AI generated?
After my dad died, we found the love letters
271–280 of 470 posts
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#272From reading both posts, there's a few things that come to my mind: - It seems this is how the author is processing her father's passing, and it's not really up to us to make moral calls on the content of the posts. They are thoughts with gaps of missing context against a real life of highs and lows which is not readily condensed into a blog post. - I'm peering into the life of a private person, that feels like a vio…
> I'm peering into the life of a private person, that feels like a violation. Even though they have passed, the people around them are very much alive.
Absolutely. A person's right to privacy doesn't die with them.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#273This is a sad story but I don’t like that the onus is entirely on the father to have ended things and lived his best life. He also was under pressure. He also had a family and was trying to juggle things the best way he knew how. It is tragic to live this way but I cannot consider him a villain of any sort.
There's a follow up linked a few times in the thread, and unfortunately he looks to be pretty villanous
None of us here ever knew the man, and the only reports we have on his life are from a pseudo anon author who admits that they also did not know him very well. That any of us, including the author, are justified in calling him "villanous" is a big stretch in my opinion. It feels more likely that the author, and perhaps you, simply disagree with the decisions he made. Which is fine, but a far cry from villainy.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#274Earlier quoted context omitted.
[flagged]
People seem to disagree with this comment but it makes sense. Lots of people get no genuine sexually or emotional attention sure to severe disabilities, cultural incompatibility, weight issues, or simply because they don't know how to socialize properly. It's odd to say they can't live a full life, just because they didn't kiss a girl in the 9th grade. If relationships are so key to the human experience, the incels w…
Human relationships are a key part of most lives. Incels might have a point, but that does not imply that they have a solution to their own woes.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#275This is a sad story but I don’t like that the onus is entirely on the father to have ended things and lived his best life. He also was under pressure. He also had a family and was trying to juggle things the best way he knew how. It is tragic to live this way but I cannot consider him a villain of any sort.
It's mind-boggling to me how many commenters are here to defend the honor of a serial adulterer who broke the hearts of the people most related to and dependent upon him. Truly can't understand where this sympathy comes from...
For all we know that entire account is fiction. None of us know the man or the author yet we feel content to pass judgement on his life from a few paragraphs of from a narrator who has made it clear they also didn't know him well.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#276Ouch. This hits incredibly hard. I’ve been this dad who sits frozen at the TV every evening. I had the affairs with the emotionally unavailable men, and became one myself. Before you judge the man in this story too harshly — and there’s certainly much to judge, especially given the follow-up post — consider the environment he and I grew up in. Being gay as a young teenager in the early 1990s could feel literally like…
Once i realized he was gay and chinese it just read how i expected it would go for most in that situation and time period. I am not gay, traditional, chinese or quite as old (probably i am 15 years younger than the gay dad) but i hope i would pull it off as well as he appears to in that situation. He raised only minorly messed up kids, managed to find a little of what his heart felt was love. Biggest fail was not finding a lesbian in the same situation to pull this off together and avoid the lieing and resentment and pain caused to the other partner from a marriage only known to be a sham to one party.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#277Interesting anecdote, but for the life of me I can't understand what relevance this blogpost could have here on HackerNews
Because she mentions Obsidian. Though I don't hold that against her.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#278Earlier quoted context omitted.
This is the sober take. People will try to explain away all kinds of behaviors that violate trust a la "they'll never find out..."
When a lot of dudes get murdered for it (historically, and currently in many places), there is also a pragmatic aspect. I agree on the immoral part, but I’ve seen so much immoral behavior over the years this seems (relatively) mellow. If you’re in the medical field, you see some wild stuff.
I know what you're saying, but pragmatic doesn't apply here.
We're talking about secretly dating a teenager while married with children. This is more than serving "societally taboo" urges on a transactional basis.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#279I barely comment but this is time it is worthwhile - please read the article first, it is worth it and the comments might spoil it.
Read the follow-up too, there are some unexpected twists. https://www.jenn.site/my-dead-deadbeat-gay-dad/
Looks like they changed the link.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#280"He wasted his life", sounds so dramatic, but what does it really mean. It's just an emotion like regret triggered by made up standards. If things were different and in the end they would have said "he lived his best life", what difference would it make except a few different words, differently arranged. Not sure what my point is, but perhaps being too much into Buddhism and similar things made me lose touch with mor…
The waste is that he, and I too, could have lived a happier life had we had the courage and opportunity to come out earlier.
There is no way that any of us, including the man and the author, know that he would have been happier had he made different decisions.