[dead]
After my dad died, we found the love letters
181–190 of 470 posts
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#182From reading both posts, there's a few things that come to my mind: - It seems this is how the author is processing her father's passing, and it's not really up to us to make moral calls on the content of the posts. They are thoughts with gaps of missing context against a real life of highs and lows which is not readily condensed into a blog post. - I'm peering into the life of a private person, that feels like a vio…
[flagged]
Not at all- human connection and love are important and hard for most people to live without. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that. The problem with incels is they feel entitled to that, and use it as a basis to fuel hate towards others for denying them what they feel entitled to- and there is no sense of that sentiment in the comment you replied to.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#183Ouch. This hits incredibly hard. I’ve been this dad who sits frozen at the TV every evening. I had the affairs with the emotionally unavailable men, and became one myself. Before you judge the man in this story too harshly — and there’s certainly much to judge, especially given the follow-up post — consider the environment he and I grew up in. Being gay as a young teenager in the early 1990s could feel literally like…
I have heard this play out too many times. Most recently here, a college junior's wife revealed four months after marriage that she is actually a lesbian (she didn't share it – he caught her in their bedroom with a colleague of hers when he returned home early from the office), and he would be free to do what he wants; she should be too. Hit him hard, but he said they should go for an annulment— out of question; a di…
There is another, third perspective one can have on this.
One can both find good reasons and explanations for his behaviour, and at the same time his choices can be judged harshly.
I feel we have to heed the complexity of life and the situations people end in.
Each of us has different tendencies. Some are by nature straight shooters. Others again, overthink a situation and lack the cognitive or emotional intelligence to always arrive at the perfect answer for a situation we are in.
Both things can be true:
Him making a choice that seems inevitable for the situation he is in.
Also can be true, him wasting the life of another person (his wife) and him not seeing it this way. This is a bad deed from her perspective and can remain so.
But consider, for example, that he probably resented her and she was proxy for society’s pressure to confirm. Or, he thought that he gave her what she wanted (kids) and provided for them. In his eyes he paid his dues and got nothing out of it.
He might have realised that if he doesn’t get those small escapes (the affairs), he might not make it. You won’t know the make up of his reward system and his emotional make up.
When she wanted the divorce, his coping behaviours became habit. And he might not have been able to see a way out, or not have had the strength to change his reward seeking habits.
We also don’t exactly hear how he died in detail.
Im am not excusing him, but I am trying to be devil’s advocate to your absolutist stance, to provide a counterweight.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#184[flagged]
This comment is sickening. If this is coming from a personal hardship, I hope you find peace soon.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#185Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah kind of wish I hadn’t read that one. But the whole truth is always best to know. Somehow makes his story so much more sad. Edit: Oh my goodness didn’t realize this was the same Dad from: https://jenn.site/my-dad-could-still-be-alive-but-hes-not/
Ok... This is writing about a real person. I certainly hope you don't see yourself as so one dimensional, why should others be?
What?
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#186Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wasn't in any way judging the father harshly when I read it. I also read between the lines that there was additionally "traditional Asian culture" as another factor. I only questioned why he would have brought kids into the "union", but I can easily imagine that it was his wife's desire. A very sad story in general. I lost my mom a few years ago and I suspect I'll go to my grave still very sad about the could-have-…
> only questioned why he would have brought kids into the "union" For a lot of people, building a family is a duty you embrace with your household partner. It's why you exist in the first place. It's why you get married and share a home with somebody at all. Perhaps, if you're lucky, your children are a fruit of love, or perhaps, if you're horny, they're a fruit of passion. But for a lot for such people, having and r…
I don’t exist to produce children, tbh a very narrow view of what life can be.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#187I read the linked post as well: https://jenn.site/my-dad-could-still-be-alive-but-hes-not/
> i learn the story afterwards. dad went upstairs for a lie-down after dinner, but was awoken by severe chest pain. he vomits, which is a thing he never does, and asks mom to call 911 immediately. she does and provides all the symptoms, the dispatcher tells her that they've sent for an ambulance, and they should get ready to go.
> so they get ready, and then they wait. they wait for 15 long minutes, my dad in an extreme amount of pain, and nothing happens.
> mom calls 911 again and asks if they have an ETA. the dispatcher responds that don't have visibility on that. she asks if she should just drive my dad to the hospital and is advised that the best thing to do is to keep waiting.
> so they wait another 15 long minutes, and still no one shows up. the house is in a car-oriented suburb, 5 minutes away from a major highway, a ten minute drive from the hospital.
> mom decides that they should not keep waiting. she and my brother help dad into the car, and they drive him to the hospital.
> they arrive at the emergency room entrance. dad gets out of the car, takes two steps, lurches forwards, and dies on the front steps of the hospital.
What the fuck, that's horrible.
My dad's house is in a rural area of the country. He sadly passed away a week ago, I found him in his bed while coming to visit, he didn't pick up the phone that day, despite us having talked just the day before. When I found him, I called the emergency number and they still sent an ambulance, it was at the house in like 15-20 minutes, they confirmed the situation and did some paperwork and helped me with the next steps.
I can't imagine how horrible the circumstances in the article must feel and I'm not even sure what "justice" would look in a case like that, how the fuck can an emergency line dispatcher not have "visibility" on an emergency call, that's their one fucking job!
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#188Earlier quoted context omitted.
> only questioned why he would have brought kids into the "union" For a lot of people, building a family is a duty you embrace with your household partner. It's why you exist in the first place. It's why you get married and share a home with somebody at all. Perhaps, if you're lucky, your children are a fruit of love, or perhaps, if you're horny, they're a fruit of passion. But for a lot for such people, having and r…
I don’t exist to produce children, tbh a very narrow view of what life can be.
[deleted]
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#189Oh, my heart. This is difficult and lovely and so complex. I want to wrap them all up in my own love.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#190The deliberate choice of committing such a basic mistake of lower-casing the beginning of all sentences is an insult. I am afraid of reading it, becoming desensitized, and starting to do the same.
It’s not a mistake, it’s a choice. Quite a common one among younger people who grew up using Slack at work and iMessage everywhere else.