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You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

neilthanedar.com

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Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#131

Post by bdbdbdb »

unstyledcontent wrote: post #14

I'm burned out because I have to raise two young children, work a full time job in a demanding career, and then in the hour or two a day of time that isn't accounted for in those two tasks, I need to maintain a household and try to care for myself. I feel a strong sense of purpose caring for my family, but don't have enough time to meet life's demands. Maybe other people relate more to this post because they more mon…

I'm like this but four kids. The kids are my life, but in another way the two hours when they're in bed are my life. I try and get household shit done in tiny increments throughout the day - cleaning the kitchen in the morning before I start work, doing laundry at lunch, cleaning away dinner stuff while they brush teeth, so that I squeeze a little more self time in the evenings. In those hours, I have side projects I work on. And I do WAY too many. People would look at my life and say I need to focus on one thing to finish it, but I've learned (for me at least) that happiness comes from having lots of options when you have that free time. I forgive myself for not making major progress on things, not being productive outside of work, and I try to just enjoy my time whether it's writing fiction, building board games, hobby coding, messing with unity, reading, building models, casual gaming etc. lately I've been doing needle felting because I picked up a cheap Halloween decoration of a needle felt cute vampire. Halloween is long over but I'm not beating myself up about it. All my hobbies follow a pattern of things that I can pick up where I left off with minimum fuss. I don't do anything that takes an age to set up or has a minimum time commitment.

I would say hang in there, and once in a while give yourself permission to prioritise the "care for myself" over the "maintain a household".

Do things in little increments and don't torture yourself about not being full of energy all the time

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#132

Post by dheera »

lm28469 wrote: post #88
isodev wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> because I have to raise two young children It’s a missed opportunity for posts like the link to also mention and reinforce the importance of family planning. Many go into setting up a family because of peer pressure without assessing that it’s a very long term commitment. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can, of course. Maybe raising awareness that having kids is no longer an imperative for humans living in the 2…

If you wait until everything is planned, ready and accounted for you'll never have kids.

> you'll never have kids

Which is also OK. It's financially smart to realize you don't have the resources and not have kids.

If {some subset of the government, rich people, people who control the economy} want more people to have kids, which is something I keep hearing from that class of people: They need to collectively figure out how to put more money into the pockets of people. Higher salaries, drastic tax cuts, cheaper housing, more people will be financially ready and more kids will happen as a result. Also, work hours need to be standardized at 4 hours/day per person OR costs of living need to be designed that 1 parental income is enough.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#133

Post by techgnosis »

Jare wrote: post #92
llmslave2 wrote: post #46

Maybe this hits for millennials and older but as a gen-z I think it's safe to say we're burnt out because everything we want is simply too expensive, our degrees are useless, dating and relationships have become damaged because of the apps, and we are inheriting a world that is broken and continues to shatter. The older generations have everything and still feel burnt out and unhappy? Cool. Cool cool cool. That will…

> we're burnt out because everything we want is simply too expensive Perhaps the problem starts with the fact that we continue to steer society in the direction where everything we want costs money.

I think this is the only comment that captures the message of the article. I feel for everyone who is priced out of life, those are very serious problems, but it wasn't what the article is talking about.

If I was seeing lots of comments say something like "The cost of life is preventing me from pursuing my dreams" then the article would be relevant to that.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#134

Post by jfengel »

nradov wrote: post #63
llmslave2 wrote: post #46

Maybe this hits for millennials and older but as a gen-z I think it's safe to say we're burnt out because everything we want is simply too expensive, our degrees are useless, dating and relationships have become damaged because of the apps, and we are inheriting a world that is broken and continues to shatter. The older generations have everything and still feel burnt out and unhappy? Cool. Cool cool cool. That will…

By any objective metric the world is less broken than ever before. But people who want to be defeatist and cynical can always find a plausible sounding reason to justify their negativity regardless of the facts. I'm part of an older generation and not burnt out or existentially starving or whatever. And more importantly I'm not actually starving or dying of plague or being sent off to die for my king or any of the ot…

As an American, I am surrounded by people who are so convinced that their country is awful that they want to basically abolish vast swathes of the government. Their elected representatives say extremely negative things about my beliefs, literally every single day, including veiled and not-so-veiled threats.

