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Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

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Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#131

Post by BeFlatXIII »

atmavatar wrote: post #56
Gigachad wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The fact is that younger generations are increasingly more single and finding it harder and harder to date. If dating apps are primarily to blame could be up for debate but something about the modern world is clearly not working.

A big part is that it is now socially unacceptable to ask someone out at what were some of the places most likely to produce couples in the past. For example, it used to be that something like 30-40% of relationships started in the workplace.

How soon until your (true) point is used to spin RTO propaganda?

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#132

Post by Der_Einzige »

imtringued wrote: post #97
kesor wrote: post #69

So ... dating apps just need to remove text messages and replace them with voice messages. Problem solved. Thanks!

Isn't it weird that they are called online dating apps and you can't date people online on them? You know, doing things like video calls. It's like Omegle and Discord are the actual apps where you get to date, whereas the dating apps are where you beg for attention.

Discord is where you go to be groomed into believing that you want to date anthropomorphic animals or worse.

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#133

Post by relaxing »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #50
tbossanova wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You only need a few pictures to fill a profile. Taking a few snaps when doing interesting stuff likely spread over months or years isn’t “documenting every second of our lives”.

If I take a picture I’m not in it. If someone else takes a picture they don’t share it with me. How would I get pictures for a profile?

“Hey send me that one.”

or

“Hey let’s get a selfie.” (Do young people not say this anymore?)

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#134

Post by throwaway2037 »

CuriouslyC wrote: post #100
johnfn wrote: post #38

Controversial take, but have we considered that possibly dating apps dont suck, and that this perception is driven by a vocal minority of the people who have the worst experience on them? (A sad fact is that dating will just suck for some % of the population. Is it possible that if there were no apps the same % would be saying how IRL dating sucks?) I know many people in stable LTRs or married who met through dating…

Dating apps 100% suck. I'm a good looking guy and I put the effort into getting great pictures and optimizing my profile to the point I was able to get dates 5+ nights a week and date 2-3 new women a week, and while it was validating, the quality of dates was significantly worse than what I used to get from just approaching women in places like bookstores, after yoga classes, etc when that wasn't as culturally abnorm…

    > I was able to get dates 5+ nights a week and date 2-3 new women a week
For the record, you are probably well into the top 20% of attractive men on the apps. You should know that your experience is very much unlike the average man. The average normie on dating apps (5/10 in looks) gets, quite literally, zero matches, or matches only from scammers/bots/OnlyFans. There are numerous long-form YouTube videos on the topic with first hand experience.

    > the quality of dates was significantly worse than what I used to get from just approaching women in places like
This is an interesting comment. Can you share one or two specific things that come to mind? I can offer one from my personal experience: When you approach someone in public (get their number, etc.), then later meet them for lunch/drinks/dinner, their enthusiasm and effort is much higher than people I meet on the apps.

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#135

Post by throwaway2037 »

bjackman wrote: post #95
Seattle3503 wrote: post #75

People come to dating apps for all sorts of reasons, and with different levels of investment. Pretty much every woman I know who has used a dating app has said she has gone on a dating app to alleviate boredom. That's probably not fun for the person on the other end if they are actually trying to find a partner. If someone shows up to a speed dating event, that indicates minimum level of investment in the interaction…

I think this is an inevitable side effect of the business model. I signed up for these apps to find love, that's the "strategic" reason I use them. But 99 of the time, the actual reason in the moment that I opened the app is for a dopamine hit. This is a double-edged sword because if the apps hadn't been addictive I just wouldn't have used them that much and I would have ended up with less dates. On the other hand, i…

    > Looking for dates on there gave me a similar feeling as looking for a house on property sites. Yes, I really want a house and there are houses here. But I am still hating this experience of looking at houses.
I like this final paragraph. You touch upon an important emotional issue. Most people want to believe in the fairy tale stuff of chance meetings, true love, etc. The whole idea of a "marketplace" to find a partner is so off-putting. Yes, it is practical, but it is emotionally unsatisfying.

