Some people really don't like the beery noisy occasions that outings can become. And they might not ever tell you.
Certainly in a company setting, for the teams cohesiveness, you should plan a variety of outings.
Always Invite Anna
81–90 of 183 posts
Re: Always Invite Anna
#82Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's probably just ego on the one side. That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship. If I were the other person I would make sure that invitation is never extended.
I'm so glad I don't understand and thus can't play these games with people. It sounds tiring.
What part don't you understand? I'm sure you engage with other forms of social status and signaling and this one seems pretty straightforward
Re: Always Invite Anna
#83Earlier quoted context omitted.
I overheard two very outgoing co-workers once, where one asked the other if he was having his holiday party. "It was last weekend", he said. "Oh, I didn't get an invite" "That's because you never come" She looked shocked, I think she genuinely didn't know what to say. After an awkward silence she said, "but I liked to be invited" "I'll happily invite you next year if you promise to come" She smiled politely and walke…
It's probably just ego on the one side. That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship. If I were the other person I would make sure that invitation is never extended.
Who cares if they feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship? Do you decide your framework based on mental games other people might play? Decide if extending an invite that is declined will cost you something (food, space, etc.) and whether you want the person there.
Re: Always Invite Anna
#84It's a beautiful story, but honestly If Alexei really wanted to help Anna, he could've tried to ease her in their group, for example, by inviting her to a less stressful setting: a library, a friendly coffee date, etc. Anna's behaviour indicates social anxiety grown into general avoidance (speaking from my own experience), and what's described in this story is the worst possible way to help a person with this conditi…
This is such an uncharitable interpretation. They're college freshmen, not guidance counselors.
Re: Always Invite Anna
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
We're talking about different things here. In the linked article, Anna never accepts the invitation, nor does she propose alternatives. It's OK for someone to intiate contact more often than others, as long as the counterparty actually accepts the invitation every so often (or picks up the phone or chats or responds positively). That's not the case with Anna, who repeatedly says "nah" in the face of consistent kindne…
> as long as the counterparty actually accepts the invitation every so often Per the article, the collegiate counterparty did accept other invitations: We ended up hanging out quite a bit during those early months. The social ritual in the article's title was specifically about party invitations: “Why do you keep inviting Anna out when she’ll just say no?” “I know she’s always going to say no, but that’s not the poin…
If it's indeed specifically about party invites and not other things, then you're right and I misread it. I wish the author were more explicit about that beyond just a fleeting line at the beginning "We ended up hanging out quite a bit during those early months."
My read was that Anna never acted like she's actually part the group because she's only ever shown repeatedly declining invitations.
Re: Always Invite Anna
#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
> as long as the counterparty actually accepts the invitation every so often Per the article, the collegiate counterparty did accept other invitations: We ended up hanging out quite a bit during those early months. The social ritual in the article's title was specifically about party invitations: “Why do you keep inviting Anna out when she’ll just say no?” “I know she’s always going to say no, but that’s not the poin…
If it's indeed specifically about party invites and not other things, then you're right and I misread it. I wish the author were more explicit about that beyond just a fleeting line at the beginning "We ended up hanging out quite a bit during those early months." My read was that Anna never acted like she's actually part the group because she's only ever shown repeatedly declining invitations.
Another comment relevant to partying:
definitely a goody-two-shoesRe: Always Invite Anna
#87Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had the same opinion and I am surprised by the amount of feelgood responses in this thread. Anna needs to realize that the amount of people who have the time and willingness to invite someone out for _years_ while receicing no is very low. These friends need to be treasured and appreciated, and Anna needs to make an effort by saying yes sometimes, or at least expressing what she's going through. The friends are mak…
I came here to make a feelgood response and I’m shocked by the highly upvoted grumpiness! “It costs nothing to be kind.” Whenever I go anywhere or make plans to do something social, I try to invite everyone I can. You’re sending the invite already, the marginal extra keystrokes it takes to add someone is trivial. And even if you know they’re not interested, the invitation might bring them some joy, so why not? Life i…
> I’m shocked by the highly upvoted grumpiness!
Sadly, I’m not.
People can be quite cruel; especially as a mob.
You’d think that a crowd like nerds, with our famously awkward aspect, and the way so many of us were treated, would be empathetic, but it seems that the treatment has actually had the opposite effect. I suspect many of us have had “nerdy” bosses that were walking nightmares.
It didn’t happen to me, but that’s through no fault of my own. I had a lot of stuff happen to me, that forced me to become empathetic. If that hadn’t happened, I suspect I would have been a real demon.
Re: Always Invite Anna
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have no idea what you're trying to say, but FWIW I never used social networks - at least not the ones you can use to plan events (LinkedIn doesn't count).
Alice and Bob are planning a party, they might invite Anna but don't want Mallory to show up and ruin everything so they turn to Facebook and create a closed group for party planning. Anna, being privacy conscious, doesn't use fb and expects to receive an invite on Signal. But Alice and Bob decide not to invite Anna because they're Danish politicians and Anna is against Chat Control .
To further the analogy, Alice and Bob decide on potentially emailing Anna instead but Zuckerberg is such a megalomaniac that he's overriden everybody's email addresses https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4151433
("But that's on Facebook, which Anna doesn't have" - true, but apparently syncing contacts with Facebook - something FB presumably often does automatically - will wipe out email addresses of your contacts)
Re: Always Invite Anna
#89This is especially valuable for friends who struggle with depression.
They almost never feel like going out because depression sucks out all their energy. But they'll appreciate the invite and that they're not forgotten. It's harder this way for them to isolate and go deeper down the spiral.
One rule that helped me fight my depression was to accept invites no matter what. Go to the loud bar I don't like? I'm in. Cake decorating workshop with annoyingly cheerful Jennifer? Sign me up. Join Joel for his 5am workout? I'm not sleeping anyway.
You get the idea. But it can only work when others take the initiative.
Re: Always Invite Anna
#90By the time you get to my age, your list of potential Anna's will be in the high dozens. You simply cannot keep this up with all the Anna's. A lot of people genuinely don't want to hang out with you. Likely that number exceeds the "real" Anna's by an order of magnitude. If there's someone I particularly like, I'll keep inviting him. But if the person is otherwise normal (e.g. clearly has a social life), I invite 3-5…
I had the same opinion and I am surprised by the amount of feelgood responses in this thread. Anna needs to realize that the amount of people who have the time and willingness to invite someone out for _years_ while receicing no is very low. These friends need to be treasured and appreciated, and Anna needs to make an effort by saying yes sometimes, or at least expressing what she's going through. The friends are mak…
"invite someone out for _years_"
In the story,it was only first semester, so at most mid August to mid December.