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What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

derekthompson.org

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Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#301

Post by slaw »

itake wrote: post #252
angmarsbane wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same boat. I know a number of women who couldn't find partners who both wanted kids and could pay half the bills so those women are now freezing their eggs or pursuing single motherhood by choice. Of the woman I know who are married, all of them had to talk their husbands into the first child and second child.

My sister is one of these cases. My take is the bar for marriage / life partner is really really high in modern relationships. Women aren't able to attract the mates they want, so they would rather try to do it on their own or wait, than "settle" for a guy that isn't meeting their standards. The female dating coach Logan Ury wrote a book called "How not to die alone" which discusses this issue.

> Women aren't able to attract the mates they want

Women set expectation bar so high, only top 5% of men meet.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#302

Post by jdlshore »

kevin_thibedeau wrote: post #293
itake wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some men are stepping up. but others aren't. Many women don't want to have kids because they can't find a qualified partner they feel will be a good dad and good husband.

They'll also reject this sort of man at the start of a relationship for being "too nice".

Let’s not perpetuate these sorts of unbacked, destructive aphorisms here.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#303

Post by UncleMeat »

triceratops wrote: post #206
itake wrote: post #161

My $0.02 is being a mom sucks. In modern relationships, men just want to work and come home to a cooked meal and clean house, but their wives are working just as many hours the men are. Having kids means tension in relationship, unpaid labor by the woman, and stress parenting kids. Even if the husband steps up, he still can't breast feed for 3 hours per day. Pregnancy is really terrible on the woman's body. Post-part…

> In modern relationships, men just want to work and come home to a cooked meal and clean house As a man in a "modern relationship" I strenuously object to this. I mean yeah I want that (who wouldn't?), but I know I'm not going to get it because my partner has a job too so we have to help each other. Literally every one of my married male friends also regularly cooks and cleans.

Many men advocate for an equitable household.

But the stats are clear. Women still perform substantially more labor at home than men do across the US population.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#304

Post by kevin_thibedeau »

itake wrote: post #241
swagasaurus-rex wrote: post #229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women can leave and get alimony, child support, and often times greater custody of the kids. Men don’t want to take that risk, so many men opt out of marriage as well.

Alimony is temporary and fixed, whereas careers are not only life-long, but have compounding growth. There is a significant financial gap between a divorced woman in her 50s with only five years of alimony remaining and a career woman in her 50s with a $400,000 401(k) balance.

Western Marriage is a contract where one party is rewarded for breaking the terms. The low marriage rates of Millennials / Elder Z [1] are indicative of this new world order. It isn't just "because men!!".

[1] https://old.reddit.com/r/MediocreTutorials/comments/18lhait/...

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#305

Post by slaw »

lisbbb wrote: post #259
itake wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In many HCOL cities, for many couples, SAHM isn't a financially feasible option. Also, as a full-time mom, you’ve given up autonomy to your husband (since he controls the finances). While women can leave the relationship whenever they want, their careers often suffer, and they can’t just pick up where they left off.

You all created this economic disaster with high taxes and high cost of living via your voting patterns and you own it now. I'm sure I'll be downvoted to hell for saying this, but it is, in fact, the truth.

If voting could change something, it would be forbidden. See Romanian presidential election.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#306

Post by mapotofu »

bachmeier wrote: post #291
crtified wrote: post #178

My anecdotal experience, which illustrates how changing societal norms may be contributing. Around 1960, my grandmother scandalously fell pregnant with my mother in her late teens. The child was adopted out - well, not out - in. To her own grandmother, to be raised as a "younger sister" to her own mother. Around 1980, my mother scandalously fell pregnant with me, in her late teens. Despite family disapproval, the chi…

[flagged]

I honestly don’t know how you can say this. When my son was born, we were asked enough times about circumcision that it seemed like a battle to get to “no”. (USA)

The system has a system and a narrative. If you’re working against the narrative you have to be very prepared.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#307

Post by znpy »

itake wrote: post #161

My $0.02 is being a mom sucks. In modern relationships, men just want to work and come home to a cooked meal and clean house, but their wives are working just as many hours the men are. Having kids means tension in relationship, unpaid labor by the woman, and stress parenting kids. Even if the husband steps up, he still can't breast feed for 3 hours per day. Pregnancy is really terrible on the woman's body. Post-part…

> In modern relationships, men just want to work and come home to a cooked meal and clean house, but their wives are working just as many hours the men are.

This absolutely isn't the reality I observe in my circle, but I acknowledge it was the reality for my parents and grandparents.

Not gonna lie: it just seems like you made a poor choice in picking a partner.

Don't blame it on the entire male population.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#308

Post by Qem »

const_cast wrote: post #151
Aurornis wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A stable population requires a fertility rate of about 2.1. It’s not about growth, it’s about stability of population at this point.

No it does not, not for countries like the US that are primarily composed of immigrants. I think we often forget that a lot of the white people here are immigrants, too, usually only a couple generations removed.

Migrant source regions are mostly going subreplacement as well.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#309

Post by senectus1 »

UncleMeat wrote: post #300
crtified wrote: post #178

My anecdotal experience, which illustrates how changing societal norms may be contributing. Around 1960, my grandmother scandalously fell pregnant with my mother in her late teens. The child was adopted out - well, not out - in. To her own grandmother, to be raised as a "younger sister" to her own mother. Around 1980, my mother scandalously fell pregnant with me, in her late teens. Despite family disapproval, the chi…

Abortions are not the primary reason why teen pregnancy is way down. There's actual data, you know. Fewer teen pregnancies is a reason why birth rates in the US are declining. But it isn't driven by abortion. And it is insane to me that I'm now seeing this "oh actually teen pregnancy wasn't so bad" thing pop up all over the place.

While I agree, his experience is also salient.

Ease of access to birth control and ease and safety of abortion will be having a very detectable impact on the birthrate.

Not saying they need to be restricted, just that they're very relevant data points.

Re: What caused the 'baby boom'? What would it take to have another?

#310

Post by twoodfin »

0_____0 wrote: post #90
Aurornis wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When I see a family of 5 my first thought is "holy fuck they must be loaded. This is an interesting divide between social media reality of children and the real world. Any parent will recognize that having 5 kids does not mean paying 5X the cost of infant daycare, which is obvious when you think about it. Infant daycare is expensive but it's also temporary. It's also fascinating that so many people assume daycare i…

I'm expecting a kid in Jan. It was sort of unexpected (earlier than planned by about a year!). I'm gonna be honest I had a really grim talk with my partner about finances... I don't make tech money right now and my partner is not in a high paid field. You make good points and I'm looking into all those options now. I have friends who are doing basically everything you mentioned between them. I do think you missed the…

Congrats. Take care with the money, as always, but kids are the most rewarding “investment” imaginable.
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