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You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

neilthanedar.com

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Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#111

Post by nephihaha »

WXLCKNO wrote: post #22
belval wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's interesting that you get downvoted for what is, from a historical perspective, a very down-to-earth reasonable take. I don't have kids but I am at the age where more and more of my friends are having kids, there definitely does seem to be something there. They are exhausted but most definitely have a renewed spark of sorts. Unfortunately this is difficult to A/B test. So I'd avoid having kids to fix burn out.

I mean marriage is a global concept but it feels like the US makes a huge deal about it. Like two people can't be together without being married. But mostly it's a low effort low with quality comment that adds zero value and implicitly passes judgment on those who are not married and don't have kids. As if married people with kids are the happiest people in the world lol.

Kids with two parents are far less likely to get into crime and have mental health problems, so there is that.

(Before anyone gets onto me I lived in a single parent household for years.)

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#112

Post by SoftTalker »

bayarearefugee wrote: post #61
Aurornis wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know a lot of people who DoorDash, have groceries delivered, have a house cleaner, and call a contractor for every small thing that needs to be done. They’re buying time. It’s never quite as much time as expected, though. Each is a marginal addition of free time that brings its own complications (like my friend who did an alarming amount of DoorDash and is now investing a lot of time into dropping weight and managi…

Glad you brought up your friend in the 2nd bit there as it seems to have become relatively common for some people to make food delivery services a very regular part of their lifestyle without really paying attention to the staggering amount of saturated fat they are ingesting even from the majority of "healthy" options available on these services (nevermind the even worse fast food options) Of course this has always…

Saturated fat is not the demon we've been lead to believe for the past 30-40 years. Sugar is. And there's a lot of sugar in prepared food too.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#114

Post by GMoromisato »

mkoubaa wrote: post #108
GMoromisato wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the same way about kids. For me, I think, it changed my perspective. Lots of things at work that would have bothered or frustrated me no longer do so. Having kids is a great way to develop a Zen attitude about some things. Though, to be fair, you gain a whole new set of much scarier things to worry about.

If you don't have a zen attitude around a three year old you're going to have a bad time

LOL! Totally!

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#115

Post by skeeter2020 »

Aurornis wrote: post #36
StilesCrisis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sadly, having more money doesn’t buy time. At least, not until you have enough money that you can hire assistants, but that’s pretty extreme.

I know a lot of people who DoorDash, have groceries delivered, have a house cleaner, and call a contractor for every small thing that needs to be done. They’re buying time. It’s never quite as much time as expected, though. Each is a marginal addition of free time that brings its own complications (like my friend who did an alarming amount of DoorDash and is now investing a lot of time into dropping weight and managi…

It's not about buying time though, it's about what you do with the bought time. I see a lot of people using these expensive services and then wasting the extra time - or worse, filling time while they wait for the completion.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#116

Post by SoftTalker »

lm28469 wrote: post #88
isodev wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> because I have to raise two young children It’s a missed opportunity for posts like the link to also mention and reinforce the importance of family planning. Many go into setting up a family because of peer pressure without assessing that it’s a very long term commitment. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can, of course. Maybe raising awareness that having kids is no longer an imperative for humans living in the 2…

If you wait until everything is planned, ready and accounted for you'll never have kids.

Even if you reach that point, you're likely now at the age where fertility problems become a real issue.

If you want to have kids do it when you're in your early 20s.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#117

Post by em-bee »

isodev wrote: post #62
unstyledcontent wrote: post #14

I'm burned out because I have to raise two young children, work a full time job in a demanding career, and then in the hour or two a day of time that isn't accounted for in those two tasks, I need to maintain a household and try to care for myself. I feel a strong sense of purpose caring for my family, but don't have enough time to meet life's demands. Maybe other people relate more to this post because they more mon…

> because I have to raise two young children It’s a missed opportunity for posts like the link to also mention and reinforce the importance of family planning. Many go into setting up a family because of peer pressure without assessing that it’s a very long term commitment. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can, of course. Maybe raising awareness that having kids is no longer an imperative for humans living in the 2…

having kids is no longer an imperative for humans living in the 21st century

on the contrary. global population growth will plateau in a few decades, and negative population growth is already a problem in many countries, like all western countries, south korea, and also china.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#118

Post by dvfjsdhgfv »

unstyledcontent wrote: post #14

I'm burned out because I have to raise two young children, work a full time job in a demanding career, and then in the hour or two a day of time that isn't accounted for in those two tasks, I need to maintain a household and try to care for myself. I feel a strong sense of purpose caring for my family, but don't have enough time to meet life's demands. Maybe other people relate more to this post because they more mon…

I feel you. The answer is that you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Also, it's good for kids to be spending time with other good people, too. Continuing in the way you describe is bad for you and you know it so the only thing left now is to figure out how to change it. I hope everything goes well with you.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#119

Post by scruple »

nabnob wrote: post #89
kevinh wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

15 years ago this exact comment would have been written swapping out millennials for gen x and gen z for millennials.

Everything is noticeably more expensive than it was 15 years ago, though.

Sure, but I also make ~6x as much as I did 15 years ago. Despite that I still think everything is too fucking expensive.

Re: You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

#120

Post by thanedar »

QGQBGdeZREunxLe wrote: post #29
aster0id wrote: post #17

I agree with the premise but take issue with the measure for "success": do you feel excited to get up and work on Monday? We're humans and no matter what you're pursuing, you'll hit a point where your brain will adjust to the new reality and things will start feeling mundane. This is called the hedonic treadmill. To me, what has helped is developing hobbies and relationships outside of work. We're social animals and…

I was hooked by the first few paragraphs but the immediate switch to focus on work was disappointing. The happiest people I know treat work like the necessary evil to be endured to fulfill all other facets of life.

What were you looking to read about in that spot?

Work shouldn't be treated as a "necessary evil".

Reconciling the work vs. meaning split is hugely important.

Even if it means making less money short term, aligning work and purpose through work like politics and writing can make us way happier long-term.

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