Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Hacking Kids - Part 1

eytanlevit.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 24 posts

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#11

Post by tomjen3 »

circlefavshape wrote: post #5

To anyone who is not a parent reading this, please note that not everyone's experience of parenthood is blissful. The first few years of fatherhood were, for me, the unhappiest of my life. Don't get me wrong - I've always loved my kids, but the physical and emotional demands they put on you, and the relentlessness of those demands, are impossible to understand from the outside. My youngest was almost two before she s…

That you. I am constantly annoyed that most parents aren't honest about how much babies suck.

Even after they have admitted that they basically killed their own children by beating them to death they will still claim that they are good parents and absolutely love their children.

Please don't get kids and treat them as an experiment. Don't get children, at all, unless you have spend significant time with kids and are completely sure about that you want children and have been so for years (not as in eventually, but as in right now).

And don't get them to "save the marriage". That you can even consider that as an idea shows that you are unfit to be a parent.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#12

Post by codex »

plehoux wrote: post #2

I'm a new father (4 weeks). From the pregnancy, to the delivery, to the first smile, to the every morning warmly feeling of having created life with my love one, it is all about love and sincerity. We are already thinking about a second one...

I hate to say this, but the first month or so is a honeymoon period when the baby is unusually quiet, sleepy, and peaceful. Maximum sleep deprivation probably kicks in at around three months. Also, any smiles you see at this age are involuntary and not social. Mark my words: it will get much harder.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#13

Post by eytanlevit »

leke wrote: post #10

“it’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do” Isn't that line from Satan, by Orbital?

I heard it first when I was 16, listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers song called Deep Kick

Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjj6ZnTAeUA Lyrics: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Deep-Kick-lyrics-Red-...

I remember... 10 years ago in Hollywood We did some good and we did some real bad stuff but the Butthole Surfers said It's better to regret something you did Than something you didn't do

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#14

Post by eytanlevit »

fjaved wrote: post #9

Great post! As a father of a 2.7 yo and a 1.3 yo, I agree with your points and would add the following (among others): - Having kids makes you a better communicator generally. It's easy to get frustrated with kids and adults when they don't do what you say. Having kids makes you realize that you need to look at yourself first. Repetition matters. Consistency matters. Being the best example of what you want them to be…

Great points, totally agree.

Regarding the meditation, it's really interesting - could you tell a bit more about how it has helped you, do you do it every day, how long, what exact meditation technique and where did you learn it?

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#15

Post by guylhem »

[WARNING - sorry if this is considered trollish - this is my own analysis, where I try to consider the general issue without giving in to emotions]

I am concerned that the positive outlook is given and shared ( and commented here on HN) by persons who describe themselves as parents.

Besides the potential biais due to social pressure (not liking kids is socially throwned upon, which might favor expressing a positive opinion and keeping quiet about a negative opinion) I wonder how much of this is about sunk costs?

I mean, when you have a child, it's a sunk cost - you can't get rid of it (putting a child to adoption is also socially throwned upon) or decide it would have been better to do without one, so you try and get the best of it.

[Even considering this, you will have to take care of it for 18 years (legally) and then add financial costs for the child college/university etc.]

Considering most couple stick with a limited number of kids, the marginal return seems to decrease.

But given the social pressure to a) like children and b) do not put children into adoption, maybe we are not just looking at marginal returns, but at what the real decision should be when sunk costs are removed.

The fact, noted by other posters, that kid makes you efficient is at least doubtful. Maybe you will be more efficient for the time spent at work, but if you spend much less time that your "improved" efficiency factor, as most parents seem to like spending time with kids, you are overall less efficient.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#16

Post by purephase »

codex wrote: post #12
plehoux wrote: post #2

I'm a new father (4 weeks). From the pregnancy, to the delivery, to the first smile, to the every morning warmly feeling of having created life with my love one, it is all about love and sincerity. We are already thinking about a second one...

I hate to say this, but the first month or so is a honeymoon period when the baby is unusually quiet, sleepy, and peaceful. Maximum sleep deprivation probably kicks in at around three months. Also, any smiles you see at this age are involuntary and not social. Mark my words: it will get much harder.

We're just at the one-month mark today and your three-month mark describes our current life to a tee.

She is a wonderful, and I love her to pieces, but goddamn this is a trying experience.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#17

Post by sv123 »

codex wrote: post #12
plehoux wrote: post #2

I'm a new father (4 weeks). From the pregnancy, to the delivery, to the first smile, to the every morning warmly feeling of having created life with my love one, it is all about love and sincerity. We are already thinking about a second one...

I hate to say this, but the first month or so is a honeymoon period when the baby is unusually quiet, sleepy, and peaceful. Maximum sleep deprivation probably kicks in at around three months. Also, any smiles you see at this age are involuntary and not social. Mark my words: it will get much harder.

Just about to hit 3 months, I thought it was supposed to get better by now!

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#18

Post by cafard »

tomjen3 wrote: post #11
circlefavshape wrote: post #5

To anyone who is not a parent reading this, please note that not everyone's experience of parenthood is blissful. The first few years of fatherhood were, for me, the unhappiest of my life. Don't get me wrong - I've always loved my kids, but the physical and emotional demands they put on you, and the relentlessness of those demands, are impossible to understand from the outside. My youngest was almost two before she s…

That you. I am constantly annoyed that most parents aren't honest about how much babies suck. Even after they have admitted that they basically killed their own children by beating them to death they will still claim that they are good parents and absolutely love their children. Please don't get kids and treat them as an experiment. Don't get children, at all, unless you have spend significant time with kids and are…

Babies are exhausting--except as regards nourishment I wouldn't use the expression "suck".

'And don't get them to "save the marriage". That you can even consider that as an idea shows that you are unfit to be a parent.'

There I agree with you--it seems a splendid way to start with 2 unhappy people and end up with more.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#19

Post by codex »

sv123 wrote: post #17
codex wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hate to say this, but the first month or so is a honeymoon period when the baby is unusually quiet, sleepy, and peaceful. Maximum sleep deprivation probably kicks in at around three months. Also, any smiles you see at this age are involuntary and not social. Mark my words: it will get much harder.

Just about to hit 3 months, I thought it was supposed to get better by now!

From personal experience, it gets good at around six months, and even better just before a year. Judging by the number of siblings I see spaced 18 months apart, I think others agree.

However, there is another difficult period around 2-3 where they rebel against your authority, and it is a constant battle to reassert control. On one hand, they have more motivation, more time, more energy, and fewer distractions. On the other hand, it's usually 2 vs. 1, and you control the food and entertainment.

Re: Hacking Kids - Part 1

#20

Post by codex »

guylhem wrote: post #15

[WARNING - sorry if this is considered trollish - this is my own analysis, where I try to consider the general issue without giving in to emotions] I am concerned that the positive outlook is given and shared ( and commented here on HN) by persons who describe themselves as parents. Besides the potential biais due to social pressure (not liking kids is socially throwned upon, which might favor expressing a positive o…

In my experience, kids do make you 2x-3x more efficient, at least. You can only do so much real work in a day and you're forced to move that work into a smaller time interval. However, your mileage may vary.

I think the positive outlook given my parents simply stems from the fact that they wouldn't make a different decision if they had to do it all over again, even if it was a giant pain in the ass. It's less of an unconcious aversion to admitting mistakes and more that, after all is said and done, they would rather have their child (and the memories of them) than to spend 18 more years being childless. Childlessness is fun but it does lose novelty, and some things are worth it even though they can be hard.

Post reply on HN