The Rise of the Japanese Toilet

These are neat, but not an option for those in rentals/apartments. Instead, on the advice here, about five years ago I bought a “bum gun” from Home Depot, the fancy stainless steel version for maybe $60 at the time.

https://www.homedepot.com/b/Bath-Bidets-Handheld-Bidets/N-5y...

These deliver 90% of the benefits for under 10% of the cost, and less maintenance. It’s like a small metal garden hose with gun shaped valve at the end, you attach between the wall spigot and hose to the toilet with an adjustable wrench. Takes maybe 10 mins.

Would never go back to the dirty butt lifestyle. ;-)

Much of the world is like this. Even in some advanced places, so I'm always on the lookout for the tp trash can to make sure I'm not going to damage their pipes by flushing when I visit a new area.

There definitely exist full-featured models that replace only the seat of the toilet—a 5-minute, highly reversible effort well within the capabilities of even the most nervous renter.

The water hose stacks inline with your existing supply at the point where it enters the toilet basin—a simple unscrew-and-rescrew operation on the order of attaching a garden hose. If the seat and water are heated (vigorously recommend!), the extension cord plugs into your existing shaver outlet / GFCI.

I’m familiar with Brondell as a non-Toto option, and I’m sure there are others!

>> it’s incomprehensible that in other countries people just wipe and…hope for the best.

Well ... I don't have a bidet but doesn't mean I don't wash my buttocks after doing business. Unfortunately it's a bit of a taboo subject so it's not discussed, not taught in school / hygiene classes, just let it be.

Best example I heard from someone is this: imagine you dip your hands in Nutella. Then try to clean them just wiping with toilet paper, for more authenticity, without looking. Then look at the result, that's your ass, good thing you got underpants! Compare that with washing with soap and water!

So how do I do it?

- First step it to use wet toilet paper. I can't stand raw toilet paper, it scratches my hemorrhoids, so I pre-soak it in water from the tap if available or just water I keep in my mouth if in a public place / at work. I hate public places for this matter. This way it's much gentler for the tushy, it also pre-washes the area and third advantage, it's much less likely to clog the toilet when I flush, being already soaked.

- So after the first step I'm closer to washing Nutella than wiping it. If in a public place, that's the best I got. If at home, next step is wash my butt with soap and water in a plastic bucket. There, that's your bidet! For 2 bucks, you too can get one! :) Sure, you have to squat and not wear any pants, but you're in your own freaking bathroom. Dry with paper towels which you throw in a bucket. Plus, comes the third step anyway and you won't be wearing any clothes for that.

- Third step is taking a quick shower. At this point you won't be leaving a trail of poo into the shower drain or bath tub (I shower in the bath tub) but still get to clean your general areas that were in contact with the toilet, hence e-coli and sh*t (no pun intended), plus shower feels good.

So there's that: my overly complicated toilet routine that takes some 3 minutes extra after finishing with the toilet proper, which leaves me perfectly adequate for entering a pool. Unfortunately I also know that 99.98% of the population entering said pool has their Nutella butt washed for the first time in said pool, so no pools for me if I can avoid it.

Power outlets are not allowed near water basins here and so are not installed into the wall near the toilet. Most often there’s only one outlet near the sink with a circuit breaker on an opposite wall.

Heated is not necessary in California and more complexity means more likely to break, so YMMV.