Ask HN: How do you fight depression?

I've had severe problems with depression before, and one of the biggest realizations that helped me out of it was that I have the power to change nearly every aspect of my life. There were many things in my life I wasn't happy with, and it took me a long time to realize that it was in my power to change them. It took me a much longer time to actually implement a plan and change them, to the point that I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin right now, but that realization was the start. I spent some time on medication (Lexapro) and in therapy, but I'm not a psychiatrist so I can't make any specific recommendations on that front. I can say that I viewed the therapist less as a doctor and more as an outside observer into my life, to whom I could talk about almost anything and get some trusted advice. I think it's paramount that you talk to somebody about this before you hurt yourself or, less dramatically, before you spend more time feeling depressed and questioning why you're even alive. Talk to a therapist, talk to a hotline, or even talk to a bartender somewhere if it's this bad. You've taken a first step by posting here, and that's a really brave thing to have done.

Please e-mail me if it's this bad and you genuinely feel you've got nowhere to turn. My e-mail address is in my profile, and while I'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist, I will gladly give you what assistance I can. What've you got to lose?

I'm sure the problem goes deep and has multiple layers, but it seems a major factor is that you hardly know anyone and probably feel disconnected from society. I used to be shy also, but for different reasons (I stuttered pretty badly when I as young). I can say for certain that opening up and truly connecting with people makes a big difference in life satisfaction.

If you haven't read it, a good starting point is Dale Carnegie's classic 'How to Win Friends & Influence People".

Beyond that, take small steps to connect with people. Here is a first big step IMHO: start smiling more and projecting happiness. It attracts people to you. Even more, psychologists have found reason to believe the act of physically smiling improves your mood. Fake it til you make it.

Here are a few others: start making eye contact with people on the street, smile at people on the street, start saying hi to random people (the waitress, the person working the cash register, co workers), make random small talk with strangers (about anything! you have nothing to lose really), etc.

All the small steps will slowly add up, and over time, you will find yourself connecting better with people, making more friends, etc.

Good luck!

Oh and if you are really hurting, please consult with a doctor.. If not for u, for those who love u, please do...

So what i did was just starting to use an efficient anti-depressant. (I hate doctors and i decided myself which to use) Not that hardcore ones that makes people like sheeps but just ordinal one. (Citalopram) Before that i was very afraid that whether i will be someone else or damage myself but you know what? It totally changed my life forever. I have been using it for two years but i admit that if i didn't start to use it i would be in very different place (or maybe hell) by now. People thinks that this kind of drugs as "chemicals" and not a natural way to solve the problems. But it worked with me and increased my life quality. I think you should try one of those before you definitely decide to kill yourself or whatsoever. You will loose nothing on that case but giving life a chance.

I've asked myself this a few times in life. And, sadly, I'm actually probably the only person in my family who doesn't need medication, my depressions always come from reflections on mistakes I chose in the past and still pay for, as well as wondering how the future will improve.

And compared to one year ago, it has vastly improved. It's gone from an insane amount of stress to much, much less. It's gone from having no point in life to some. And unfortunately, then I discovered that I was still getting depressed over what the future would hold. That's after giving up a job that was killing me, mind you.

Oh boy, shyness, man, I know your pain. Awkward and "other problems" - I know you may think other people can't relate, but there are people with the same problems. I haven't yet discovered a unique problem. Of course, that doesn't matter.

Manic depression is real. Some people need medication for it. Other times, I don't know, maybe life really does get you down. I'll be honest with you. There was a time in my life when I drove fast. Really, really fast. Because I believed suicide was wrong. But if I drove fast, and an accident happened, that was different.

I'm glad an accident never happened. Even though I've spent the last couple days depressed. I'm not a programmer or engineer, which is why I never created an account before now, though I've lurked for a long while watching people I initially thought (but have since revised, somewhat) discuss technical stuff. Yes, I've cried over how hopeless things seem, recently. And I've been stuck in that boring job, alone, expenses just managing to inch that close to expenses, credit finally reaching it's limit, and living day to day with the realization that each day is only wake, work, entertainment, sleep, repeat.

