Nine things I learned in ninety years • Hacker News Board

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#121

Post by wnscooke » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:02 AM UTC

a_bonobo wrote: post #104

>Once you’ve achieved that — once you are virtuously selfconstituted — you will be self-assured and have reason to be so. You will be emotionally invulnerable to being pushed around. I don't feel that's true? I am currently in a massive turmoil at work because my line-manager is breaking all ethics rules, with higher leadership caring little. Because I try to follow my values I've spoken up numerous times and all I g…

I'm not sure you've understood the idea. While your values include not breaking certain rules of ethics, your value ALSO clearly extends to being offended by others when they do it. So your value isn't purely "don't break ethical rules", but, "observe ethical rules and react when they are broken, by me and by others". I think what the author (not OP) means is that once you are virtuously selfconstituted, your decision about these and what YOU do about it is not easily swayed or pushed around. In this sense, it shouldn't matter that _others_ are breaking rules... obviously it isn't an ethical rule for them... but that you are clear that you wouldn't do the same. Thus, if your activities at work relate to pursuing goals aimed at by these broken rules, then it is _work_, and you do your work.

Another way of interpreting what you've shared is that what you are stressed about is actually _not quite the value you think you have_, otherwise you would have walked away, self-assuredly, emotionally certain in the rightness of removing yourself. But you haven't. So it isn't a set value. Obviously another value like, "I have to eat" preempts this ethical value being broken at work. I'm not saying this is wrong or not, just trying to help you navigate your stressful environment.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#122

Post by JoMe2025 » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:08 AM UTC

sarabande wrote: post #90

I enjoyed this piece, including references to the Stoics and Spinoza. It preaches serenity, goodwill, composure, etc. As someone in their 30s with children, work and a generally busy life, I wonder if anyone can recommend some pieces with more direct application - that is, in this vein, but perhaps an operational / how-to guide. Sometimes, it's hard to translate principles to action.

https://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#123

Post by wnscooke » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:14 AM UTC

EP did not say he achieved #1; about #2, "I spent much of my life in this state, and I know all about it."; "I first considered what seemed to be in my best interest, or, more often, gave no thought to the matter at all." is his take on #3; "my normal slouch" in #4; he makes no claim to have gained an eternal perspective, merely quoting others in #5; that "cloud of uncertainty" gives little confidence in #6; being 90, he had little to say about #7 sadly; the reader has to guess whether he was lucky or not in #8; and finally #9 is likewise devoid of actual personal recounting of what he has.

All in all, I find "advice" and "what I've learned" tomes by *older* people to be unhelpful. When someone has spent much other their life living contrary to the advice they are now dishing out, I question it. I prefer advice from someone currently living life, learning and adjusting and growing now... not at the end when it doesn't matter.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#124

Post by bregma » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:14 AM UTC

vladms wrote: post #114

ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

While strictly true, I wonder what does this sentence generates in the minds of the readers. I personally would prefer other formulations, because while I agree with the core, I think this idea should just reduce frustration if you don't succeed, while I am afraid it can be used as an excuse for not trying. Yes, you need luck, but if you never get out of your room/street/neighborhood/city/country, you might have less…

Serendipity favours the prepared mind.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#125

Post by goshx » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:14 AM UTC

zwnow wrote: post #12

aeve890 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The result is dismissive of other humans that dont strive to be happy or a "good person". This has to be satire.

Nah yall just have a very limited view on this. Its no biggie though, humans tend to be narrow minded.

One thing you will learn as you grow older is to recognize how ignorant and confident in our ignorance we were when we were younger.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#126

Post by bregma » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:15 AM UTC

Quekid5 wrote: post #73

summis wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Overall I agree with this comment. A determinist would take this position even further and argue that there is nothing left that we could be in control of - it is causes and effects and maybe some randomness all the way down. Even those things we think are our free choices.

That's the thing about free choice. I don't believe it fundamentally exists, but I can't help behaving as if it does.

You can always choose to believe free choice does exist. In fact it's almost mandatory to do so just to get by.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#127

Post by coldtea » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:15 AM UTC

shark1 wrote: post #59

> "...happiness to become one’s default state of mind." I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. You cannot be happy all the time, the fact of being unhappy sometimes is what drives you self-reflect and to chase meaning to your life. To feel pleasure you need to feel some pain.

>I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times.

Psychologists are what's the actual social construct myth of modern times.

>You cannot be happy all the time

That's not what "happiness as default state" implies though. It's about happiness being the disposition you opt for, as opposed to wallowing in misery and seeing fault in everything as your baseline.

"Default state" precisely conveys that it's not about "all the time". Just what you should strive to start from and return to.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#128

Post by ronbenton » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:18 AM UTC

shark1 wrote: post #59

> "...happiness to become one’s default state of mind." I have read psychologists saying that "happiness as default state" is a social construct myth of modern times. You cannot be happy all the time, the fact of being unhappy sometimes is what drives you self-reflect and to chase meaning to your life. To feel pleasure you need to feel some pain.

Default state doesn’t mean all the time though?

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#129

Post by coldtea » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:19 AM UTC

mi_lk wrote: post #98

K0balt wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would argue that perhaps you have confused happiness with joy, or I have confused happiness with a lack of sadness, or perhaps with satisfaction. While I find that joy is a fickle and fleeting thing, I feel that I am happy most of the time, satisfied that things are as they must be, or at least close enough that the state of affairs does not poorly reflect on my efforts. Sadness or grief make their appearance, but…

You didn't explain how you define joy and happiness, can you elaborate how they are different

Happiness is being content. You can be a generally happy person.

Joy is more exuberant - but more fleeting. You can't be a person constantly experiencing joy (except maybe as a bipolar during their manic phase)

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#130

Post by darkwater » Tue, Sep 23, 2025, 10:28 AM UTC

flanked-evergl wrote: post #82

darkwater wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> get married before you have children, then you are quite likely to have a good life. Based on what, exactly? I think you have cause and effect inverted.

Nope. Statistically, having children before you get married is much more likely to result in worse outcomes. Maybe cause and effect is inverted, but maybe the better option is to not run a social experiment in fatherless children as we have been doing for the past couple of decades with absolutely no research to suggest that it can result in positive outcomes and loads of data to show that it's almost definitely can'…

I don't think you need to run any experiment. Being married or not is just signing a paper. What matters is if the couple live together and in harmony. You can do so without being married and having children, and it's everyday more common.

That's why I'm saying you have cause and effect in the wrong order: children issues are tied to one or both parents not caring about them, and a symptom of that was having children before marriage, when marriage was "the only way" to a family. Nowadays things are different, and you can totally be a functional family without signing any contract on paper.