Very well written. Many here in the comments seeking to find sense in this matter or pass judgment; a wise person would simply nod in acknowledgement, understanding that things simply are the way they are.
After my dad died, we found the love letters
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Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#162Earlier quoted context omitted.
The thing is, that This is speculation (with all respect). I, on the other hand, do not lack courage to do hard things. But I have learned that it is a strawman - it does not make you happier to quite you job, leave your spouse, go for your passion in a startup, etc. Luckily I fucked up everything in that fever dream early enough that it did not have substantiel impact on my life.
tell us your story
So many people are telling this story. Ryan Holiday, Mark Manson, Michael Easter, Marcus Aurelius.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#163I don't feel like this entry is harsh on authors father. I think it is nuanced and forgiving. It seems most commenters disagree with me on that.
Regardless, it is a well written article with an emotionally strong impact. Thank you for sharing.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#164Earlier quoted context omitted.
Read the follow-up too, there are some unexpected twists. https://www.jenn.site/my-dead-deadbeat-gay-dad/
Wow, driven to a lifetime of harmful decisions by an extremely regressive society. Would he have settled down and been faithful if he could have started off right in his teens, open and truthful and honest? Lies become a habit and I’ve known others who couldn’t break themselves of the cheating/lying habit and lost whole friend groups for it.
Is there anything he could have done that you would not excuse by the society in which he was born?
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#165Earlier quoted context omitted.
They make scanning and reading text easier since they make jumping to the end/start of sentences easier. When you read your eyes are constantly jumping ahead and even backwards. The capital letters help you land quickly back at significant positions in the text since they are associated with boundaries in logical clauses.
If that were the point, why does English capitalize proper nouns? That would seem to complicate finding the start of a sentence. Besides, you have periods, exclamation points, and question marks at the ends of sentences anyway. In German even ordinary nouns are capitalized, making it even less easy to find the capital at the start of a sentence.
1. Dots are tiny and are hard to see. A capital letter is a more visible indicator of the start of the sentence.
2. English barely uses any punctuation (vs. Russian) therefore making adherence to readability rules even more important. Paragraphs are also nicer to read vs. trying to read a wall of text.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#166Religion and tradition, the two things that elevated humanity, yet also been the source of much of its suffering.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#167I'm a dad too, and I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My son is under five, and it feels like I'm still at the very beginning of his story. I've known I was gay since high school, probably even earlier, but I kept choosing whatever seemed like the easiest path. It felt easier to stay closeted. Easier to date a woman. Easier to move in together, propose, get married, and even have a child than to face my truth. I lo…
Do you plan to find a new relationship after you break up with your wife? Is the desire to come out because of that or because you just want to stop lying to them and be honest about who you are? I will just say that if you have a good relationship with your wife and child, perhaps it’s worth it keeping things to yourself until your son is out of the house. If you leave them, you might find yourself in terrible relationships for a long time, or you may strike luck. But as someone who never managed to have a good relationship and family I wish I had a wife who actually wants sex and children and if I had that I would never leave even if I had to sacrifice a lot. But I do want that, maybe you never really did!?
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#168Earlier quoted context omitted.
Communication conventions aren't "just" a preference in the sense that they actually lower the friction inherent in any communication. It may be pretty hard to understand other people even if you use the same conventions to write down your thoughts. It becomes harder when the conventions aren't kept: the extra processing necessary has non-zero cost. Imagine Debian maintainers releasing a slightly incompatible TLS lib…
Right, but if this piece was clearly optimising for something other than efficiency of transmitted information, and that's why it was good.
We don't know what the author tried to optimize. Maybe it was for the number of times the Shift key was pressed. Maybe it was for the author's convenience.
What we know is that the author did NOT optimize for: - efficiency of transmitted information - readers' convenience - ease of reading
And this is the exact reason why it was so bad.
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#169There's a follow-up posted already too. https://www.jenn.site/my-dead-deadbeat-gay-dad/
Yeah kind of wish I hadn’t read that one. But the whole truth is always best to know. Somehow makes his story so much more sad. Edit: Oh my goodness didn’t realize this was the same Dad from: https://jenn.site/my-dad-could-still-be-alive-but-hes-not/
Ok...
This is writing about a real person. I certainly hope you don't see yourself as so one dimensional, why should others be?
Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters
#170Earlier quoted context omitted.
Is the capitalization of the quote your own doing or was it displayed like it for you? There isn't a single uppercase letter when I open the article, it's impossible to me to read it because it feel like a single sentence and I can't breathe
It doesn't improve readability for sure but for me it comes across way worse as "I don't have time for this, deal with it" because all of the people I know doing that are self-important executives. English is a second language for me and I feel really bad when I impose a grammar mistake or a badly put together sentence to my readers! So for me pushing that on purpose is borderline insulting to the reader ie. suffer s…
> for me it comes across way worse as "I don't have time for this, deal with it" because all of the people I know doing that are self-important executives.
Same for me. See Sam Altman, for example.
> suffer so I don't have to press the shift key, this extra effort is below me.
These days you actually have to fight against spell checkers to avoid having capitals after a period.