The world may be physically comfortable but I do not feel safe. And that's because they do not feel safe from me. I don't want to sound defeatist but there is no objective way to describe it without sounding cynical.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#135

Post by SkyeCA »

parpfish wrote: post #50

One thing that I always try to bring up in these discussions is that “burnout” and “overwork” are two different problems, and I think this author would agree with me. If your problem could be fixed with a raise or a nice vacation, that’s overwork. 996 schedules, crunch time, and a high cost of living make overwork. Burnout is when you stat asking yourself “what’s the point of doing any of this?” and your life is over…

> Burnout is when you stat asking yourself “what’s the point of doing any of this?” and your life is overwhelmed with apathy and anhedonia

I know I'm burnt out (increasingly severe burnout at that) and I ask myself that question daily. The truth is there is no point and I can't motivate myself anymore. I don't see any solution to the problem and I expect I will lose my job sooner or later at which point I'm not sure what I'll do.

I've largely come to the conclusion that what I need to be mentally healthy and what society needs from me are fundamentally incompatible things.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#136

Post by lovich »

isodev wrote: post #126
SoftTalker wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even if you reach that point, you're likely now at the age where fertility problems become a real issue. If you want to have kids do it when you're in your early 20s.

This is factually false :) and if you’re really worried, there are many options available to you to preserve what you will need or consider adoption - there are so many humans being born without a family after all.

I agree with you on a factual basis, but you understand that a large amount of people have a deep emotional instinct to not be ok with those options, right?

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#137

Post by enraged_camel »

amarant wrote: post #76
unstyledcontent wrote: post #14

I'm burned out because I have to raise two young children, work a full time job in a demanding career, and then in the hour or two a day of time that isn't accounted for in those two tasks, I need to maintain a household and try to care for myself. I feel a strong sense of purpose caring for my family, but don't have enough time to meet life's demands. Maybe other people relate more to this post because they more mon…

I have more money and no kids, I still relate to your comment. I burned out basically because I'm stupid and decided to work a demanding full time job while also remodeling my house by myself. Like all renovation jobs, it ended up being bigger than planned (I actually expected it to grow from us discovering something that had to be done during the renovation, I just never expected the thing we found to be as large as…

I don’t know the circumstances but this sounds very wrong. The moment you find a problem with the foundation, you call professionals. DIY has its value but your story is well beyond DIY.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#138

Post by toxik »

isodev wrote: post #126
SoftTalker wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even if you reach that point, you're likely now at the age where fertility problems become a real issue. If you want to have kids do it when you're in your early 20s.

This is factually false :) and if you’re really worried, there are many options available to you to preserve what you will need or consider adoption - there are so many humans being born without a family after all.

Most people I know realize they should have had kids sooner once they have them. Adoption is also not that easy, there are plenty of cases where adoption causes kidnapping.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#139

Post by toxik »

dheera wrote: post #132
lm28469 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you wait until everything is planned, ready and accounted for you'll never have kids.

> you'll never have kids Which is also OK. It's financially smart to realize you don't have the resources and not have kids. If {some subset of the government, rich people, people who control the economy} want more people to have kids, which is something I keep hearing from that class of people: They need to collectively figure out how to put more money into the pockets of people. Higher salaries, drastic tax cuts, c…

I think those people realize this, but it's a bit like global warming. They like their lifestyles.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#140

Post by asdff »

rozap wrote: post #72
nradov wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

By any objective metric the world is less broken than ever before. But people who want to be defeatist and cynical can always find a plausible sounding reason to justify their negativity regardless of the facts. I'm part of an older generation and not burnt out or existentially starving or whatever. And more importantly I'm not actually starving or dying of plague or being sent off to die for my king or any of the ot…

They want to be able to afford a house. Historically, in the US at least, for lower and middle class people that has been within reach. Now that's not the case. If I was in my late 20s and was lighting thousands per month on fire in rent, it'd be pretty darn alienating. Sure, if you zoom out far enough, the standard of living for zoomers is pretty good, there's not a mass casualty event when the potato crop fails. Bu…

They don't want just a house though. They want a house in a "cool" area. Look at median home prices in rust belt cities. Mortgages around $2k a month or so. Very doable for a lot of people but you never hear a drum beat about this. You never hear about people moving to these cities unless they have family there already to remind them that, hey, this is in fact a great deal.
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