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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#211

Post by Animats »

Some schools have alumni clubs. Harvard has a whole chain of them. Here's the New York City branch.[1] It's modeled after classic English clubs. It's still thriving. But the Princeton Club went broke and the Yale Club is in trouble.

Stanford never got into this. Stanford's alumni association is mostly a front for the "development office", the alumni donation extraction operation.

Silicon Valley had the Capital Club in San Jose (closed). There's something called the Alexandria in San Carlos, which has a restaurant and a gym.[2] Cafe Borrone in Menlo Park is a hangout of sorts, and it's next to the British Bankers Club, which used to be a pub but upgraded to a fancy restaurant.

There's happy hour at the Sand Hill Sundeck, at 3000 Sand Hill Road.[3]

There's Hacker Dojo [4] But after two moves and COVID, it's a shadow of what it once was.

Those are places you go to make deals, or at least talk to people who do deals.

[1] https://www.hcny.com/

[2] https://www.invitedclubs.com/clubs/the-alexandria-san-carlos...

[3] https://www.sandhillsundeck.com/

[4] https://hackerdojo.org/

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#212

Post by PaulDavisThe1st »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #153
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#213

Post by 331c8c71 »

wkat4242 wrote: post #102
sandspar wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Huh? "Conformist" is the most common type of person on Earth and conformists prefer hanging out with conformists. Social clubs are entirely a conformist phenomena, almost by definition. All those Elk clubs and bowling clubs and so on were chock full of conformists.

I don't agree. If you choose the right club you don't have to conform and you can just be yourself. Especially in the cities there's a scene for everyone. In the countryside it's slim pickings of course so you do have to conform. Maybe that's one of the reason people in small towns are so different, the social dynamic is stricter because there's just not enough people around to form groups of people that are differen…

It's a subtle matter. Seeking acceptance and validation subconsciously and being willing to conform to get those is probably a much more common pattern compared to a conscious desire to compromise and to conform.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#214

Post by kujillo »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #165
bluefirebrand wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

[flagged]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#215

Post by renewiltord »

Is this really a problem? I get the feeling that the male loneliness epidemic is more described by people about others than themselves. For my part, the world doesn't seem that way at all. I have many friends who live close by and who are a part of my life. We play basketball and poker and board games together. We go to nearby bars occasionally and to each others' homes regularly. We lift together though I haven't been good about keeping up with that.

And my apartment building is home to some 500 people, all of whom are quite normal. People borrow a spoon of yogurt or a USB cable, or ask for a jump start, or help with plumbing. It all feels very normal and about the right scale of human interaction. Considering all that, and that people generally report happiness, and that these things come and go without success we must conclude the whole thing is illusory like so many other Complaints About The Modern World.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#216

Post by pixxel »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#217

Post by te_chris »

nothercastle wrote: post #150
wkat4242 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

Where do you go where they sticker cameras. Seems like my kind of place.

Queer nightclubs - Berghain and FOLD (London) e.g.

Some parties I occasionally go to in London have a “we really really don’t want you to use your phone on the dance floor and will tell you off” policy.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#218

Post by monkeydust »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

https://eastindiaclub.co.uk/ is a famous one that exists to this date with some of the antiquated rules. Been a few times with a friend who is a member.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#220

Post by imjustaghost »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #153
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

This is a good point. I am a married man. As a woman, my wife cannot give me guy time - hence I love to hang out with my friends (who are all guys) - and I cannot give her girl time - hence she loves to hang out with her friends (who are all girls). The only women I am happy to be friendly with are colleagues (in a professional manner), family and ladies that my wife and I are friends with.

A lot of people baulk at this sort of arrangement/tolerance - but I bet it's quite common.

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