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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#32On the one hand, it's helpful to join a new friendship club if we truely admit that most of friendship is going to disappear as we are getting old.
On the other hand, some people are shamed to admit this point, as a result, joining this kind of club will make them look more shamed. It's just nature of humanity.
I think there should be a better idea for the second type of people.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#33Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.
These places exist but are usually financially prohibitive for most people, and that’s even if they meet whatever requirements they have to join
To be fair to our modern world this is how the Victorian gentleman's clubs were too—it's even in the name. If you weren't a gentleman you had the pub.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#34As Groucho said, I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Here's the thing -- by making it a 'club', and making prospective 'members' pass muster, you're just replicating HR at a big corporation. Friendship isn't so much about matching activities and interests as it is about finding someone whose sense of humor matches yours, or going through the same experience together. No matter how lonel…
Interesting! All of my best friends came from going through the same experience together. Totally agree on that. But that experience was high school or college. What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship? That consistent, shared experience what I'm trying to build. But I can appreciate the feedback that it comes across as "auditioning" as that's not the point. The goal…
== What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship?==
Maybe fatherhood. I’ve had some of that experience with friends I’ve made through my kid’s preschool.
This week I read an article about a local club for new fathers in Chicago. Kinda of a similar concept, friendship through shared experience.
https://chicago.suntimes.com/entertainment-culture/2025/05/2...
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#35[deleted]
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#36Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.
I recommend everyone watch the series Lodge 49. It's free to watch with ads now.
Not only is a great show that touches on relationships and loneliness and modern alienation with a touch of magical realism and esoterica and alchemy but it focuses on a fraternal (in name only, women are members) order that your grandfather might have been a member of but have disappeared due to rising individualism, rising rents and displacement.
But there's no reason we couldn't start building them again. Not high end exclusive clubs like Soho House but just a place with books and a reasonable membership fee and a bar with cheap drinks for added revenue and occasional "open to the public" events.
There could be ones for software devs, ones focused on philosophy or great literature, ones for musicians or artists.
I've run the back-of-a-napkin numbers and even in expensive cities it doesn't seem impossible if your goal is to just break even and foster a community.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#37Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.
I’ve often wondered what a contemporary free mason movement could be. I know they’re still around but their whole system is wildly arcane.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#38I like the idea, on principle, any attempt to build community should be supported.
I'm may not be the target audience if this is recently post-college, but the thing that strikes me is these activities feel a bit performatively male.
I guess my hot-take is there are certain things that people genuinely love (e.g. improv, dnd, video games, rock-climbing) perception be damned, and there are certain things that people do because they are socially acceptable stereotypes for males: drink craft beer, whiskey, poker, grilling, sports? And that it's about 20x easier to make real friends from the former than the latter.
My experience has always been if somebody says "Come over for poker night," it's gonna be much more awkward than if somebody says "Come over because I'm gonna play video games on the couch and smoke a joint and it'd be fun to have somebody to chat with while I do that." [I'd be curious to hear where other people fall on that topic]
Anyways, not to discourage your current tack, nor even say you should do a blunts and video-games event, but I just think some of the activities on the website seem branded to a very narrow type of guy (business majors? for lack of a better stereotype)
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#39Homepage leaves me asking why this website wasn't a Meetup group for AI-generated stock photos. What's to resonate? I hate to have to be the one to say it, but speaking from my mid-forties, what you are experiencing is called "entering your 30s." If you try to sell "fix loneliness" to a "not committed yet to growing TF up" market you're cooked. Ironically, I'm probably pretty close to who you think you want to hear f…
15 years ago it wasn't the norm to spend all day at a desk in your home. Especially after a rapid induction to isolated living over a ~2year period; during the midst of cultural revolutions that pitted most young men in these forums in the bottom of the social barrel.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#40Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting! All of my best friends came from going through the same experience together. Totally agree on that. But that experience was high school or college. What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship? That consistent, shared experience what I'm trying to build. But I can appreciate the feedback that it comes across as "auditioning" as that's not the point. The goal…
I would second the "filtering" really rubs me the wrong way. You just need to setup the events and friendships will continue outside of them, that's how if works. You can't know who will hit it off. The key is just creating opportunities. Half the people don't really know if they will be into something or not anyway.
Very fair point, thanks.