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Empathy for Dummies

quarter--mile.com

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Re: Empathy for Dummies

#41

Post by some-guy »

drakonka wrote: post #10

I always thought of empathy as being able to really relate, emotionally, to what another person is feeling/going through. As a kid I'd sometimes see people crying together on TV when something bad happens to one of them and wonder if that really happens in real life. Even though it wasn't something that came naturally to me in the past, I still tried to be a decent person and adjust my behavior where relevant, and tr…

Your story is very similar to mine, but it was unlocked even further when I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult at 38 years old, and began stimulant medication. I feel goosebumps from music, I’m much more likely to cry (in a good way I think)

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#42

Post by apwell23 »

> But if you are like most people, you will tend to be too uncharitable. Consciously self-correcting to the charitable side can help.

well you will be taken for a ride in modern workplaces if you go the opposite direction. you need to weed out snakes.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#43

Post by palmotea »

apwell23 wrote: post #42

> But if you are like most people, you will tend to be too uncharitable. Consciously self-correcting to the charitable side can help. well you will be taken for a ride in modern workplaces if you go the opposite direction. you need to weed out snakes.

>> But if you are like most people, you will tend to be too uncharitable. Consciously self-correcting to the charitable side can help.

> well you will be taken for a ride in modern workplaces if you go the opposite direction. you need to weed out snakes.

You do, but usually it's better to be more on the charitable side by default and only be uncharitable when someone has behaved in a way that proves that to be necessary.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#44

Post by cpfohl »

jfengel wrote: post #23
yapyap wrote: post #5

If people (multiple)are straight up telling you to be more empathetic it probably means you are being a dick.

That's true. Though "be more empathetic" is not the most helpful way to note that. He's right: it's not a very empathetic way to put it. You can unpack it: "You have made this person unhappy, and you didn't notice. Here are things that you may not have noticed about this person: X, Y, and Z. They see this encounter like thus-and-such. Now that you know that, you can interact with them in a way that makes both of you…

Yeah, there was definitely a communication gaffe on the part of the person trying to address OP's behavior. Some people (OP included it appears) need very direct communication that would be rude if directed at _other_ people.

Unfortunately the indirection ("be more empathetic") is the safe/polite/un-hurtful bet for a huge percentage of the population. The majority of people hear that and pick up on the implied request to be more sensitive.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#45

Post by cindyllm »

user2722 wrote: post #9
Fricken wrote: post #7

Empathy is not sympathy. If my sports team beats your sports team, I can empathize with your feelings of loss but I don't sympathize. We win and you lose, lol. Conversely, as someone who has never experienced a terminal disease, I'll admit that I cannot really empathize with someone who is experiencing such a thing. I've read books and watched movies and heard testimonials, and yet still I don't really know what it's…

Agree in general. But if I'm really sad my team, which played very well recently but had a disastrous game, lost, you can not be so aggravating like you could be if I had taunted you before yours team sucked (and not in a jest manner, of course). Samething happens on both cases, one deserves less sympathy for my feelings. Is this being an empath? Idk. But if we can dial the knob of fun (for us and others) up and the…

[dead]

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#46

Post by [deleted] »

ajuc wrote: post #32

> Empathy is when you try your best to build an accurate model of someone else’s world in order to better understand them. That's cognitive empathy. What most people ask you for is emotional empathy = experiencing (as opposed to modeling) the emotions of others. It's not even that important to experience actual emotions of others. Even empathetic people are often mistaken about what emotions other people feel. Somebo…

[deleted]

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#47

Post by mariusor »

chrisweekly wrote: post #26
mariusor wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

...or neurodivergent. Please try to be more empathetic!

Er, no. Respectfully, "neurodivergent" describes a characteristic, but "being a dick" (or "more empathetic") describes behavior.

Let's not split hairs now, but oftentimes disorders that are grouped together under the pop nomenclature of "neuro-divergence" are characterized by very direct speech which makes no affordances for the way the words would be interpreted by the dialogue partner. This is many times perceived by less empathetic people as "being a dick".

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#48

Post by wildpeaks »

erokar wrote: post #38

The premise of this piece and the way it's written gives me the feeling this applies to neurodivergent people on the autism spectrum, not dummies in general.

The title is just a reference to the popular collection of books "XYZ for Dummies", it became a meme in the 1990s-2000s: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Dummies

You probably even saw some of them around, they have a very distinctive yellow cover.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#49

Post by yesfitz »

Gregaros wrote: post #4

* On many occasions, I have been told to “be more empathetic.” When I ask why, I typically get this reaction: This is a ridiculous question. I am not going to answer it because it is so ridiculous. Empathy is the right thing to do! You should feel bad for that person. We’re humans, after all. These explanations never really helped. * Even after reading this, I am not sure the author really gets what is behind the req…

What is behind the request?

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#50

Post by Rendello »

Gregaros wrote: post #4

* On many occasions, I have been told to “be more empathetic.” When I ask why, I typically get this reaction: This is a ridiculous question. I am not going to answer it because it is so ridiculous. Empathy is the right thing to do! You should feel bad for that person. We’re humans, after all. These explanations never really helped. * Even after reading this, I am not sure the author really gets what is behind the req…

From FBI negotiator Chris Voss' book, Never Split the Difference:

> There is nothing more frustrating or disruptive to any negotiation than to get the feeling you are talking to someone who isn't listening. Playing dumb is a valid negotiating technique, and “I don't understand” is a legitimate response. But ignoring the other party's position only builds up frustration and makes them less likely to do what you want.

> The opposite of that is tactical empathy.

> In my negotiating course, I tell my students that empathy is “the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition.” That's an academic way of saying that empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world. Notice I didn't say anything about agreeing with the other person's values and beliefs or giving out hugs. That's sympathy. What I'm talking about is trying to understand a situation from another person's perspective.

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The respondent to the author is ironically showing why empathy is so important. By being non-empathetic and shutting down the question as "stupid", the author is bound to feel the respondent doesn't care to understand their position. If the respondent really cared about having the author understand their position, they would have first shown that they will try to understand the author's, even if they don't agree with it.

Edit; on the other hand:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45517577

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