Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 1001 posts

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#81

Post by soulofmischief »

ge96 wrote: post #46

Somewhat a tangent response I have a fear of crowds and bums. Not where I'm paralyzed/medicated but one thing I'm trying to do is go downtown and do street photography. I wonder how do I say no to a stranger asking me for money. Or fear of getting robbed. It's not like my camera gear is that expensive but yeah. This would push me to get out there more as I've lived in the same place for 10 yrs and I haven't really ex…

Hear me out. Its not just social awkwardness. You're experiencing class boundaries and do not seem to have the right mentality to bridge the gap.

First, you call homeless people bums, which sets the stage for how you see and treat them.

I'm an excellent engineer, but I was abused and impoverished as a child, homeless as a teenager. During my 20s, I started a few companies but my savings have been continually depleted taking care of family members. I don't have a sports car or a big bank account, or nice cameras. When I see a stranger or homeless person, I smile and wave. I keep cash on me so that I always have some to give out. I buy people lunch and sit on the curb eating with them and attempting to understand them. I learn the names of my local homeless folk and ingratiate myself in the community. I've moved to a few cities so I've had the opportunity to do this a few times.

I don't do this because I lack social anxiety; I sometimes have extreme agoraphobia, to the point that I have to hype myself up for hours just to go to the grocery store, and I have to wear noise-cancelling headphones to reduce the amount of stimulation. I have PTSD. I'm an extreme introvert. A hermit at times.

But what saves me is the philosophical understanding that I have a duty to the social contract. That empathy and direct aid are nonnegotiable parts of being human. I've been homeless and I know what it's like to be truly hopeless and live a life of uncertainty, fear and hunger.

You need to bridge that gap. Class-induced anxiety is real and I acknowledge that it's probably difficult, but it's not an excuse. You sound like you're in a position to change someone's life. Taking those steps might change your own life.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#83

Post by bombcar »

publicdebates wrote: post #31
mlmonkey wrote: post #26

In the past, whenever I felt lonely and hopeless, I jumped into helping others: volunteering, helping an old neighbor garden, help someone move, etc. Helping people gave me a short-term purpose, which eventually let me ride out the low phase of life. YMMV, of course.

I have noticed that doing the sign leads to some good conversations in which I've helped someone in a small way, and that gave me a nice little dopamine boost. It's also led to about half a dozen genuine friendships over the past few months. I wonder if that's the answer, a sort of meta-solution: organizing this thing I'm doing into something that other people in the same situation can do, as a way of meeting people…

One key is to keep doing it for awhile - the first day with your sign, you were someone on the road.

The eighth time someone sees you? You're the guy with the sign.

Routine and familiarity is important, and it's very easy to fall into situations where we don't see anyone in our routine so we can't become familiar.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#84

Post by kylehotchkiss »

pixelpoet wrote: post #42
kylehotchkiss wrote: post #34

build another software platform /s This community is not going to be the one to solve that problem, sorry.

I actually wanted to suggest government funded online dating, so we aren't beholden to godawful Tinder and its clones (OkCupid was great for me until it got bought out and turned into Tinder).

I have a slightly different angle on that - Government mandated open algorithms, exposure of sort factors (are you in the back of the line in the swipe queue), and monthly disclosure of male/female ratios. Yeah, it'll effectively crush their business models and then they actually need to start solving the problems they've created (extreme superficiality, not background checking users, not addressing bots, not acknowledging that US has an implicit class system)

I'm trying to figure out if I have enough energy to try to pitch this to my representatives office, but I don't know if 30-40% adults never marrying or falling birth rates would be arguments that democratic politician would care to act upon.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#85

Post by codegeek »

I dont know the solution but few things that are root cause:

- Internet and Social Media

- Neighborhoods no longer are walkable especially suburbs at least in America. Kids are not encouraged to go bike to their friends place anymore because of traffic risks.

- High Trust societies have degraded into "lets keep ot myself, I can't trust anyone these days". Decades ago, you could just walk into a neighbor's home and say hello. Now, you need an appointment just to talk to a neighbor or are too worried what they will think of you.

- No real friendships after school/colleges. This is a huge deal once you are out on your own in the real world. Work relationships are meh at best and with remote work nowadays, it has become even worse.

- Even if you join a club or activity, they are too "planned" and "robotic". For example, my kids take a dance class and they said they don't like it. I realized why. There is no break. They don't even get to spend like 30 mins with other kids socializing etc. There is a fixed schedule. You go, you dance, you leave.

But this is the world today. So I don't know how to fix it.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#86

Post by rootusrootus »

ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

I think what makes this good advice especially difficult is that it cannot be one-sided. When everyone is letting doom-scrolling replace their social interaction, then one person won't easily solve their own problem by going out to socialize. We need a broader solution, probably a cultural shift away from using technology as a crutch to avoid other people. Maybe the current younger generations will evolve a balance.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#87

Post by Yoric »

peterspath wrote: post #74

Go to church. Data from various studies, including those from academic institutions and public health organisations, supports the idea that regular church attendance helps reduce loneliness by fostering social connections, support networks, and a sense of community. 1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3551208/ 2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing/20... 3. https://hrbopenresearch.org/ar…

For what it's worth, I tried that a few years ago. It worked for a while. Then I realized that my church relationships were paper thin and that I'd be forgotten the day I stopped coming and/or I started showing that I didn't really believe in what was preached.

Got better connections through improv acting and role-playing game.

YMMV

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#88

Post by zahlman »

AlecSchueler wrote: post #39

If you have young boys in your life then teach them that it's ok to feel and express their emotions, and as they get older that their sexual self need not be frightening and that sex can exist outside of narratives of domination.

This requires them to have spaces where they can express themselves sexually without the fear that male sexuality will be judged as inherently violent or oppressive.

I've lost count of the times I've seen women praised while men were castigated, in the same space, for expressing any kind of honest sexual preference.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#89

Post by tre_md_x »

I doubt we can solve this for other people. Each person must solve it for themselves, but for most people the solution will be joining a church and attending weekly. From there, get involved with a ministry, that will lead to appreciation dinners, which will lead to getting invited to the non-religous stuff the people are involved with.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/01/31/are-relig...

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#90

Post by Retric »

peterspath wrote: post #74

Go to church. Data from various studies, including those from academic institutions and public health organisations, supports the idea that regular church attendance helps reduce loneliness by fostering social connections, support networks, and a sense of community. 1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3551208/ 2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing/20... 3. https://hrbopenresearch.org/ar…

That’s possibly useful on an individual level, but not a solution. If existing institutions didn’t solve loneliness yet they aren’t going to without changing something.

Promoting church attendance might help, but so would any number of group activities the issue is why that stuff is in decline not that stuff not working.

Post reply on HN