Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

My son is comparing every alternative to what he can accomplish by staying home and practicing guitar. However, we are trying to start an anime theme song cover band (e.g. "Upstate NY's most energetic opening act") for which he's going to play Bass, Rhythm or Lead as needed and I'm going to be the Kitsune/Band Manager/Mascot.

It cannot be solved, at least not in the way I think people want it to be.

We’re lonely because we are wired to avoid rejection and uncomfortable social situations, and because technology has given us hundreds of alternatives to sitting in the mess of connecting with people.

You can only solve it in your own life - by being courageous and spending more of your time in the physical world than in the digital one, willing to gro through the shitty feelings that come with being a human trying to meet other humans.

You cannot solve it for other people. There’s no sexy solution here. Meetup.com or whatever dating app or tech platform or not for profit will not fix it, because it takes individuals choosing the hard path and that will never happen en masse.

I see this as quite a problem in the US. The default place a lonely person has to go is usually a church - where you can expect a modicum, possibly even a seeming profusion, of welcome. This is their hook. They provide automatic acceptance - of sorts. This is also how the right wing fascist regime convinced people to let Trump take over the country - propaganda through the churches.

The only other options people hear about are 'join a club.' Interesting clubs aren't that easy to find. Hanging out at the local pub has obvious downsides, though I guess it sorta works in some countries.

We need more ways for people to casually meet others that aren't trying to manipulate you or program you with religious doctrine...

I was going to post this somewhere else, but I think this story fits.

An old guy approached me and said "put the music on my phone mann".

Alright.

My response: "Search on YouTube"

He keeps insisting on ME doing it for him.

3 steps

First his data was off. For presumably a while he's had his data off ( it's metro PCs so it's prepaid anyway) and I guess he was relying on WiFi.

Ok.

One click to fix that in the Android tile menu.

His Bluetooth was off too.

Turn that on. Turn on his headphones. Luckily it was already paired.

Finally I had to open YouTube and find music for him.

3 or 4 steps.

Now he's happily listening to music.

But beyond that, he got to introduce himself to me, and I guess the next time he accidentally turns off his data he can ask for help again.

I also like to help people.

Old people are awesome when it comes to this. They'll just ask someone to help them out, that's how you build community.

Don't know how to change your oil ? Cool Billy's a car guy he can help you out. Having trouble with your water pressure, maybe Sarah's a plumber and she can help.

Of course if something serious you're still going to be expected to pay these people, but if it's something quick they'll help you free of charge. Maybe you'll bake them a cake for their kids birthday.

I recall when I was young a neighbor basically gave my mom a car. It was an absolute piece of crap, and out of the goodness of his heart he would come and fix it every now and then.

I didn't realize it as a kid, but if you're passionate about cars and you get the emotional satisfaction of both helping a neighbor and seeing how long you can keep that old car running, that's its own reward.

How many of you would love for a non technical neighbor to say their computer is slow. I recall someone on HN even offering to send out a free laptop to someone in need.

Traditionally communities would have a blacksmith or a baker. That's what that person did and they had a status tied to it.

In modern economic systems what exactly we do is so abstracted away from anything meaningful we lack this connection.

On a very fundamental level people need to feel needed.

TLDR: Help others.