Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
bessstillman.substack.com
Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
1–10 of 227 posts
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#2There is a problem with rigid medical definitions. There is a huge difference between the author of this, a young pregnant woman losing her husband, and say, something like a middle aged person losing an elderly parent (as I did earlier this year). Of course it will take her far longer to recover (if at all).
I would guess her grief is not "disordered" though. As she says she functions - she works, she looks after her child, she looks after herself.
> We medicalize grief because we fear it.
Absolutely right. There is a certain cowardice in how we deal with death in the contemporary west.
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#3Even before finishing the first paragraph, it all sounded familiar to me. Then I looked at the author’s name and remembered, this is the same person who wrote “The Year I Didn’t Survive”.
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43020983 949 points | 7 months ago | 266 comments
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#4I experienced a long period of grief as well. I think the grief stayed because I wasn't totally happy with myself.. Then I decided it's time for change and I moved house and changed jobs. That helped me.
I'm still sad sometimes, but I have much more to look forward to now.
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#5Reading Jake's[0] and Bess' posts during his illness was both highly enlightening and also very depressing. The news of his death hurt me more than I expected. I simply cannot imagine the pain Bess has felt.
I wish I was half as articulate as they are and could say something that might provide even a modicum of comfort to her or others struggling with their grief.
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#6Damn this is so sad
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#7There is a practical utility in medicalizing otherwise normal behaviors. Particularly in the US, you need a medical diagnosis in order to take time off work, receive disability benefits or access mental health supports through insurance.
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#8There is a problem with rigid medical definitions. There is a huge difference between the author of this, a young pregnant woman losing her husband, and say, something like a middle aged person losing an elderly parent (as I did earlier this year). Of course it will take her far longer to recover (if at all). I would guess her grief is not "disordered" though. As she says she functions - she works, she looks after he…
In the west we’re trained to believe that if something happens there should be some sort of tangible reward on the other end, no matter how minute. Death takes and leaves nothing tangible and it’s the absence that drives us crazy. Since we’re trained this way we seek out some solution with the other trained aspect, spending money. Which in turn only temporarily numbs the grief until you deal with it.
We also stigmatize mental health care in the west, telling people to “suck it up” or “get over it”. So our money spending usually doesn’t direct us to a more helpful path.
I often wonder how dealing with death compares to the east where ancestors are commonly remembered, contemplated, and revered.
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#9[dead]
Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us
#10There is a problem with rigid medical definitions. There is a huge difference between the author of this, a young pregnant woman losing her husband, and say, something like a middle aged person losing an elderly parent (as I did earlier this year). Of course it will take her far longer to recover (if at all). I would guess her grief is not "disordered" though. As she says she functions - she works, she looks after he…
In the west we’re trained to believe that if something happens there should be some sort of tangible reward on the other end, no matter how minute. Death takes and leaves nothing tangible and it’s the absence that drives us crazy. Since we’re trained this way we seek out some solution with the other trained aspect, spending money. Which in turn only temporarily numbs the grief until you deal with it. We also stigmati…
> I often wonder how dealing with death compares to the east where ancestors are commonly remembered, contemplated, and revered.
In what way is this not western as well? Implying that western culture does not remember, contemplate, and revere those that have gone before us is a bad take.