Earlier quoted context omitted.
If i am forced to attend its about me.
How old are you, 14?
30 with lots of dead people in my life. Just dont tell other people what to do.
Basic Social Skills Guide
261–270 of 283 posts
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#262Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's such a young person thing to believe the adrenaline of pushing against the envelope is a better feeling than the endorphins of expressing appropriate emotion. I'm sure they'll learn this when they come of age. Life can be painful, and comfort, solace, and community are really nice when you're on the downswing instead of the upswing, which happens to all of us if you're strong enough to live that long.
Community is having to deal with way too many unauthentic brainless people.
Categorizing some of the most meaningful, most fundamental human experiences as "brainless" is no doubt part of the reason you struggle with having community. And, I'm guessing, why communities struggle with you.
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#263Earlier quoted context omitted.
It seems like, at least in online places like Reddit, "boundaries" has become this magical, get-out-of-jail-free word that justifies people to short-circuit norms and socialization and just do whatever they want in human relationships. "I want to do X, and I don't want to do Y, and I don't want my partner calling me out for doing Z. If you don't like it, that's your problem, and if you object, you're crossing my boun…
What exactly is wrong with being selfish and anti social? Most of yalls employers are selfish and you still work for them.
Max Stirner's ghost just smiled somewhere
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#264Earlier quoted context omitted.
Community is having to deal with way too many unauthentic brainless people.
Categorizing some of the most meaningful, most fundamental human experiences as "brainless" is no doubt part of the reason you struggle with having community. And, I'm guessing, why communities struggle with you.
Maybe I dont value community if I consider most people brainless? That's my conclusion of 30 years of life experience. I was traumatized at the age of 15 and didn't value community ever since. During that time I was dropped and ignored by society. Fake ass society, the only value you have as a human is what you can provide, you are never on the receiving end.
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#265Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Mostly true actually. If this was not so, the world would look like a daycare without supervision. Just a bunch of primal feelings and violence. The inner self isn't just an id, it's your goals, interests, values and ways of thinking too. And the social fitness script is that you should only have acceptable goals and interests and acceptable ways of talking about them. Talking about wanting to buy a nice house and…
I think if someone is already not taken by any of their inner things entirely, then they are already doing this regulation thing. The social skills that are described in the article (and soft skills in general) are just a next step on the same path, focusing on getting along, rather than completely internal regulation. I too have wildly different area of interest, level of interest, and approach to things than most p…
There is a true asymmetry that's avoided by the anodyne "everyone needs to think about these things" talk. If you take a group of 20 people from your country chosen completely at random, some people are likely to find things being similar with themselves and several people in this group, no matter which group was picked, and other people are likely to find little in similar between themselves and the group for most of the groups.
Social skills instruction is often about how to get along with averaged random groups like this. The first sort of person might find it as useful know-how for a thing they already find agreeable. The second sort of person might not find the initial situation agreeable at all, so the instruction gets the implicit added bit of "first of all, you need to not be yourself".
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#266Earlier quoted context omitted.
[flagged]
Have you found a generally equal level of interest in hunting, fishing, sports, and cars across the genders? That’s not been my experience and, as a basic social skill, I seek to adapt my conversational topics to the audience’s interest.
I was rather mocking the parent poster for suggesting such overly cliché topics. In reality, men and women share many common interests (music, movies, food, travel, etc.) which I also think are more universal than cars and fishing.
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#267Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sure. Look not to the replies, but the top of the thread. The 'hint': > " ... can't they read my PRs?" I know one really good way to answer that. The requirement for the question suggests the same for review.
You're misreading it. Reading the speaker's PRs is presented as an alternative to talking to them, in the same way that if Alice and Bob were arguing whether song lyric sites should exist and Alice asked "can't they listen to the song?", it would be a rhetorical question and would not indicate that Bob did not listen to the song he wanted to read the lyrics of.
Hah. Disagree, don't care to continue. Have fun/take care.
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#268Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think if someone is already not taken by any of their inner things entirely, then they are already doing this regulation thing. The social skills that are described in the article (and soft skills in general) are just a next step on the same path, focusing on getting along, rather than completely internal regulation. I too have wildly different area of interest, level of interest, and approach to things than most p…
There is a true asymmetry that's avoided by the anodyne "everyone needs to think about these things" talk. If you take a group of 20 people from your country chosen completely at random, some people are likely to find things being similar with themselves and several people in this group, no matter which group was picked, and other people are likely to find little in similar between themselves and the group for most o…
>"first of all, you need to not be yourself"
Yes, that seems part of it, as long as all you know is "yourself without social skills". With social skills, and leaving some of that "yourself" behind, you will discover that don't just change, or reduce yourself, in a social setting, but become more yourself as a whole. The very definition of "yourself" changes, broadens because of this added experience.
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#269Earlier quoted context omitted.
In the US I was taught you don’t need to signal at roundabouts. Am I doing something terribly wrong?
>Signal when you change lanes or exit the roundabout. California Driver Handbook https://www.dmv.ca.gov/web/eng_pdf/dl600.pdf
The UK version:
https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/roundabouts.html
I think the main difference is the expectation that you start signalling, if appropriate, before joining the roundabout. My main complaint (OK one of my main complaints) is that drivers turning right start signalling right and then forget to signal left as they leave...
Re: Basic Social Skills Guide
#270On the topic of "support your friends", if there's a funeral for someone you weren't super close with but your friend knew well and you're not sure whether to go, I would recommend just going, sitting up the back, offering your condolences if the opportunity comes up, and leaving. I've failed to do this twice. Nobody else said or did anything, but I regretted it.
Depending on culture and the people, just going might be uncomfortable for the people you want to support. Maybe your friend was close with the deceased and thus their family would like them to be there, but not a stranger. Additionally, your friend or the family of the deceased may feel obligated to interact with you and make you feel welcome because you went. Maybe they’d prefer if you hadn’t gone.
I’d instead recommend asking your friend (though again, this advice may be culturally dependent). Be sure they know it’s about you supporting them.
I remember when a family member died and only one classmate asked me if I wanted them to come to the funeral. I refused but remember the gesture to this day. It’s about the only thing I remember about the person. I also remember a couple of other friends to whom I was closer not asking me, and that stuck with me because they both disliked and badmouthed (I don’t really know why, I avoided dumb drama) the original person. That made me rethink a lot of things.
Anyway, I guess the point is to think of what your friend would like and make sure they understand you’re there for them.