And yet, I've seen things change. And man, I'd never believe it. I'm in my current situation, a much better one I should add, because I told someone that I couldn't stand my life, couldn't deal with what was happening. Fortunately, it was someone that somehow, at that exact time, had a situation open up that they could bring me in on. I was lucky. I don't know how much longer I could have held out. But I wasn't reaching out to others.

And you know what? Looking to others online (I did it too) can alleviate some of the pain, but I know that as much as these answers comfort you, remind you that others ARE in the exact same situation, or have been, everyone is different, situations are different, and nobody, NOBODY, ever really understands what YOU are going through. Even if it may seem trivial, even if you personally know it may seem and even be trivial, it doesn't mean other people understand.

I don't understand. I've had my own problems. Millions of other people have had problems. Lots of people somehow live. Some people do end up dying.

And though this may be hackernews, and though there it may not be something you believe, in the worst of times here's what's kept me from doing anything more than that speeding I thankfully left in the past: I do believe in God, and that although things are bad, he'd be SAD (yes, emotionally depressed, God himself would be) if I decided to take my own life, as would my mother, and I'd never have a chance with that girl that really, I didn't actually have a chance with. Yeah, they aren't all reasons other people would look up to, but it's real.

And you know what: I'm still here. Still crying at knowing things may not get better than they currently are. But I can't deny they are better than they were, even if I still haven't solved my problems.

I won't lie: life can get worse. And yes, it can get better. But it might get worse. The question isn't if you can look forward and see where the good will come from. It's about whether you can reject the bad, no matter how long it lasts, and tell the world that yes, you're better than it. That no matter how it smacks you down, you're a better person than how it wants you to be.

You may be stuck in a terrible job, stuck in a situation you can't handle, and not know anyone. I sympathize. I may even understand - but I can't state that for a certainty because really, I don't know you. I know millions have similar situations. But not one person would I dare to say I really understand, it'd be too cruel.

But I do know life should be lived. As I said, it may get worse. But, it may get better. Here's the answer: we really don't know what the future holds. It's uncertain. But here's what I do know: we aren't dealt a life that's already certain. Fate doesn't exist. Life can get better. It can get worse. But here's the thing: we don't know when it'll get worse. But we can absolutely work and struggle and make it better.

Man, I know it's tough. And sometimes, you cling to things you can, as small as they may be. As long as you live, please, believe me, they are worth holding onto. You don't know what the future holds. Your fears, my fears, some exist, some will exist, and some will only be imagination and nothing more.

I can't tell you how to fight depression, because that's your battle. I can admit that I have a family member that is definitely, clinically depressed. And I know from how they act when they haven't taken their medication. Right now, they, who a few years ago were so depressed they deceived their parents about taking medication at all and wouldn't for months at a time, is now leading an incredibly happy life they couldn't even imagine being possible during that time. It was completely unexpected.

They still need to take medication to fight the real, clinical depression. But that doesn't change the fact their life did in fact change in a way they couldn't expect, couldn't foresee, couldn't even fathom as a regular person, let along a depressed person.

I know it's not much to go on. But enough people die constantly. I know it's hard: that much I do know, really. There are groups that can sympathize. And as hard, as incredibly painful and humiliating it can be to talk to others about something so person, so painful, without the wall of anonymity, it does in fact help. The first step is hardest. Medication does help. It's hard to believe sometimes, even if you don't believe you're one of the "really really depressed ones," but watching someone go from suicidal to having a new outlook on life because they corrected a real deficiency in their brain is incredible.

And here I stand, still someone suffering. But I do know better. I do think it's wrong. And there are still people I love. There are still things I hold onto. And, I still have, no matter how small or how much of a sliver it is, hope.

That's how I fight depression. I don't always win the battles. But so far, I'm here typing. Never stop the fight. I'm sorry, but I can't say the fight will end. But never stop the fight. And find something you love - that's important too. No matter what it is, love something. Can't believe that I picked this day to register, and saw this post somehow. You never know what the future holds. But you can influence it.