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How do you live your life?

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Re: How do you live your life?

#11

Post by hermannj314 »

I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards.

You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.

You "value" your family because you hate yourself, but you don't have the confidence to admit it.

IOW, you live your life however you want to and when you feel like it you just move the goalposts to make sure you look successful. Depressed people are the ones with the integrity not to move the goalposts.

Re: How do you live your life?

#12

Post by robryan »

eckyptang wrote: post #10
jquery wrote: post #6

Several years ago our household income was $xx. Along came some opportunities and now it's $xx+y. My wife and I live the same lifestyle and save the rest. Why? It's fun to see the doors that open as your savings grow. Even if you never open those doors, having access to the keys is its own reward. Someday we'll open one of those doors. The anticipation and journey will surely be as joyful as the reveal behind the doo…

I disagree. I've watched three members of my family save and save and ultimately die of cancer with a pile of cash which consumed their life obtaining. I'd rather live for the moment. Obtaining money takes far too much time when you could be having fun (fun rarely involves much expenditure).

As with all things it is a balance, having built up wealth can let you take advantage of more opportunities and be more flexible than if you are living paycheck to paycheck (even if that paycheck is sizable)

Go to far and you are right.

Re: How do you live your life?

#13

Post by the_cat_kittles »

hermannj314 wrote: post #11

I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards. You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline,…

I'm not sure what your trying to get at, but for the sake of argument- wouldn't it be wise to move the goalposts if it means you aren't depressed?

Re: How do you live your life?

#14

Post by suresk »

eckyptang wrote: post #10
jquery wrote: post #6

Several years ago our household income was $xx. Along came some opportunities and now it's $xx+y. My wife and I live the same lifestyle and save the rest. Why? It's fun to see the doors that open as your savings grow. Even if you never open those doors, having access to the keys is its own reward. Someday we'll open one of those doors. The anticipation and journey will surely be as joyful as the reveal behind the doo…

I disagree. I've watched three members of my family save and save and ultimately die of cancer with a pile of cash which consumed their life obtaining. I'd rather live for the moment. Obtaining money takes far too much time when you could be having fun (fun rarely involves much expenditure).

I guess it depends on the magnitude of saving we're talking about. I have also seen people who work 12+ hours per day making a ton of money, and only give themselves tiny budgets for pursuing things they enjoy - one guy worked a full-time job and did 6+ hours of consulting every day, made well over $100k and lived in a relatively inexpensive area, but still only gave himself something like $50/month for eating out, books, entertainment, and the like. That is their call, of course, but I don't think I'd be very happy doing that.

On the other hand, though, there is an enormous amount of freedom and peace-of-mind that comes from having a healthy pile of cash and relatively liquid investments. If I look back at the 10 years or so since I started working full-time, my increase in income has been nice, but the increase in savings has improved my life substantially more.

I agree there's no point to being the richest person in the graveyard, but I'd prefer dying with a little excess money to being in a position where I was always a few paychecks away from serious financial trouble. Balance is key, I guess.

Re: How do you live your life?

#15

Post by benjaminwootton »

hermannj314 wrote: post #11

I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards. You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline,…

What a cynical view of the world.

I value my career and achievements but I'd swap it in a second for my immediate family.

It's nothing to do with depression, fear, or failing - it's absolutely the way it should be.

Re: How do you live your life?

#18

Post by hermannj314 »

the_cat_kittles wrote: post #13
hermannj314 wrote: post #11

I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards. You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline,…

I'm not sure what your trying to get at, but for the sake of argument- wouldn't it be wise to move the goalposts if it means you aren't depressed?

I'm not talking about clinical depression. But let's say the general, "I didn't get the promotion" style of depression.

For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one will judge me as a failure if I do that."

Shifting priorities can be rational if you honestly realize your tastes and interests have changed over time, but most often it seems shifting priorties are just a manifestation of weakness - a decision to flee rather than fight.

Re: How do you live your life?

#20

Post by AlisdairO »

hermannj314 wrote: post #11

I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards. You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline,…

> You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.

What if what you really want to be doing is being with and enjoying your family?

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