11–20 of 67 posts
I always wanted to tell him that recognizing that you're an asshole and not breaking the behavior was worse than someone who's an asshole and doesn't know it.
There are a lot of people who do great work who are complete assholes in person. They didn't get to be great at what they do by being polite or tolerant of crappy work. If they think that you are mediocre or are doing low-quality work they won't hesitate to let you know this. At first, this left me humiliated and angry. Other people lost their motivation and quit. Now I actually respect not having every criticism sug…
I don't regard that type of behavior as a strength at all. There are also lots of people who do great work that are not complete assholes in person. They have the same intolerance for crappy work and same ability to give feedback as assholes, but are able to do it in a way that doesn't leave the other party feeling humiliated and angry. It's not hard to be direct and explicit about what you want without being an assh…
A good friend of mine thinks that their advisor is an asshole because if they aren't there on the weekend running their experiment their advisor will come in and do it. Now I agree that this is borderline jerk behavior / micromanagement, but what do you do if you hire someone that doesn't work to your standards? Leave the machines idle?
That reminds me of the worst job I ever had.
I went into the interview really, really wanting the position (from the outside, they looked like they were doing some amazing things).
I got there, was underwhelmed by the person I talked to, and despite my misgivings, took the job exactly because I wanted it to be something it was not.
Huge mistake.
Nice piece, great sentiment, except the very dangerous: "Nine times out of ten, the first impression someone gives you is exactly who they are." Not true! Had a partner embezzle money from my company who seemed like a really nice guy. Most people can be charismatic and polite for even a year at a time before their true colors come out. To get a real idea about someone, you need to get to know their character. The mor…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't regard that type of behavior as a strength at all. There are also lots of people who do great work that are not complete assholes in person. They have the same intolerance for crappy work and same ability to give feedback as assholes, but are able to do it in a way that doesn't leave the other party feeling humiliated and angry. It's not hard to be direct and explicit about what you want without being an assh…
Okay maybe we mean different things - when I talk to people who complain that a boss or coworker is treating them like an asshole, when I ask for more details I find that by "asshole behavior" they just mean that they are being direct and explicit in their criticism. Hell, I've spoken with people who think that any critical comment is asshole behavior. I don't see how it's possible to be direct and explicit in critic…
My point above was that being able to give constructive criticism is a strength, but giving people feedback that makes them feel "angry and humiliated" is not. There are lots of people that give feedback and do it in a constructive way without being an asshole, and it's not that hard to do.
Your second post above seems to be more about people who can't take criticism regardless of how it's given and your friend's boss, the micro-manager.
I certainly agree that you can't always be direct and constructive without offending some people. Some people are just not ready to to hear what they need to hear, and in some cases the criticism might be unjustified.
In either case, you're better off giving your feedback in a way that doesn't belittle the other person. The other person may not agree with what you are telling them, but at least you haven't added insult to injury by humiliating them in the process.
I too worked for an asshole, but not in the freelance capacity but as an employee. The worst part was he would recognize that he was an asshole and apologize all the time, only to go back to being an asshole soon after. I always wanted to tell him that recognizing that you're an asshole and not breaking the behavior was worse than someone who's an asshole and doesn't know it.
But, if you get in a conversation with me, I will take control. I tend to talk over people to get my point across (although I don't care whether you agree with me or not, not in an attempt to convince) and I tend to talk to much.
Lately, the past 3 months, I have walked away from many conversations thinking, "Damn, I didn't let them say anything. What an asshole."
Working on changing it - guess I just get caught up in the discussion.
The one question that's not really answered there is, what if you can't afford not to work for said asshole? In these recession times, sometimes you may really not have a choice. "I just really need the money" is a valid statement in some circumstances. The other things he mentions (like the bullet-proof contract, money in advance, and established deliverables) are a good way to protect yourself if you MUST work for…
In these recession times, or in any other times, it can be difficult to tell the difference between really not having a choice, and seeming to not have a choice because of the internalization of the same platitudes one hears repeated incessantly. Needing the money is a valid concern, but as I am reminded of almost constantly by those around me, don't confuse a legitimate need for the money with the social pressure of…
Live it, though, and you may change your mind. For instance, when that "lifestyle" you speak of means giving your child a decent upbringing in a reasonable neighborhood -- I'll work for an asshole to protect that, sorry.
Competent + Asshole = I'll put up with them
Incompetent + Nice = I'll hold their hand
Incompetent + Asshole = You've got to be kidding
At our first one-on-one meeting, he casually mentioned that he was 'not a micro-manager'. This immediately caught my attention - when a manager says this, they invariably turn out to be micro-managers.
Since then, I have had to report my status 3 times a week, and he writes detailed emails laying out how I should do my job. As far as I can tell, he is like this with all of his reports.
Needless to say, I'm seriously considering quitting. I recently got my green card, so freelance work is now an option....