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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

181–190 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#181

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach.

For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK:

> Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation.

> Research gathered by the UKMSA Health and Wellbeing Survey, 2023, suggests 96% of Men’s Shed attendees feel less lonely since joining a Shed.

https://menssheds.org.uk

Unfortunately, sometimes you get things like this happening:

> 'We put the pressure on to join Men in Sheds'

> The 74-year-old added: "Eventually they let us in, just one morning, eventually it became all the time, and now it's 50% women, and we absolutely love it."

> When the women were allowed into the workshop, members decided to keep a quiet room with a model railway display in it, just for men.

> "We [the men] escape now and again [to the quiet room] and have a chat and weigh things up."

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5qd9l3094o

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't agree. If you choose the right club you don't have to conform and you can just be yourself. Especially in the cities there's a scene for everyone. In the countryside it's slim pickings of course so you do have to conform. Maybe that's one of the reason people in small towns are so different, the social dynamic is stricter because there's just not enough people around to form groups of people that are differen…

> I don't agree. If you choose the right club you don't have to conform and you can just be yourself There is absolutely no such club for many people who are even slightly out of the normal expected range of behavior

Really? Back in my day, there were all sorts of nerd groups, which were often plagued with horrible social dysfunction.[0] People just muddled through.

[0] https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

No. It’s a human issue. Some women with a female version of the you problem make the male you problem worse. Why some places can’t be man-free or woman-free to get biology and game theory out of the way?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

As a general rule men with money can’t behave well around women or at least don’t want to

Men who show off their money. Not all do. But then, some women like men who obviously have money; that was true back when money was invented.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

You're completely missing the point.

A mixed group works different socially than a male only group.

That's not because the men are socially incompetent. It's because it's a fundamentally different social situation. Even when everyone is an elite socializer.

I'm afraid you may be the one who needs to learn more about socializing.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#188
post #68

I like the idea in general principle - but if I lived in the right city/country, and didn't already have something similar, my first thought based on the landing page pictures would be; "This is only for white guys in their twenties." I don't know if that's intentional, but if I was in the location target market, I'd close the tab at that point.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

I guess it depends if you are after a club with men to help you climb some status ladder, or if you are after a club that helps you make male friends, regardless of where they come from.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#189
post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Introducing women to a group of men completely changes the dynamics, and vice versa. Genders have fundamental differences, and it's human nature to act differently in the presence of the other. Consider also that men may not be willing to be themselves or be open in the presence of women. Are they not allowed to have a space for this? A mixed gender social club inevitably gets raided by a load of dudebros who want to…

> There's no reason women can't have something like this for themselves too you know. Women do have things like this. There are tons of female exclusive events and spaces in society still Men aren't allowed to have male-only gyms but women do That's only one example

> Men aren't allowed to have male-only gyms but women do

Is that legally true? AFAICT, nobodies opening male-only gyms because there's no demand for them.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#190
post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Not only are they legal, many male only city clubs exist today! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_gentlemen%27s_clubs_in... Male-only country clubs also exist although are slightly more controversial and less common, such as Burning Tree, Garden City, Butler National, Augusta National (until the last ~10 years), Pine Valley (until the last few years). The unfortunate reality for most of us is that these places ar…

Maybe it's time start new and less desirable clubs for the common man.
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