Here’s another report that speaks with the researchers directly
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-childhood-rel...
And the paper:
Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
11–20 of 109 posts
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#12Potentially worrisome news for the pandemic-isolation cohort, with their outlier experience.
Potentially beneficial as well, if they had less toxicity and/or had stronger family bonds than otherwise.
There's so many variable, I think we can only say they could be different, who knows if t will be for better or worse, or neither.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#13Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#14In general your kids' friends are much more important to them in the long run than you are. You are always there, but their friends represent the society they will be sinking or swimming in. They turn away from you and your tastes and opinions for a reason: their survival depends on understanding the tastes and opinions of their peers. You will stick with them (usually). Their peers are free to abandon them. Peer rel…
To elaborate a bit: your parenting is much more likely to affect how your kids parent their kids. And, for better or for worse, mostly what they'll be doing is avoiding the mistakes you made. Your mom was distant and judgmental? You'll be super attentive and supportive, assuming your kids need what you wanted. And quite likely you'll overshoot the mark and set up a pitfall your kids will avoid when it's their turn. And they will then overshoot the mark. The cycle of parenting. Hakuna Matata.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#15My first reaction was to refute this, but I think I've convinced myself this may be correct, assuming attachment styles are the right frame. I've been painted with the Avoidant brush, and logically it makes sense, broken home, removed from mother, moved regularly changing schools once a year for 5 years. However, my siblings are the opposite. We come from the same house, they didn't change schools as often as I did,…
Also, beware of taking generalities (such as the claims of this study) and applying that directly that to your specific life, or anyone else's.
I mean, I like your comment and am glad you got thinking about this, but it's just a line of reasoning that I see a lot and I wish I saw less, so that's why I bring it up (:
"True for most people" does not imply "true for me" or "true for that person over there".
And the reverse is not valid either, of course - "true for me" does not imply "true for most people."
There's always some tension between people's individual anecdotes and experiences (which are fascinating, and I like), and the claims of broader studies like this one.
Sometimes I try to remind myself of this with the "on average, people have 2.3 children" factoid. Obviously, nobody actually has 2.3 children; the general truth does not necessarily apply to specific individuals; potentially not even a single one.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#16Didn't really have friends as a kid, probably explains why I prefer the cold glow of a computer.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#17My first reaction was to refute this, but I think I've convinced myself this may be correct, assuming attachment styles are the right frame. I've been painted with the Avoidant brush, and logically it makes sense, broken home, removed from mother, moved regularly changing schools once a year for 5 years. However, my siblings are the opposite. We come from the same house, they didn't change schools as often as I did,…
Similar story here. Six schools by seventh grade. I think it does mess with you a bit.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#18Didn't really have friends as a kid, probably explains why I prefer the cold glow of a computer.
Know what you mean
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#19On the participants composition:
> 705 participants and their families over 3 decades, from the time participants were infants until they were approximately 30 years old (Mage = 28.6, SD = 1.2; 78.7% White, non-Hispanic, 53.6% female, 46.4% male).
It looks like an a fairly culturally homogeneous pannel, it would be interesting to also have a breakdown on religion (especially due to the communal effects) and income.
Re: Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most
#20I've observed children who have had tremendous close friends in childhood but were unable to recreate that in adulthood. Sometimes it's easier to make friends when you're 5.