Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#1

Post by DrorY » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 7:47 AM UTC

While I am aware this is not a real hackish or technological question to ask, I gather it's still the right place. As I guess that most of hacker news readers are used to be the smartest guys around.

I started dating a truly exceptional girl. She's the smartest person I've ever met. I am looking for some advice:

Have you ever dated a girl that was much smarter than you? How did it effect you \ your self esteem? Did your connection last? Did you feel it was an issue? If it was an issue did you discus it?

Actually any general advice here would be truly appreciated.

Thanks

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#2

Post by mooism2 » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 7:56 AM UTC

Do you feel that it is a problem?

Would it be a problem if you had a platonic friend (of either gender) who was much smarter than you?

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#3

Post by DrorY » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 7:57 AM UTC

mooism2 wrote: post #2

Do you feel that it is a problem? Would it be a problem if you had a platonic friend (of either gender) who was much smarter than you?

no, it wouldn't. I don't feel it's a problem now, as I feel enough self value in what I am doing. I fear it might evolve into a problem if at some point along the road I won't feel that satisfaction in whatever it is I am doing

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#4

Post by contumace » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 8:16 AM UTC

You would certainly prefer to be the smartest. Do you feel threatened ?

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#5

Post by acesubido » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 8:19 AM UTC

Being "smart" is relative. In what area is she smart? There are many types of intelligence. MMA fighters or Bikers are physically smart, musicians are smart in terms of auditory senses and so and so forth.

In a relationship, as applies to any other aspect in life, we have our roles to play. One major pitfall is to compare each other and make up for your weakness instead of focusing and honing your strengths.

Assuming you have a healthy relationship, her being "smart" doesn't mean anything and should not affect you in any way. She will ultimately depend on you leading her in the relationship. She will depend on you to stand up for her when she feels bad. She delights in you when you share your stories. She feels comfortable when you listen to her even if you don't understand what she is saying.

Be a man for her.

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#6

Post by cheshirecat » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 8:47 AM UTC

If she doesn't care, why should you? Learn from her and be exceptional as well. Be confident. She wouldn't date you if she had not found something special in you.

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#7

Post by gexla » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 8:53 AM UTC

She is your girlfriend? Or you just started dating her? Which is it? ;)

For all your dating questions, go search for "Doc Love" at Ask Men. He writes articles there and they are gold for dating advice. This man is a wizard. Don't take advice from anyone else. Thank me later.

Appearances are everything. Don't worry about being smart, rather, shoot for appearing smart.

One of the most powerful ways to appear smart is to be able to communicate well with good grammar and writing. I see that you could use a lot of improvement in those areas, so that's where I would start.

Learn the difference between the usage of "affect" and "effect" (don't let your bad grammar _affect_ your self esteem. ) Learn the difference between the usage of "who" and "that" (the girl _who_ you are dating is better than the girl _that_ your friend is dating.)

http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/11204/how-to-use-...

Go look at just about any list of "top ten skills" and communication and good writing skills are probably on that list.

Do a search for grammar resources and spend time each day reading through these resources. Also spend time writing every day.

Good luck!

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#8

Post by Paul_S » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 9:01 AM UTC

The frankness of the question caught me by surprise. I don't think I can help you though as I'm not one of those poeple you mention. There's tons of better programmers around the office and most of them are my friends so I'm quite at home with not being the smartest person on the planet. There's more to life than solving problems, as long as you enjoy your time together who cares.

It bothers me though when people try to invent different types of intellect as some sort of consolation prize. Accept that people are different, life's too short to be comparing penis sizes all your life.

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#9

Post by jonah » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 9:12 AM UTC

Continue to grow, learn and progress. Don't get stuck, keep moving forward. Be worthy of respect.

Re: Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

#10

Post by AntoPaz » Mon, Sep 10, 2012, 9:15 AM UTC

I had a really exceptional girlfriend (extremely smart, successful and beautiful) - and married her. In general you should see it as a success. Most people only date the next-best-fit, you found someone you admire. Ask her what she admires/ loves in you and you'll surely find out some truly exceptional facts about yourself to soothe your self-esteem.