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#136

Post by throwaway2037 »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #126
roenxi wrote: post #33

The author didn't consider a more basic selection bias that the 3 contradictory facts are driven by different groups of people. That makes it rather easy to reconcile 3 apparently contradictory views. You can't jump-start a new market for a dating app with in-person speed daters because they are the people who refuse to use an app! And it is worth being a little suspicious of the people who 'hate' dating apps. There…

Being bad at apps means you are either ugly, or your pictures are bad. There’s plenty of examples on dating apps of people making fake bios with extremely handsome men described as being evil (I.e child abuseres) and who still had lines of women who wanted to date him. He had excellent photos and an obvious 6 pack. His pictures looked professional and showed his (large) social group where he was obviously the leader.…

    > Being bad at apps means you are either ugly, or your pictures are bad.
For the record, I assume you are speaking about men whom are seeking women. The reverse is certainly not true.

    > He had ... an obvious 6 pack.
This is very specific. Did he have shirtless photographs? I assume yes.

It fascinates me that if you listen to what women say, 95% will say they dislike dating profiles the most when the man has shirtless photographs. Yet, 95% of women will also say that guys with a six pack are hot. It reminds me of the old adage: "Watch what women do, not what they say."

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#137

Post by throwaway2037 »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #129
Aaargh20318 wrote: post #7

From the article: > (…) pictures also give lots of information about important non-superficial things, like your personality, values, social class, and lifestyle. This is the one thing that puzzles me most about dating apps: where do all these pictures come from? People seem to have pictures of them doing all kinds of activities. When I’m out with friends doing whatever, no one is taking pictures. Even if they did, i…

You’re weird. The vast majority of instagram using women take so many photos that the joke is that “the camera eats first”. I’m actively exhausted when I go out with my partner because I know that I’m going to take lots of photos. I’d love to be in a world where this is so rare that people can’t even explain where the photos go: but unfortunately I ask the opposite question, which is “where do these people get the ti…

    > I’m actively exhausted when I go out with my partner because I know that I’m going to take lots of photos.
Did you ever try to push back? Example: Tell her very directly that you want to focus on the experience of a great dinner, not her taking photos for social media. Another idea: Ask her to leave her mobile phone at home when you go to dinner.

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#138

Post by relaxing »

Bissness wrote: post #57
aleph_minus_one wrote: post #36

Concerning "dating apps suck": OkCupid was decent in its heyday. But even at that time, there were very few users of it near the city where I lived or even in the country where I lived. Thus, it simply was nevertheless not useful to me. But no other dating site uses a similar algorithm; perhaps most people care about other things in dating than what OkCupid is optimized to give them.

That OkCupid was allowed to be sold to the Match Group was yet another massive antitrust failure Founders selling out should also be viewed more critically than it currently is.

Truly one of the more despicable examples of enshitification.

OkCupid was amazing for those who made full use of its “here’s who I am and here’s who I want” question matching system. Removing those features and turning it into another swiping app was a terrible anticompetitive move.

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#139

Post by throwaway2037 »

tern wrote: post #26

A major factor in my world: the coolest people don't use dating apps because they find the experience awful and they have no problem meeting people in real life The spicier version: dating apps select for personality disorders, and as such, being on a dating app in the first place is a negative signal For what it's worth, I think this has always been true of the web in general (forums, chat, social media, comments se…

I get this post is a bit of a hot take, but you make a good point. If you listen to "alpha women" (the most attractive), a common humblebrag that they use is: "Oh, I'm not even on the (dating) apps. I've got plenty of hot guys approaching me public."

Re: Dating: A mysterious constellation of facts

#140

Post by relaxing »

ianpenney wrote: post #76

Article leans heavily towards American social norms which are so far from global norms because it treats the U.S. model of dating (apps, atomized urban life, and market logic) as universal, ignoring that in much of the world relationships still form through family, community, or social context rather than algorithmic matchmaking. It’s a very “Silicon Valley is the world” kind of framing. For example a lot of communit…

You want one guy writing a blog to be an expert on dating worldwide?

I don’t like rampant US-centrism either, but at some point just write your own article on dating in Canada eh?

I’m guessing the author wasn’t around for the glory days of OKCupid. A distant memory at this point.

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