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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#181

Post by danenania »

nunez wrote: post #173
maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

It definitely can be a chore. I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish). Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that).…

Oh man, I relate so hard on the sports conversations.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#182

Post by shermantanktop »

I’m that guy who gets all the introverts together.

Over the past decade I’ve built two different communities like this, both of which meet weekly. They’ve become pretty important social outlets for all the regulars.

Unfortunately, they are both at my workplace. Which means I am tied to my employer not just professionally, but socially. This makes the prospect of changing jobs much more painful and disruptive.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#183

Post by brightball »

alexpotato wrote: post #10

Back in 2019, got to go to Hong Kong for a couple months for work and got to bring my family. I was about to turn 40 and realized that the place we were staying had a rock wall. In a somewhat "mid life crisis" spur of the moment decision, I decided to go buy shoes, a belt and a chalk bag (I did a lot of indoor rock climbing in college). We get there and the rock wall is a. closed and b. only for kids. Get back to the…

I think people often underestimate how, for dad's in particular, there's a massive need for this.

Prior to Covid, I'd started a Wednesday "Dad's Night" where we just got together from 9-10 in my backyard to hang out and have a beer. Eventually we'd move to random local pubs and often it would go to 11pm. It grew with consistency as people would invite other folks. Had one of the assistant basketball coaches from Clemson show up one time. Some of the guys who home brewed would bring something.

The key was a time, after the kids are in bed on a night in the middle of the week when people didn't have other plans.

Covid killed it, but we eventually just became a "grab lunch" text group.

I think Country Clubs and golf used to be the "default" outlet for a lot of people, but as those prices have increased there's a gap to fill.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#184

Post by NoImmatureAdHom »

hypeatei wrote: post #111
NoImmatureAdHom wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The president is a person and can make whatever proclamations he wants. Sometimes people will even do what he says! But the way the system works is: - orange man makes dumb obviously unconstitutional proclamation about flag burning - most likely nobody does anything about it, but if someone does there is a law suit - the courts are like 'lol no' - back to status quo ante

So you'd be fine with say, Kamala, running on a campaign of crushing dissent because the courts will say "lol no"? Is that what I'm reading? I certainly don't think any camp would be okay with that, let alone MAGAs (and for obvious reasons) It's a common trope of centrists and republicans to say that it's okay for Trump to explore the outer limits of legal theory and executive power, but at the same time freak out at…

> So you'd be fine with say, Kamala, running on a campaign of crushing dissent because the courts will say "lol no"? Is that what I'm reading?

No, I wouldn't be fine with it.

Do you imagine this is what Trump is doing? Or that Democrats don't do the same? Democrats ran a long and successful campaign to crush anti-woke dissent, for instance. Broke lots of laws (and still do!) in the process. Questioning woke orthodoxy could get you blackballed or fired in government, and they wielded power to make sure the same was true in many non-gov institutions. They were even on the path to first amendment restrictions to protect this crusade. Even compelled speech in Biden's last Title IX!

Anywho, to steelman I think you would need to explicitly make the leap from "flag burning" to "running a campaign of crushing dissent", because flag burning doesn't seem like even part of a campaign against crushing dissent. It seems like empty pandering to stupider supporters.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#185

Post by lisbbb »

You wouldn't need the long blog post or any other efforts if you didn't work remotely (remote work is poison). Having kids is a personal choice, but so many of you are failing to understand why family is so important that maybe you should revisit that choice, too. What are so afraid of? Was your home life as a kid that painful and awful? Even so, you can do a better job of it!

Re: I rebooted my social life

#186

Post by rhco »

mvdtnz wrote: post #179
iamnothere wrote: post #110

As someone who used to have a highly active social life and now finds IRL socializing to be mostly a dull chore, I always find it confusing to see so many people commenting to the contrary. My partner is slightly more social than me and gets out slightly more than I do, but generally we are homebodies and we like it that way. Other people (at least in this country) are generally emotionally messy, unwilling to tolera…

> Other people (at least in this country) are generally emotionally messy, unwilling to tolerate people with radically different views/values, and either intellectually lacking or overly predictable in their interests. Does every person need to be unpredicatable and intellectually stimulating in order to spend time with them? If a friend who lives in Rotorua is interested in mountain biking (how predictable, how shal…

It's always fun seeing other Kiwis on HN, but this is the first time I've seen my hometown mentioned!

I do agree with your point too: perhaps emotional stimulation is also important? That can be a lot less sharp, less well-defined, but just as enriching.

It sounds like GP has very high standards for their friends, which is not the point IMO. I think we should have friends to broaden our horizons and expose us to new things. Intelligence is only one part of that.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#187

Post by rconti »

littlecranky67 wrote: post #31

Working remotely taught me a similar lesson as the author. The most important part that I think people get wrong in general is that online friends, or your good friends from uni or your childhood youth that you only see in person once or twice a year, can't replace an active local friends group - or community as he calls it. Cutting the daily interactions with other humans by no longer going to an office every day ma…

Yeah, I've been WFH since the pandemic and my team is remote anyway, so even going to the office doesn't help (much).

I'm exploring in-office jobs for 2026.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#188

Post by tekno45 »

skeeter2020 wrote: post #158
alexpotato wrote: post #10

Back in 2019, got to go to Hong Kong for a couple months for work and got to bring my family. I was about to turn 40 and realized that the place we were staying had a rock wall. In a somewhat "mid life crisis" spur of the moment decision, I decided to go buy shoes, a belt and a chalk bag (I did a lot of indoor rock climbing in college). We get there and the rock wall is a. closed and b. only for kids. Get back to the…

I have no interest in starting a club, but what I do (and you can too) is open your activity to others, (a) for easy access, and (b) with no strings. Typically all this means is reaching out to a small group to say "hey I'm planning to do ; want to come?". Encourage them to pass on your invite, don't take it personally if nobody comes (or even responds) and when they do bond over you shared love of . Maybe this grows…

this sounds like a club.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#189

Post by rapidfl »

mmooss wrote: post #154
izend wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have had this discussion with my wife, men need activities more than women to bond. My wife can make friends just by randomly running into other women at events or my daughter's activities.

[flagged]

It is kinda crazy someone can be so triggered by something so simple as men starting/joining a club.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#190

Post by ctln »

blackhaj7 wrote: post #130
ctln wrote: post #12

Congrats OP, sounds super excited for his new social life. I live overseas and I’m very lonely. I’ve been told to join a group or club related to my interests so I can meet new people and make friends, but I can’t. It doesn’t feel natural to me to go for friend-hunting. And I’m very tired of meaningless, superficial connections and conversations I’ve had with most of the people from my surroundings. I feel my only fr…

I feel the same with my friends from school but the reason we feel like that is that school forced us to be together and a deep friendship was forged as a result. In adulthood, that forcing function doesn't exist so you have to make the effort. So regardless of whether or not it "feels natural" to go "friend-hunting" (it doesn't to me either), if you don't do it, you will be without friends. It's also worth framing i…

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