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Empathy for Dummies

quarter--mile.com

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Re: Empathy for Dummies

#11

Post by Lerc »

Gregaros wrote: post #4

* On many occasions, I have been told to “be more empathetic.” When I ask why, I typically get this reaction: This is a ridiculous question. I am not going to answer it because it is so ridiculous. Empathy is the right thing to do! You should feel bad for that person. We’re humans, after all. These explanations never really helped. * Even after reading this, I am not sure the author really gets what is behind the req…

Those seem like particularly bad reasons. I'm not sure if they are the arguments that the author has been given or if that's what he perceived those arguments to be.

My take on it is to remember that the people you are talking to are real people with reasons for doing things. Very few people do things that they think are wrong at the time of doing them.

I would guess that the single most common cause of bad faith arguments comes from people jumping to the conclusion that the person they are dealing with is acting in bad faith.

Reflecting on it some more perhaps you can boil it down to the implications of dealing with real people.

If you don't act with empathy you can hurt people. Is it your intention to hurt people?

If it turns out your motivation is, in fact, to hurt people then the issue isn't empathy but your own motivations. Reflecting on your motivations and what you feel like you should be doing as a person is the path to take here.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#12

Post by rass_clot »

Gregaros wrote: post #4

* On many occasions, I have been told to “be more empathetic.” When I ask why, I typically get this reaction: This is a ridiculous question. I am not going to answer it because it is so ridiculous. Empathy is the right thing to do! You should feel bad for that person. We’re humans, after all. These explanations never really helped. * Even after reading this, I am not sure the author really gets what is behind the req…

That's... What the article is about, right? That these didn't help him understand the request.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#16

Post by rob74 »

yapyap wrote: post #5

If people (multiple)are straight up telling you to be more empathetic it probably means you are being a dick.

Yeah, "being a dick" is kind of the opposite of "being empathetic".

Case in point: the current US administration (https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/sin-empath...)

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#17

Post by ericyd »

Fricken wrote: post #7

Empathy is not sympathy. If my sports team beats your sports team, I can empathize with your feelings of loss but I don't sympathize. We win and you lose, lol. Conversely, as someone who has never experienced a terminal disease, I'll admit that I cannot really empathize with someone who is experiencing such a thing. I've read books and watched movies and heard testimonials, and yet still I don't really know what it's…

Wouldn't it still be possible to empathize with a terminal patient by recalling experiences of powerlessness, fear, grief, anger, etc? I thought empathy was not limited to experiences you've literally had, but could be extended to understanding the underlying emotions another person is feeling?

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#18

Post by dogleash »

"Empathy" is one of those words that's used as a proxy for a lot of related ideas, but splitting those hairs can be interpreted by some as disagreement with those ideas themselves.

I've witnessed people extol the virtues of empathy to me, while on other occasions they talk about people they dislike with venom and disdain. A level of disdain that I have never held in my heart against anyone, but they throw it around casually. And they're gonna tell me about empathy?

Sometimes you just gotta agree with people out loud and figure out what you believe in offline.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#19

Post by uberman »

rass_clot wrote: post #12
Gregaros wrote: post #4

* On many occasions, I have been told to “be more empathetic.” When I ask why, I typically get this reaction: This is a ridiculous question. I am not going to answer it because it is so ridiculous. Empathy is the right thing to do! You should feel bad for that person. We’re humans, after all. These explanations never really helped. * Even after reading this, I am not sure the author really gets what is behind the req…

That's... What the article is about, right? That these didn't help him understand the request.

I believe the point they are making is that they believe the original author still does not "get it". I'm inclined to agree.

Recognizing that when people say one lacks empathy and rejecting what one believes they might mean by that and instead reinterpreting empathy to mean something they want it to mean is fundamentally a demonstration of a lack of empathy in what was likely the original context. Even if new interpretation technically aligns with the dictionary definition.

I want to be clear that recommendations that the post make are helpful and seeing the world as best one can from some others point of view is worthwhile.

At a fundamental level though saying I see your definition of empathy and reject it for my definition which I'll be happy to try to live by, while noble, likely is directly contrary to both parity's use of the term.

Re: Empathy for Dummies

#20

Post by vintermann »

drakonka wrote: post #10

I always thought of empathy as being able to really relate, emotionally, to what another person is feeling/going through. As a kid I'd sometimes see people crying together on TV when something bad happens to one of them and wonder if that really happens in real life. Even though it wasn't something that came naturally to me in the past, I still tried to be a decent person and adjust my behavior where relevant, and tr…

Yes. I'd go so far as to say empathy has nothing to do with being nice, it's simply the ability to feel, often involuntarily, what other people feel. It's the part of you which makes you wince when you see someone stub their toe.

It's a type of feelings which can inspire you to be nice to other people, but it can also actually make you not nice to them. When people make you feel things you don't want to feel.

An example of that is "cringe" - you see someone do something embarrassing, which would at least have embarrassed you if you were in their situation, even if it doesn't embarrass them. And so you feel vicarious embarrassment, embarrassment on their behalf - and you can easily get angry at them for this.

At an extreme, we may even dehumanize people, try to stop thinking of them as the same thing as us, because involuntary empathy with them would otherwise mess us up emotionally.

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