Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#131

Post by SoftTalker »

bradlys wrote: post #108

I’m not the target audience but I wonder if I’m the type of individual it wishes would attend. (There is a caveat) I’m in my mid-30s, relatively successful, educated, friendly, outgoing, and so on. When I think of many men in my life, I am there for them emotionally and mentally. I’ve been there when times were good and bad. But, I have no interest in this even a little. If I wanted more male friends, it’d be trivial…

No women at the gym? OK it sounds obvious but you just need to get involved with things where there is female participation and not just dudes. Pottery, book clubs, hiking/biking groups, cooking groups, dance lessons, various volunteer groups, even church, etc. But it has to be stuff you're genuinely interested in regardless. Nothing will come off worse than a new guy who's clearly there just to meet women (although, women sometimes join groups to meet men also).

Let me also add, I'm a good 20 years older than you. Don't get too wired into a vision of "family" because if and when it does happen, it might not work out the way you imagine. It sure didn't for me.

Focus on being content and happy with yourself, and then worry about meeting someone.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#132

Post by Disposal8433 »

emseetech wrote: post #36
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

I recommend everyone watch the series Lodge 49. It's free to watch with ads now. Not only is a great show that touches on relationships and loneliness and modern alienation with a touch of magical realism and esoterica and alchemy but it focuses on a fraternal (in name only, women are members) order that your grandfather might have been a member of but have disappeared due to rising individualism, rising rents and di…

Freemasonry is hit or miss depending on who you meet and who you hangout with. Liberal freemasonry is even better IMHO because you actively work on yourself. You can choose to stay with men, be in a mixed group, and there are female only Lodges for the women who don't want to be with us stupid men.

I live in a big city where every member ends up knowing other member (male or female) even if your own Lodge is restricted to one sex. It's a lot of fun and I do believe it could be beneficial for a lot of incels.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#133

Post by Gigachad »

emseetech wrote: post #36
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

I recommend everyone watch the series Lodge 49. It's free to watch with ads now. Not only is a great show that touches on relationships and loneliness and modern alienation with a touch of magical realism and esoterica and alchemy but it focuses on a fraternal (in name only, women are members) order that your grandfather might have been a member of but have disappeared due to rising individualism, rising rents and di…

Think the main reason is because real estate is incredibly expensive now. To run some kind of social space and make it financially viable you need to be collecting a significant amount to pay rent and wages.

Only way I can see it working is if the government pays for social spaces. An extension of the library system but more focused on events and socialising rather than being a quiet space for reading.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#134

Post by tbrownaw »

worthless-trash wrote: post #103
wkat4242 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

> In a big city you can really be yourself because there's always others that > are like you and you can meet them in like-minded places. > And you can make real ties there. This is a massive assumption, but maybe 'yourself' is limited to a standard deviation from the accepted mean.

Is it really that outrageous of an assumption to think that most people are not too far from the majority?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#135

Post by cedws »

som wrote: post #100

[flagged]

Introducing women to a group of men completely changes the dynamics, and vice versa. Genders have fundamental differences, and it's human nature to act differently in the presence of the other.

Consider also that men may not be willing to be themselves or be open in the presence of women. Are they not allowed to have a space for this?

A mixed gender social club inevitably gets raided by a load of dudebros who want to get laid. Keeping it men only prevents this and keeps it genuine. There's no reason women can't have something like this for themselves too you know.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#136

Post by rchaud »

SoftTalker wrote: post #116
rchaud wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known. Not for me, I have been to plenty of meetups in my city. If you're not liked or don't get along with the others, the worst that can happen is that you'll be politely ostracized. The paranoia about being publicly "cancelled" seems very overblown.

Well we already have people on this page commenting on the demograpic represented on the submitted web site. Yes, in today's world there are almost always people looking to play "gotcha" and will try to pin you as a racist, misogynist, homophobe, or some other sort of bigot or pariah.

How would that apply in a real life setting? You're assuming that busy people would take time out of their day to attend a social event in person to nitpick the demographic makeup of said event instead of making friendly banter. How often has that happened at social events you've attended?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#137

Post by nothercastle »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

As a general rule men with money can’t behave well around women or at least don’t want to

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#138

Post by ToucanLoucan »

krisboyz781 wrote: post #128
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

Same reason why women like having women spaces. There certain experiences exclusive to being a male.

Example?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#139

Post by latentsea »

rchaud wrote: post #120
JKCalhoun wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something… I'm real all the time. What am I missing here?

The 800lb elephant in the room about this whole idea - some people have trouble building friendships because they can't stop themselves from bringing up fringe topics with people they just met, and insisting on having conversations about them.

Elephant's weigh more like 11,000lbs. I think you mean Gorilla?

Speaking of Gorillas, have you ever read the book Chimpanzee Politics? Crazy how at the end the other two chimps break into the one chimps cage and literally rip his nuts off. Crazy huh?

Oh wait... I'm doing that thing again, aren't I?

Post reply on HN