

syntaxing wrote: post #415

Are you talking about the US? If so, I heard this proposed on a podcast “Grey Area”. Mandatory two year draft for all, regardless of gender. It sounds crazy at first but it kind makes sense the more you think about it.

No. It sounds crazy after thinking about it for a while also. Especially with the current administration.

This is not the American way.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#426

Post by Erazal »

Encouraging people to meet up in everyday life and gathering them just to talk is where I’d simply start.

In that spirit I have created and deployed a vibe coded app: come have dinner.com (not the real website).

A simple website we share with my SO to our loved ones, friends, co workers and more. People can register to come have dinner at ours, with an attendance they don’t know.

The website has an admin interface with a simple password, some good jokes, email reminders and calendar invitations.

Should I open source it?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#428

Post by hexbin010 »

dontwannahearit wrote: post #296

Not for everyone but if you can, get a dog. Dogs are icebreakers. People like to meet a cute dog. They won't know your name at first but you will be "Fido's Dad" or "Dave's Mom". Other dog owners will greet you and so long as your dogs don't hate each other you already have something in common. A dog gives you a reason to be wherever you want to be - take a walk around the neighborhood or to the park. You're not a ra…

> You're not a rando taking a walk for mysterious and possible nefarious purposes

Good god, where do you live where people think like that?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#429

Post by blopker »

publicdebates wrote: post #2

I'm also in this group, so I have a few theories as to what causes it and how to fix it. For one thing, I was severely traumatized as a kid, which delayed a lot of my social skills. I'm catching up but not all the way there yet. When my social battery is full, I can do pretty well, but if I'm even a little down, it's basically impossible to act normally. I also had it hammered into me as a kid that nobody wants me ar…

After my dad died from cancer in 2018, I saw first hand the resulting loneliness and the lack of resources available. Being an engineer, I figured I might as well try to solve it, at least for some people. In 2020, I started a non-profit for small support groups[0]. We're small, and I've been mostly funding it myself, but it's growing. The main issue is we don't have the resources to cover every topic, so it's not for everyone (yet). Happy to chat if you have feedback, email is in my profile.

Everything we do is open source too[1].

[0]: https://www.totem.org/ [1]: https://github.com/totem-technologies/totem-server

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#430

Post by cm2012 »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

Both latam and western europe report and east Asia report higher loneliness rates than the US or the Nordics. Very consistently.
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