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After my dad died, we found the love letters

jenn.site

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Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#111
post #75

Ouch. This hits incredibly hard. I’ve been this dad who sits frozen at the TV every evening. I had the affairs with the emotionally unavailable men, and became one myself. Before you judge the man in this story too harshly — and there’s certainly much to judge, especially given the follow-up post — consider the environment he and I grew up in. Being gay as a young teenager in the early 1990s could feel literally like…

I have heard this play out too many times. Most recently here, a college junior's wife revealed four months after marriage that she is actually a lesbian (she didn't share it – he caught her in their bedroom with a colleague of hers when he returned home early from the office), and he would be free to do what he wants; she should be too. Hit him hard, but he said they should go for an annulment— out of question; a di…

I think I am totally naive on this subject,

why was the divorce so hard for him? In that society, they just don't let you get divorced unless both parties agree to it? And with the evidence he had of her being a lesbian, does that mean nothing? What is even the point of divorce in that society?

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#112

Interesting anecdote, but for the life of me I can't understand what relevance this blogpost could have here on HackerNews

Don't be a phony. Be true to yourself. Don't let your life be governed by the mores of others.

This article isn't about sexuality. It's about honesty and the impact that artifice can have, not only on your own life, but also on the lives of others.

Quite applicable to the HN crowd.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#113
post #11

There's a follow-up posted already too. https://www.jenn.site/my-dead-deadbeat-gay-dad/

Yeah kind of wish I hadn’t read that one. But the whole truth is always best to know. Somehow makes his story so much more sad. Edit: Oh my goodness didn’t realize this was the same Dad from: https://jenn.site/my-dad-could-still-be-alive-but-hes-not/

[flagged]

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#116
post #38

From reading both posts, there's a few things that come to my mind: - It seems this is how the author is processing her father's passing, and it's not really up to us to make moral calls on the content of the posts. They are thoughts with gaps of missing context against a real life of highs and lows which is not readily condensed into a blog post. - I'm peering into the life of a private person, that feels like a vio…

For those reasons, I won't even look for such letters when my parents die. I will take a photo or two. There are of course reasons to dig in the past, but that should be done cautiously, not for sensation, and even then under the condition that we only know a little and may not understand. The past is past. Nothing you learn can change it, but it can seriously fuck up your future.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#118
post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel that this piece was trying to convey some quite profound emotions, and quite successfully so, but the insistence on non-capitalization was just getting in the way of this main effort.

I don't know, personally I enjoyed the general aesthetic the choice created.

No you didn't.
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