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What if you could do it all over? (2020)

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Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#71

Post by smrtinsert »

My mid life has been by design and its going great. My father had a lucrative career at the significant cost of family time. I'm around and engaged in being a dad and husband. I got into software because it offered great work life balance and its relatively easy and fun. That said, I'm the type of person who has a hard time not working into the early hours if I get caught in a problem. Sometimes I wonder if that's truly nature or nurture from watching my father. I take issue with companies that force that lifestyle on me though.

The other day we went for ice cream after dinner out and movie. I can't tell you fine people enough how much of an accomplishment that felt to me. It's something so simple it must seem ridiculous. I never wanted big money. The cost is simply too high.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#72

Post by hshshshshsh »

xyzzy9563 wrote: post #37
anonzzzies wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Never needed that: I like life because I know I will die soon and nothing I do matters. That is the thing I would've liked to know earlier.

If you have children you can help continue a chain of humans millions or maybe even billions of years long.

That's a long chain of suffering you are creating. What do you do with that length?

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#73

Post by hshshshshsh »

xyzzy9563 wrote: post #52
Conscat wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I will be childfree, so will my sister. Both of us are queer. As far as I know, all my three cousins (two of whom are queer) feel the same. There's no reason to expect that your children will want to reproduce, and it is pretty selfish to project your own dissatisfaction with life onto another human that way.

If someone cares more about themselves than continuing their family line or the human species, it’s arguably more selfish.

It's also selfish to bring humans that goes through immense suffering in their life so that you get meaning out of life or get joy from kids.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#74

Post by hshshshshsh »

rfrey wrote: post #64
xyzzy9563 wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If someone cares more about themselves than continuing their family line or the human species, it’s arguably more selfish.

Why should somebody consider their own "family line" special? That seems pretty arbitrary - perhaps hardwired in some way but not in any sense a moral imperative. When there's an imminent danger of the human species ending because of a lack of babies, we can talk about the other point.

Family like any other material possessions is just another building block for the ego. Trying to believe you own something or is something when nothing is permanent and everything is part of everything else.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#75

Post by deadbabe »

owebmaster wrote: post #16
glimshe wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you think someone from 1025 would feel this way if they came here? Serious question.

Do you think people in 1025 weren't living happy and fulfilling lives? People are happy in Africa, Latin America and the poor parts of Asia now, many places people are happier than in the US actually.

I don’t think they are truly happy. They have moments of joy and things that feel good, but they live in a mileu of misery that they’ve just grown to normalize and doesn’t affect them much.

Happiness isn’t just being able to avoid sadness, that’s just contentment. It is difficult to explain happiness to someone that hasn’t been truly happy. When I used to do cocaine, those feelings were pure happiness, and I’ve never really felt something to that degree again. I think happiness as we know it is really just a modern concept, one that is enabled by our increasingly leisurely and stimulating life, that has vastly expanded the length and enjoyment of our childhoods. Maybe being happy is a lot like being a child, forever.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#76

Post by hshshshshsh »

jebarker wrote: post #40
xyzzy9563 wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have children you can help continue a chain of humans millions or maybe even billions of years long.

Sometimes when I'm struggling with the day to day mundane aspects of early years parenting I reframe it as the work of continuing the human race. Somehow makes it easier to keep pushing on as something so significant _should_ be challenging.

That's just your ego talking. The human race will be just fine with or without you raising kids. Our great great ancestor monkeys and fishes didn't raise their children to push their species to centuries further. They just existed and it's what they do as part of their nature. Trying to project meaning to it just ego at play.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#77

Post by [deleted] »

anonzzzies wrote: post #23
jmathai wrote: post #6

Family and children eliminated thoughts of my “unlived” lives. Life is hard. Focusing on gratitude helps me be thankful for what I have instead of thinking about what may have been.

Never needed that: I like life because I know I will die soon and nothing I do matters. That is the thing I would've liked to know earlier.

[deleted]

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#78

Post by ty6853 »

hshshshshsh wrote: post #76
jebarker wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes when I'm struggling with the day to day mundane aspects of early years parenting I reframe it as the work of continuing the human race. Somehow makes it easier to keep pushing on as something so significant _should_ be challenging.

That's just your ego talking. The human race will be just fine with or without you raising kids. Our great great ancestor monkeys and fishes didn't raise their children to push their species to centuries further. They just existed and it's what they do as part of their nature. Trying to project meaning to it just ego at play.

No they won't. The human race will literally put you in a tiny cage if you don't raise kids how they approve. It makes them seethe, rage, and their skin boil, they do not feel at all fine and they have invented entire apparatus to make sure people who do not raise children as they approve are punished harshly.

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#79

Post by [deleted] »

deadbabe wrote: post #75
owebmaster wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you think people in 1025 weren't living happy and fulfilling lives? People are happy in Africa, Latin America and the poor parts of Asia now, many places people are happier than in the US actually.

I don’t think they are truly happy. They have moments of joy and things that feel good, but they live in a mileu of misery that they’ve just grown to normalize and doesn’t affect them much. Happiness isn’t just being able to avoid sadness, that’s just contentment. It is difficult to explain happiness to someone that hasn’t been truly happy. When I used to do cocaine, those feelings were pure happiness, and I’ve never…

[deleted]

Re: What if you could do it all over? (2020)

#80

Post by jebarker »

hshshshshsh wrote: post #76
jebarker wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes when I'm struggling with the day to day mundane aspects of early years parenting I reframe it as the work of continuing the human race. Somehow makes it easier to keep pushing on as something so significant _should_ be challenging.

That's just your ego talking. The human race will be just fine with or without you raising kids. Our great great ancestor monkeys and fishes didn't raise their children to push their species to centuries further. They just existed and it's what they do as part of their nature. Trying to project meaning to it just ego at play.

Actually, in a rare exception this isn't my ego for once. I'm well aware my specific kids don't have any special cosmic significance or even just special significance to the human race. However, continuing humanity does seem at least an interesting thing to do and it's a collective effort. It's also best entered into consciously as a human since you can have far more impact on other humans and animals than a fish can. It's also definitely challenging to raise kids, so it's real work I'm doing.

Thinking about continuing humanity is a coping strategy and I can assure you it's more effective than HN rationality when my kid is screaming about their cheerios etc

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